‘I’m not taking your last name’: Man Agrees to Fiancée Not Taking His Last Name, Only to Write it On Their Wedding Cake, Resulting in Divorce

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jun 23, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back internet enthusiasts. In the year 2024, you can never assume tradition is a given anymore. People have all their own individual, creative, and unique ideas about how to live their lives. Instead of just signing the contract of conventionality, people of all genders and ages are taking matters into their own hands. They're scraping away at the past and carving a new version of the present and future. This is especially true for modern relationships. When it was once customary to meet, fall in love, propose, get married, and have children (in that order), modern couples are now taking love by the reigns and defining it how they see fit

This can manifest as not taking your partner's last name, having children before marriage, or not doing a proposal at all. Tensions can rise with the older generation when they see their children performing some non traditional relationship activities. Read the full story to get the scoop. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 6 days ago CheescakeQueen AITAH for telling my fiancé I don't want his last name or his mom at our wedding?
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 02
    ALTERNATE TITLE: my fiancé called me a woke me for his mom and left Last December, my fiancé (m25) and I (f23) became engaged. The engagement itself was very unexpected, and felt very sudden, as we had only been dating for 2 years since.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 03
    However, I accepted, as I love him, and I couldn't imagine a future without him in it.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 04
    Since our engagement, we've had several wedding related conversations, and I've expressed to him numerous times that I would like to keep my maiden name, and not adopt his. The reason for this is that my parents never had any sons, and I am an only child. I want to carry on the family name for my parents, and I want my children to have the
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 05
    choice of which last name they want to go by and/or both. I've expressed all of this to my fiancé, and he complied, and reassured me that he was ok with my decision on the matter.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 06
    As the wedding draws closer, I received a call from the cake planner last night regarding our cake, which we had met with him and designed a few weeks prior. He informed us that he had a sample prepared for us to come and see, so we drove there the next morning to sample it.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 07
    Needless to say, I was a bit shocked when he pulled out the cake, which had the words "Mr. And Mrs. Smith” (my husbands last name) printed on top. Thinking it was an accident, (though I had strictly told him just to write 'Mr and Mrs' on the cake), I asked him to correct it for the final wedding cake for our wedding, which was in two
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 08
    weeks. He informed me that my fiancé had called him yesterday morning and had asked him to include "smith" on top, along with the previous initials.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 09
    On the car ride home, my fiancé informed me that he was not comfortable with me keeping my last name, and that he had had a conversation with his mother two days prior, in which she informed him it was "feminine, weak, and woke" for him to comply to my wishes, and that he was signing himself up for an abusive
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 10
    marriage. Talking with the rest of the wedding planning staff, I found out he also instructed that the table centerpieces, official handouts, etc. all be changed to have “Mrs and Mr smith" on them instead of our separate last names, with the help from his mother.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 11
    After our argument, I informed him that I would call off the wedding if he did not comply with my wishes, and that I didn't want his mother attending our wedding ceremony either way. He moved out and refuses to talk to me since. AITAH?
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 12
    EDIT: To clarify: I gave him the opportunity to do couples counseling as well as agreeing that we could do joint last names on any future children's birth certificates, along with trying to have a rational conversation with him. The argument STARTED when he called me a "woke " for my decision (the one he had previously agreed to), and
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 13
    that's when I told him it may be in our best interest to call off the wedding and banned his mother. The main reason I'm upset is not because of his desire for me to take his last name, but that he originally told me he was fine with it, and then went behind my back and changed things against my wishes.
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 14
    TL;DR for those still wondering- I broke up with my fiancé, called off the wedding, and found out he was cheating on me the entire length of our relationship
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 15
    Impressive_Dog_9... 6d ago Call off the wedding anyway. You just got a preview of how his mother is going to overstep in this marriage and how he's going to go along with whatever mummy says. NTA, your finance is weak and needs to unlatch from his mother's
    via u/Impressive_Dog_9
  • 16
    Frozefoots 6d ago He called you a woke ?? Cancel wedding. Cancel relationship. Give him the dress and tell him to go and marry his mother and all the way in the direction of OFF with his one true love.
    via u/Frozefoots
  • 17
    NTA. Mama's boy.
    via u/Frozefoots
  • 18
    Rich Dark3047 • 6d ago NTAH That right there is a guy who's trying to marry his mom...not you. a bullet, that's a nuke and you best dodge it. Think about how he and his mother will try to
    via u/Rich Dark3047
  • 19
    control your life and your future children's lives. Run girl...run
    via u/Rich Dark3047
  • 20
    CheescakeQueen OP • 6d ago UPDATE Yesterday evening, I made the decision to text my fiancé and call off the wedding. I texted him the following message:
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 21
    "Hey. I just wanted to let you know that the wedding is off. Please inform your relatives/friends that the only Mrs. Smith they will find standing near the aisle will be your mom. I will mail back your ring to your mothers address, but please do not get in touch with me after this, or this woke
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 22
    will take your sorry to court" To which he responded with a long profession of his love, including several "I didn't mean it"s as well as "it was an accident"
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 23
    I left this message on read, and comfortably blocked his number...however I didn't expect to receive a call from his MOTHER an hour later, who ran her mouth at me over the phone, and called me a "crazy ", and informed me that she was
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 24
    going to make my life a living her son. for what I did to I already made plans to change my lock and install a front porch camera, but should I be doing anything else to protect myself? I am also receiving nasty messages from my ex
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 25
    fiancés friends, threatening me for my decision. I will plan to donate any/all food to a nearby homeless shelter, and I like another users idea to contact the baker and have the lettering changed to "woke instead. I will also contact any of my own
    via u/CheescakeQueen
  • 26
    any of my own friends/family about the cancellation and give my best explanation, as well as canceling the venue, photographer, etc. Thank you all!
    via u/CheescakeQueen

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