26-year-old bride-to-be tells stepmom she's not her ‘bonus mom’ when she refuses to include her in a day of wedding dress shopping with her biological mother: ‘She needs to know her place’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 23, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Even when one of our parents remarries, we always long for a great connection with both of our biological parents. There's something etched into our DNA that pushes us to foster and nurture that connection, even when it is difficult to do so.

Sometimes, though, our biological parents' divorce is amicable and smooth, and we get to keep our already-great relationships with both of them. Seems like a win, right? That is, unless you have a third person in the mix who now functions legally as your step-parent. It's up to you whether you choose to view them as such—that is why we have free will—and if they try to force a close connection on you when you don't want it, then you're more than entitled to set a strict boundary. Nobody is entitled to your time if they're overstepping their place.

In this next story's case, a future bride chooses to go dress shopping with her biological mother. Her stepmom believes she's entitled to go too, but the future bride declines. When her step mom presses the issue, the bride explains that she does not feel close to her, nor does she want to be. Was she in the wrong? Not necessarily—you can only take so much pushiness until you boil over.

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  • "She's my dad's second wife and is no kind of mother figure to me..."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for telling my dad's wife she's not my bonus mom after I only brought mom wedding dress shopping with me?"

    I'm (26f) an only child. My parents divorced my senior year of high school. By the time I graduated my dad started dating his second wife. I'd met her once before. He told me he was
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  • bringing her and I was like okay, fine. She showed up way overdressed and attempted to overtake the whole thing. She
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  • tried to interfere in the photos I had taken, she tried to push my mom away from me in any group photos taken and it took me telling my dad that if he didn't
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  • stop her they could just go home and not come to the party. A few times she even tried to unlink mine and mom's arms and take mom's place next to me.
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  • She apologized to me a few days later but mom later admitted dad's wife called and boasted about how much nicer her and
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  • dad's photos with me would look because I had two parents in them instead of one. She also tried to boast that I took more
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  • with her than mom. But that wasn't true and I didn't actually print any of the photos with her in them because she ped me off so bad.
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  • After the whole situation every time I saw my dad's wife, who became his wife a year after my graduation, she was overly nice to me and would get super eager
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  • to spend time with whenever I mentioned I was going back to mom's. I stayed with mom when I was home for the holidays. She was always looking to spend time with me instead.
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  • I know from one of dad's friends that his wife always looks for everyone to insult my mom. It's just so petty. She started calling herself my bonus mom and me
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  • her bonus daughter. I corrected her once or twice but then I just started spending less time with her. As a result my relationship with my dad has suffered.
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  • Recently I went wedding dress shopping with my mom and when dad's wife found out she got super upset I went with mom and not her. She asked me why I
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  • didn't want her to go and that's what bonus moms are for. I told her she's not my bonus mom and she never was. She's my dad's
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  • second wife and is no kind of mother figure to me and she never will be with the way she treats my actual mother.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10533296128
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My dad told me I took it too far and should apologize because even if she's been bitchy to my mom she's been super welcoming to me. I told him that
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  • doesn't matter because she needs to know her place and it's not as someone I care for. And that the more she tries to force her way in and push my mom out or outshine my mom, the worse she looks to me.
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  • He insisted that I could still have been a lot nicer. AITA?
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  • SillyMoose22 NTA - even if she was a saint to you and your mom you still don't need to feel comfortable with her being your bonus mom. She didn't raise you and has seemingly done nothing motherly with you.
    via SillyMoose22
  • But are you going to invite her to the wedding because she's going to pull the same things she did at the graduation. This is going to be a thing at every event.
    via SillyMoose22
  • Different_Guess_5407 NTA - but your dad & his 2nd wife are - his 2nd wife for not taking your feelings into account & your dad for taking his 2nd wife's side in all of this.
    via Different_Guess_5407
  • Barsk-Brunkage So you were almost a grown up when she came into the picture, and she just thinks she can magically swoop in and take on a motherly role in your life? Your dads wife has a serious
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  • case of delulu, and I dont blame you for pulling back. She sounds like she tries to replace your mom in every way she can.... makes you wonder why she acts like your mom is such a
    via Barsk-Brunkage
  • threat to her. It is too bad that your relationship with your dad suffers from this - but honestly, that is on him and not you. If he is fine with his wife being overly pushy (and kinda creepy), that is the consequences he will have to live with.
    via Barsk-Brunkage

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement stepmom reddit story family feud parenting wedding entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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