‘I can’t stand them anymore': Parents who aren't even contributing $1 to daughter's wedding refuse to attend unless given complete control over planning, couple has enough

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Jun 30, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

"It's YOUR wedding. Full stop."

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  • Many people have dreamed of their wedding day being the most special day for them. You find the love of your life and you make that day all about the love you two share and are declaring to share ‘til death do you part. So how upsetting do you think it would be if someone in your family tried to control everything and prevent you from getting the big happy joyous celebration you have always dreamed about? What if it were your own parents? That would be pretty heartbreaking. 

    Well, that has been happening to one Reddit user who came to the site to rant. She has been planning her wedding for a year, and her parents have been insufferable the entire time. Even though she and her fiancé are planning and paying for it all, her parents still want control. In fact, they told her if they didn't have complete control, they didn't want anything to do with it. She was hoping they would stay true to their word and let her continue with how she wants to plan her wedding, but they can't seem to help themselves. They want her wedding to go their way, and not how their daughter wants it. What would you do in a situation like this? See the story and what others think below! 

  • 01
    "My parents have made wedding planning a nightmare!”
    via Unspalsh via freerangestock
  • 02
    My parents have made wedding planning a nightmare M I just want to rant. It's been a year of parents being completely insufferable. From the beginning, my dad has told me that he either plans for the whole wedding or doesn't want to have anything to do with it but that has not been the case and makes it very clear when he hates something. My fiancé and I are paying for wedding FYI. Where do I start..
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 03
    ● . • They didn't like the venue (a beautiful golf course) They weren't happy with the guest count of 250 because they wanted double that They're not happy with the DJ I picked and wanted to bring their own musician My mom HATED my wedding dress because I didn't pick the one she wanted. She's grown to "like" it but is now complaining about the way it's being altered. She wanted to add some sparkles to the dress which I've denied.
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 04
    • They hate the layout of the tables at the venue My dad tried to get us to change our first wedding song to a song of his choice They hate that I'm not playing more traditional music from their culture even though I'm splitting the songs even with my fiancé who's from a different culture.
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 05
    • I brought my mom and MIL to meet with the decorator to get their opinion and my mom hates the decor and embarrassed me in front of the decorator because she didn't have what my mom envisioned and what I picked was too simple (It's just elegant and fits in with the venue)
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 06
    • In my tradition, the bride literally dances her way out of her parents house and it's a huge ordeal with drummers waiting outside. Anyway, I'm an introvert and not a huge dancer so I asked them to just skip the dancing and drummers and make it simple with classic music playing in the background and everyone just hanging out. It's a loud event and it's just not for me. My mom cried on the phone when I told her this.
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 07
    · I just got my engagement pictures back today. We went for a simple shoot in the city and my dad criticized every single picture, told me to tell the photographer that they're awful and to get a new photographer for the wedding. The photographer and her husband are both guests at the wedding as they're friends of ours and the pictures turned out beautiful. They've basically tried to control every single thing, down to the last detail. Wedding is in 2.5 weeks and I can't stand them anymore.
    via Thick-Acanthaceae-42
  • 08
    that_one_wierd_guy • 16h ago tell them flat out. "if I hear another peep about how I'm planning MY wedding, from either of you, then neither of you will be attending" 262 ☐ Reply ↑ Share QCr8onQ 6h ago Just stop telling them anything. Create your own sense of peace. 55 Reply ↑ Share ...
    via that_one_weird_guy
  • 09
    Jackalopeisa2nicorn 16h ago . Your wedding, your rules. If they don't like it then it's more cake for you! If your parents want to dictate (accent on the first syllable!), then mom and dad can plan and pay for their own ceremony to renew their vows! 106 Reply ↑, Share
    via Jackalopeisa2nicorn
  • 10
    00 Successful_Moment_91 15h ago • No money from them = no opinions Stop sharing anything anything about the wedding with them. Their job is to keep their mouths shut and show up at the wedding. Nothing else! 84 Reply ↑ Share ...
    via Successful_Moment_91
  • 11
    blackwillow-99 16h ago • You allowed this. While it is hard to say no when you are building a life separate. from your family it's definitely important you start with boundaries. They should have been shut down in the beginning. You let it go on for far too long. It's likely they will mess something up and complain and try to find a way to ruin the night or let you know they truly don't care for it. At some point you gotta put that foot down. ↑ 73 ↓ Reply ↑ Share
    via blackwillow-99
  • 12
    lapsteelguitar 16h ago. . Regarding the dancing out of the house. Don't ask them to skip that portion. TELL them you will be skipping that portion. Regarding the rest of it. Tell your parents to keep out of it, and to keep their mouths closed. Be direct, be blunt, and if you can, be polite. But no weasel words: Maybe, if you don't mind, etc. Use words like: No. This is what we are doing/decided. If you aren't paying, you have no say. etc.
    via lapsteelguitar
  • 13
    Don't ask them questions about what you should do, don't tell them what you are planning. It's called gray rocking. You are a gray rock. Give them only the information that they NEED. What time and location. What the dress code is. That's it. Not who the caterer or florist is. Not what they cost. Not the flavor of the cake. 42 Reply ↑ Share
    via lapsteelguitar
  • 14
    scout336 14h ago • Congratulations on finding your partner in life. May your wedding day be filled with joy. I'm so sorry your parents are being so awful to you. This is a very special time in your life and your family, friends, and all loved ones should be cheering you on with love and support. I admire how firmly you and your husband to be have held on to your own visions and plans for for your wedding day. Please try to minimize your parents opportunities to 'rain on your parade', so to speak
    via Scout336
  • 15
    I worry that your wedding is a 'dress rehearsal' for how your parents are going to try to control your married life and any future children you and future husband may have. Please use this time to strengthen your determination to show the world that you and your husband will be in charge of your home and family. I wish you and your husband to be the brightest possible future. Enjoy your wedding day and all of the magical days to follow. 22 Reply ↑ Share
    via Scout336
  • 16
    Anxious_Question6784 14h ago lol sounds like an Arab family...relatable and I know the feeling. I'm about to start planning my wedding with my fiance (we're both Arab). We've agreed that our parents are on a need to know basis. If they don't need to know, I'm not telling them. It because it would be nice to get their opinions on stuff but just like your parents they IMMEDIATELY look for the negative or for something to critique. They can never just be happy for you. I'm sorry you're experiencing
    via Anxious_Question6784
  • 17
    Deedumsbun • 13h ago Stop telling them all the info. Information diet. It's you wedding so your choice on it all. Time to sit down and tell them that they are being Add passwords to all your catering, venue, flowers so she can't change anything 15 Reply ↑ Share
    via Deedumsbun
  • 18
    • tphatmcgee 12h ago tell them that they are embarrassing you and you need for it to stop. tell them that they have been spoiling the whole event for you. tell them you are tired of them acting like children who aren't getting their way. tell them thatvthey are not paying for anything and so they have no vote. finally, tell them that they can stop and act like proper adults and treat you. like an adult, or they don't need to come.
    via tphatmcgee
  • 19
    mean it or be miserable. decide what is most important, and, what you as an adult who is not dependent upon them are willing to put up with for the rest of your life. because they are not treating you as a mature, autonomous adult. од Reply ↑ Share
    via tphatmcgee
  • 20
    _Tiberius Prime 8h ago • It's YOUR wedding. Full stop. Tell them to get on board, shut up, and enjoy, OR they could just not come. Better yet, uninvite them and be happy. A little story: My wife's sister's in laws were nightmares during her wedding planning. Finally she brought a box one night to a sit down and said any and all suggestions needed to be written down and put in the box. She'd ignore anything verbal. Then she walked out.
    via _TiberiusPrime_
  • 21
    It didn't shut them up, but all she said in response then was "put it in the box" and kept doing what she was doing. Even today, 20+ years later, she says, "put it in the box", when she doesn't want to argue with them. ↑ 6 B Reply ↑ Share
    via _TiberiusPrime_

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