14 Year Friendship Comes to an End When Woman Begins Meddling with Her BFFs Marriage

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Do you know the difference between jealousy and envy? The two are often used interchangeably, but they're actually quite different. Envy is when you long for something someone else has, and jealousy is when you are worried that someone is trying to take something you already have. So, a jealous friend might be upset by how much time you are spending with your partner; they are afraid you will abandon them in favor of a significant other. An envious friend may also be upset by your romantic relationship, but only because they long for a partner as loving as yours. 

In our story today, an envious friend cannot stop butting into our protagonist's healthy relationship, consistently crossing multiple boundaries. The friend longs for a safe, secure, green-flag partnership. She has a husband of her own, but their marriage is tumultuous, leading her to attempt to sabotage other happy couples. Misery loves company! 

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  • 01
    TWO TAKES r/TwoHotTakes u/SpyroChild 2d AITA for ending a 14 year friendship after getting engaged because of her marriage? Advice Needed I dropped my best friend, practically my sister, six weeks ago after being friends for over 14 years. Bear with me while I dump this tea in the harbor because I already know this is going to be a lot.
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 02
    I(24F) and Jane (25F) met in fifth grade and became each others number one almost instantly. Everything was great until I started dating my fiancé(Will, 23M) last June. I'd tell her about Will, such as things he did for me, how he treated me, and some conversations him and I had. She'd ask how the relationship was going and if it was maintaining a happy/healthy environment. Mostly normal and typical stuff between friends when one of them dates someone new. After Will asked my father for his bles
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 03
    "Have you two had a fight yet? It's weird you two don't fight or even have small arguments. I don't think you should get married until you two have real fight." "Do you really want kids with him? Kids are awful and ruin relationships. I don't think you realize how much work and how terrible kids really are."
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 04
    Jane re-laid my relationship to her husband (32M). She'd ask why he didn't do things Will did for me. When arguing, she'd bring up my relationship to back up her points. Jane and her husband have been married for two years and together two and a half. Their marriage was a show from the beginning. She almost got an annulment and always says she'll divorce him, but never does. The reason she stays is because of her two stepsons (8 and 11), who her husband had with his high school girlfriend (he le
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 05
    I understand where her questions, comments, and concerns come from because I've seen everything that's happened in her relationship. I didn't plan addressing them. Will proposed back in April. I tried calling her right after, but Jane had to call me back later. It didn't go how I thought telling my best friend I was engaged would go. I let it slide because I knew she was planning on giving her husband divorce papers in two weeks. That night Will said she DMed him congratulating him, and saying "
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 06
    She started bringing up issues in her marriage and comparing our partners constantly when I'd try to talk about wedding planning. She said, "I'm over here planning a divorce and you're planning a wedding."
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 07
    We made plans for Jane to stay the night at Will and I's place, which she's done before. We talked while she helped me clean since I was hosting a family gathering later that day. She made comments about the state of somethings around the house, specifically the two guest bathrooms, and asked how Will let it get that bad. Before cleaning, Will said he didn't know how bad they would be since he only uses the master bathroom, and his roommate that just moved out was the only one who used them. She
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 08
    While cleaning, she wore PJ shorts and a white shirt with no bra or underwear. I wasn't bothered by it at the time since she'd wear that at my apartment or her place. She kept her stuff in Will's chair with bra and underwear on top. I noticed he was sitting in other places rather than moving it. He told me he didn't feel comfortable touching her stuff, so I put everything in her bag and moved it. Later, I noticed she put it back in his chair with the bra back on top. I moved it again, but it was
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 09
    It was the first time Will and I hosted together, and the first time core family members met each other. She said it was very "choppy", but all that she cared about is she had fun with me. She mentioned Will was on edge the whole time and added "I'm just nervous because I saw a different side of Will this weekend. I see now why if y'all ever have problems, it's going to be because of his anger. I don't want you getting married then looking back and be like I saw the signs. But if you see it and
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 10
    I realized Jane and I needed to meet in person to figure out what was happening. I asked when she could, and she thought I was pregnant since "that's usually why people say they need to talk in person." I informed her I wasn't, and we scheduled it on two different occasions. She blew me off the day of both times once I had already made the drive. I drove three hours twice just to talk. After returning to my apartment, I asked if she had time to call. She instantly called me stating I should know
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 11
    The phone call was over an hour. I explained how her questions and negative comments made me feel, yet understood where she was coming from. It felt like she was comparing our relationships, partners, or trying to project her feelings about marriage. I brought up not wearing a bra or underwear, leaving them out when Will is around, and I get it's something her and I are used to. Will is not though, and it made him uncomfortable. There was another situation from her first time staying at the hous
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 12
    she actually trying to get him to look? Jane told me I was overthinking everything and didn't know why I waited to bring any of it up. She said I should have called to start with instead of trying to meet in person, and she couldn't believe I thought she was trying to get Will to look. That I should know better after being friends all these years. Those kind of things were normal before dating Will. If him or I are bothered, then we need to say something in the moment. She made a strong effort t
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 13
    A week later we were talking like normal. I asked if she thought people would be mad or not show to the wedding since Will and I aren't allowing a lot of kids. She just replied "a lot..." I told her we're only allowing those in the wedding who are planned to leave early. Will and I don't know many people with young kids. Jane said, "Including me." I didn't think about the boys because she never commented on it. We want a relaxing/date night vibe for couples attending, not kids keeping people in
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 14
    She said she's mad at me for it and other things. I mentioned it seemed she wasn't coming or being my matron of honor anymore due to how she was acting about it, and I asked what other things. That's when she said the friendship was over. She couldn't be friends with someone who "spoke so lowly" to her, friendship "that's so one sided", or "want a friend who acts and says things like that." I was done with the conversation after that. If she wanted to be done, then we're done. I haven't heard fr
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 15
    Embarrassed-Car6161 • 2d It sounds to me like she is jealous of your relationship. I have had friends who have the whole misery loves company vibe. They are not my friends anymore. I know that you have known her for a long time but sometimes people grow apart. She's obviously going through something in her personal life and she's not coping with it in a healthy way. It's okay to distance yourself from someone like that. Also, sleepovers when you're now married or getting married is weird to me.
    via u/Embarrassed-Car6161
  • 16
    choosychews • 2d Seems like she was very jealous of your relationship and began to resent you for it. From all that happened this is my take: she was jealous, you had the relationship she had always wanted. You (you and Will) are both happy, which is why little things like the guest room, her clothing, etc weren't bothering either of you. Her relationship isn't like that, so she came up with issues to 'disprove' your happiness. But it didn't work. Will and You stuck together and continued to be
    via u/choosychews
  • 17
    Fredredphooey • 2d . She is not your friend. She's inappropriate with your partner and she's totally rude and nasty to both of you. I don't understand why you didn't kick her out because she was so rude. If I were Will, I would have a serious issue with you not having my back with her. Reply 477
    via u/Fredredphooey
  • 18
    SpyroChild OP.2d You're right. Will was upset with me on how I handled some of the situations. I never experienced anything like this with her before and didn't know how to handle it. I told him of what was happening, and he gave me pointers on how to better handle the situation. About kicking her out. Will was busy the first time she was at the house and left us alone for the most part. He didn't know what she said until after she left. That's when we set boundaries for when she comes over, and
    via u/SpyroChild
  • 19
    LaundryQueen0505 • 2d Jane is so jealous of your relationship with Will. She has displayed inappropriate behavior around him, making him uncomfortable, and never apologized. She didn't want to make time for you. This woman is not your friend. You are NTA but she sure is. The garbage has taken itself out. Reply Ŵ 70 ♡
    via u/LaundryQueen0505
  • 20
    lamb2cosmicslaughter • 2d Will looked nervous because she already cornered him when you weren't looking and threw herself at him. I bet he turned her down but knew you were "friends" so he wasn't sure how to react. Reply Ŷ 50 ♡
    via u/lamb2cosmicslaughter
  • 21
    That-Department2748 2d This. Exactly. I had a "friend" try that and only found out years later and the reason I wasn't told was because he (then hubby) thought she was my friend and didn't want to interfere with a 20 year "friendship"... almost sister level, but yeah. This post sounds eerily familiar. OP should cut what little loss the frenemy is and never look back. ... 20
    via u/That-Department2748
  • 22
    Fine-Beautiful 5863 • 2d I don't think you are the AH. I will offer that my friends in bad relationships really hesitated when I got engaged. Their experiences were bad and they were worried for me. One flat out said that she was happy for me, but she also hated the thought that I would move on or away without her as we had been life long friends. She said logically she knows I wouldn't do that because I've always made time for her no matter what else I had going on, but she felt that way - and
    via u/Fine-Beautiful5863
  • 23
    If she is in a bad or controlling relationship she will also have her husband whispering in her ear tying to isolate her and drive you two apart. If she's told him that your relationship is good and she wants something like that, he is probably bent on getting you away from her - and she'll take everything you say straight to him for his approval too. If she's told you that she's divorcing and shared the problems with her relationship with you, you're a threat to her current head in the sand rel
    via u/Fine-Beautiful5863

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