Woman's Fiancé Expected to Be A Free Wedding Photographer At Her Entitled Sister's Wedding, Driving the Couple to Reconsider Attending

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 3, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

Creatives are often disparaged despite their value and essentiality. A talented graphic designer can develop a brand identity and logo that people remember, easily recognize, and trust. A movie's original score by an intuitive composer that understands the vibe and themes of the film can enhance the viewing experience for audiences. An amazing chef who uses food as his artistic medium can get a restaurant five star reviews that attract customers throughout the week. 

Despite their importance, it seems that more often than not, people have a tendency to want to underpay or even solicit free labor from them-- especially if they're family members. It's unfortunately not uncommon for people to expect free pet portraits from an artistic cousin, free performances from a banjo-strumming brother, or free wedding photography from a soon-to-be relative. The latter is the cause for today's drama as an entitled bride 'volun-told' her sister's fiancé via wedding itinerary that he was the designated photographer for the entire event, despite only agreeing to take a few pictures in a small time frame. Scroll to taste the tea!

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/No-Macaron 4751 • 6h AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding after she made my fiancé the "assistant photographer"?
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 02
    So, my (28F) sister (32F) is getting married in a few months, and what should be an exciting time has turned into a massive source of tension between us. For some context, my fiancé (29M) is an incredibly talented photographer. He's done some. professional work, but it's more of a hobby for him now.
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 03
    When my sister was planning her wedding, she mentioned wanting to hire a photographer, but when she found out how much it would cost, she started looking for alternatives. I suggested that she ask my fiancé if he'd be willing to help out. She seemed hesitant but eventually agreed, and they talked it over. He agreed to take some photos as a favor but made it clear that he wanted to enjoy the day as a guest, not work the entire event.
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 04
    Fast forward to last week, and my sister sends out the final wedding itinerary to the bridal party and family. I noticed that my fiancé's name is listed as "Assistant Photographer," with a full schedule of shots he's supposed to get throughout the day, including the ceremony, reception, and even some pre-wedding moments. She's essentially turned him into an unpaid staff member without even asking him!
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 05
    I was livid. I called my sister and told her that this was not what we agreed on, and she couldn't just decide to give him a job on her wedding day. She got defensive and said that since he's "so good at photography," she assumed he'd want to help out more and that I was being unreasonable. She added that weddings are expensive, and she can't afford to hire someone else, so he's "doing the family a favor."
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 06
    I told her that if she was going to treat my fiancé like an employee, then neither of us would be attending the wedding. Now, my parents are furious with me, saying I'm overreacting and that I'm "ruining" my sister's big day over something that should be a "non-issue." They think my fiancé should just it up for the sake of family. Even my sister's fiancé texted me, calling me selfish for "putting a silly title" over my sister's happiness. My fiancé is totally on my side and feels used, but now I
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 07
    Edit: Based on some of the comments, I feel like I need to say that I didn't "offer" my fiancé's services, especially not for free. I suggested to my sister to talk to my fiancé to see if he'd want to help out because he had been saying he wanted to shoot something "serious". He's been really into photography lately so I thought it would be fun for him. But he didn't sign up to be a "Assistant Photographer" it was just supposed to be an opportunity for him and then he'd send my sister the pics.
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 08
    Edit 2: Idk why everyone keeps saying I "offered" my fiancé's services. My fiancé told me they talked and that's how I know what they agreed to. Also idk why everyone keeps commenting about my "boyfriend", he's my fiancé. It doesn't help to be told IATAH for offering my boyfriend's services when that isn't what happened at all
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 09
    Last update: A lot of people are mentioned the assistant photographer thing like there is a main professional photographer. As I said in a comment, I think my sister just added "assistant" to justify not paying him. I only posted because my family is taking my sister's side and saying I'm being petty and ruining her big day, and I hate knowing I made them upset. My fiancé has been incredibly. supportive through all of this, but I'm struggling with how to navigate this family drama. 1,721 771
    via u/No-Macaron4751
  • 10
    RealTonySnark • 5h Why is he the "Assistant Photographer?" Is there another photographer? Reply 473
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  • 11
    Dry_Ask5493 • 2h No, he is the only photographer. OP thinks she used that title manipulatively because he isn't supposed to be the photographer and she's not paying him. 93
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  • 12
    Unlikely_Spring9512.3h Maybe there is an "Assistant to the Assistant Photographer" voluntold in as well? Wh33lh68s3 • 1h . 49 "Voluntold".....I've never heard of that before but I do know that has happened to me a few times ... 10
    via u/Unlikely_Spring9512, u/Wh33lh68s3
  • 13
    catlettuce 6h • NTA, tell them your BF is out and will be your plus one and then just enjoy the wedding. Reply 1.7k
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  • 14
    Whole_Water4840 • 5h The audacity and entitlement of nowadays bridezilas beats me 518
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  • 15
    PithandKin • 6h So your sister wants free photography? If this was me being tasked with such duties, I'd do it with a phone. Since she wants to cheap out on a service that takes a lot of time, labour, education etc she can get what she refuses to pay for. It boils my blood when just because you've spent years working at a skill, people close to you feel you owe that skill for free because "family/friends". NTA Reply 625
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  • 16
    Wild_Cockroach_2544.5h Disposable cameras are better. 170
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  • 17
    Creepy_Addict • 4h Hand them out to all the guests. Maybe she will get a few shots that are print worthy. Д 25 Interesting-Sound-95. 4h I did this at our reception. Everyone got drunk and I didn't get any of the cameras back. It was good in theory lol ... 22
    via u/Creepy_Addict, u/Interesting-Sound-95
  • 18
    Reader_47 2h • I used to own a catering service. Family and close friends thought I'd provide the food, wedding cake, servers and bartenders all for free. Some offered to pay for the groceries but not the prepared food. I told them I'd rather enjoy myself as a guest. People close to me would get a 15% discount if they insisted on my services. I made clear the discount was my wedding gift and there would be no other gift. Some got upset. I pointed out that I'd be busy supervising the kitchen and
    via u/Reader_47
  • 19
    No-Beach237 • 6h Photographer here. Absolutely NOT! it will turn into SUCH a NTA! show. Reply 599
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  • 20
    theymademee⚫ 5h And if she doesn't like the shots she will say he ruined her wedding. This is a big NO! 249
    via u/theymademee
  • 21
    Ok-Sea3170 • 5h NTA. It's funny how photographers are always too important to go without, but not important enough to pay. Reply 128
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  • 22
    shammy_dammy • 6h Why did you tell her to ask him in the first place? Reply 367
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  • 23
    thin_white_dutchess ⚫ 3h • I understand it. I am a photographer (won't do weddings normally though) and people ask me for my input all the time. They only want a single portrait for the house of the couple? I will rock the out of that, no problem. My gift to you. You want a budget friendly photographer I can vouch for? I got you. You want help getting a list together of shots you don't want to forget, and what to leave to the photographer? What kind of style would be best for your venue? I can t
    via u/thin_white_dutchess
  • 24
    gamboling2man • 5h I got the sense she meant for her husband to help find a less expensive option or take some photos over a thirty minute window, not for the whole day. ← 44
    via u/gamboling2man
  • 25
    Chaoticgood790 • 5h Its not a silly title, she has him doing a full day of work for free. Skip the wedding but also learn to never offer up someone's services without talking to them FIRST. you were an AH to your fiance for that ← Reply 157 ↓
    via u/Chaoticgood
  • 26
    rexmaster2 • 4h Actually the fiance should call OPs sister and let her know how much his fee will be. Help out a little is fine. Anything more will cost her. 34
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  • 27
    wildlife_loki ⚫ 1h • This is what I was thinking - everyone is so gung ho about fiancé "doing it to help the family", but do any of them have highly developed creative skills which are constantly undervalued in - society that they constantly offer up to the rest - of the family for free? I highly doubt it.
    via u/wildlife_loki
  • 28
    Maybe OP can suggest that, to further save money, the best cook in the family can cater (wanna volunteer, mom and dad?), the best baker can make the cake, the best family sewist can make custom bridal party dresses from scratch, someone proficient in graphic design or traditional art can make the wedding invites, any musicians can play live... if it's so important that everyone do what they can to allow sister to have a wedding she wants but can't afford. Ŵ 2 ♡
    via u/wildlife_loki
  • 29
    AdAccomplished6870 • 6h You are NTA, but be prepared for the fact that your family will not side with you. They see this as a simple favor and not unreasonable. You have to decide if this is the hill to die on, because you guys will be the villain in all the stories going forward, and it will definitely affect your relationship with your family. You aren't wrong, but you won't win, either. ← Reply 42 ↓
    via u/AdAccomplished6870
  • 30
    lankyK44 • 5h Agree. Sounds like she needs to find a full time photographer and parents can pay. I wouldn't miss the wedding over this though. 2 8 63
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  • 31
    Karma 1969 · 5h NTA. I've been a wedding photographer in the past, and what your sister has asked for here is a 4-figure job. (Just for reference, I used to charge $3000 and up just for shooting time, then prints on top of that for a couple thousand more, and that was 20 years ago. So, this is no small favor.) So sure, she can't afford it because good photographers are expensive, and rightfully so. That doesn't mean she can just use your fiance like this, and I agree with you 100% - she is attem
    via u/Karma_1969
  • 32
    I don't see why you went to "won't attend the wedding", though. Why didn't you just decline her request and attend anyway? I wasn't there, I'm guessing the conversation turned into an argument and you dug in your heels. I'm not saying you're wrong on that, you're not, but it hasn't left you with many options. Just to be clear though, your sister and the people who are agreeing with her are 100% in the wrong, and I'm sorry you have so many people trying to use your fiance like this. I've been the
    via u/Karmaa_1969
  • 33
    (By the way, one big reason I quit photography and moved onto another career was things like this. Once people find out you take good photos, the users come out of the woodwork, even in your own family. It's crazy and one time at a family gathering I put my foot down, hard, and nobody ever asked me to take a photo again, which was the wisest choice they could have made. I'm sorry your foot-putting- down went so badly. But now you know - don't offer your fiances services to anyone, ever, unless h
    via u/Karma_1969
  • 34
    Edit: I'm re-reading your post, and...I can't figure out why you offered up his services. She was even reluctant, and then you talked her into it, without first consulting him at all. Why did you do that? Don't ever do that, you should have at least asked him first, not second. Personally, I'd be livid if my wife simply offered up my services without consulting me first. You're still NTA for the outcome, but this is all basically your fault. Maybe what you should do is bring everyone together an
    via u/Karma_1969
  • 35
    permanentlypartial • 6h Is there anything she does for free for the family because she's good at it? Like, always gives family free hair cuts? Bakes cakes for everyone, any occassion - don't even me to ask or bring materials? Yard work? Accounting? Childcare, laundry, lawyering? Probably not. If she does, well, at least she's not a hypocrite, and I could see how she might think the family commune had gained a photogropher, but she still realize that she should have asked, and probably not for qu
    via u/permanentlypartial

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