Woman Hosts 'Adults Only' Evening for Parents, Only to Have Guests Play with Her Kids and Act as Free Babysitters

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 12, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Welcome back, ladies of the internet. Finding a trustworthy and dependable babysitter is not always so easy-peasy. While Facebook groups and websites that connect parents with nannies and babysitters are incredibly helpful with half of the process, they can only do so much. The sitter should get along well with your children, have a schedule that fits your childcare needs, and have payment expectations that meet your budget. Of course, great babysitters deserve great payment because they are literally keeping your kids safe and happy. Still, if you're paying a sitter for a night out, it's important that the night doesn't go to waste. So, if a friend invites you to a kid-free dinner, but then expects you and all of the other guests to spend the evening entertaining their kids, it can leave a sour taste in your mouth.

In our story today, a woman expects her guests to find babysitters so that they can attend her adults-only events. When her guests arrive, they realize that not only are her children present at the event, they are there to be entertained and are active participants throughout the evening. The most baffling part is that this host does not understand why the parents are upset with her. Read the full story below!

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  • 01
    r/relationship_advice u/tsim12345 2d How do I (31f) tell my close friend (35f) that her "adult only" parties are offending people?
    via u/tsim12345
  • 02
    First of all I would love a REAL adult only party where adults can talk and have conversations without kids interfering. She ain't doing that. She is having a whole party for everyone to focus on HER kids only. I need to know how to address this with her. This happened 2 times so far.
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  • 03
    The first time, we pretty much all assumed that she had to have planned for childcare that must have backed out or something, but since we weren't sure, we didn't ask her. I think everyone felt awkward believing they were paying babysitters for an adult night and then having to have her kids at the dinner table, and them very actively part of the evening needing to be entertained (2 young kids).
    via u/tsim12345
  • 04
    Then, it happened again. She sent out events for a dinner party in the evening with adults only on the invitation. Then, when we got there, she had set up all these kids games everywhere. She arranged the night around everyone kind of playing with her kids and I could tell everyone felt awkward because people just wanted to have an adult night talking, but she had promised the kids that everyone would participate in the games they had set up and asked everyone if they wouldn't mind playing with
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  • 05
    I know that several people who attended the last event were very bothered by having to do this. People were whispering on the side about how they had to pay a babysitter for the night and would have rathered bring their kid along and the kids could have just played games together if it's a family event. We barely ever pay a sitter, so I was kind of confused about why I had to spend my very limited babysitter funds on a night that I didn't even get to talk much with other adults because the kids
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  • 06
    Is this normal in other circles? What would you do if this was your friend? If I do say something, how would you explain this so that the person isn't mad or feels like you just don't like their kid? She was mad because everyone left early and she had catered the event but I think people didn't want to stay and preferred to just go back to their kids because they felt a little disrespected by the way things went. People are saying they don't want to hang out with her anymore. Idk what to do. 4,1
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  • 07
    blippity-blah-dah ⚫ 2d • Absolutely not normal. This isn't an adult only party, this a group babysitting gig where everyone paid for their own babysitter fees and she gets it for free. There's no way she doesn't know what she's doing unless she's really that deluded Reply Ĵ 7k ♡
    via u/tsim12345
  • 08
    tsim12345 OP.2d I can't explain like her entire personality but I don't think she is actively manipulating because she is a very kind and considerate person in all other ways. It's like she truly isn't realizing that people are bothered. I don't know if it is because she thinks we all love her kids so much that we want to spend quality time with them without our own kids distracting us?? We do love her kids! But I prefer to also bring my own kid so they can all play together. I thought she also
    via u/tsim12345
  • 09
    blippity-blah-dah • 2d Then just be upfront and tell her that when she advertises a party to be for adults only, it's for adults only. Her kids shouldn't be the focus of the party and if she continues people just won't come over Edit: Although it already sounds like that's happening as you mentioned people don't want to come over if there's another party 1.7k
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  • 10
    McDonnell Douglas DC8 • 2d "If you are going to continue advertising your parties as adult only, you need to hire childcare. People feel towards your children the way you do towards theirs." ... 714
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  • 11
    gd_reinvent ⚫ 20h I'd be even more blunt. "Hey hun. Nobody wants to come to your parties anymore because we're annoyed that you expect us to pay twenty dollars an hour for a sitter when you don't want to do that for your kids. If you want to have your kids at a party you're having, then we're bringing them with us and not spending our money on a sitter. If you want to have us spend money on a sitter, then you need to do that too." 30
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  • 12
    ReadingSad3238 • 2d It seems like you're all tiptoeing around her for some weird reason. I don't get what you're afraid of Just be honest. "Hey I've noticed the last couple events have said 'adults only' but then when we get there, the kids are still there without babysitters. was there an issue with your babysitters each time or what? Can you explain?"
    via u/tsim12345
  • 13
    See what she says. This is not the kind of person who appears kind and considerate. This is weird and calculating. She knows she has kids. She knows they are not adults. She knows she's sending misleading emails. She's not stupid. 589
    via u/tsim12345
  • 14
    malaphortmanteau • 2d I think it's just that generally when everyone else seems to be following the same social contract and one person wildly contradicts it, it's too far outside of the norm to even know how to address it. Like, if you spend your entire life around people who hold the door for the next person and someone doesn't one day, you wouldn't necessarily start with "hey you know you should hold the door" because you have no previous frame of reference to even imagine that someone wouldn
    via u/tsim12345
  • 15
    But yeah, there's some deep level of self- delusion going on with her, intentional or not. I've known people this obsessed with their kids (or pets...) and think everyone should be equally amazed, but people who are just overly enthusiastic will check themselves when people aren't equally amazed, while people who don't or refuse to recognize that are usually not so great at recognizing that people have their own thoughts in other contexts either.
    via u/tsim12345
  • 16
    I just straight-up tell people when I don't want to see another random picture of their baby doing the same thing as in the other twenty random pictures, but most people... don't love that. ← 164
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  • 17
    tsim12345 OP. 1d You explained it perfectly. We are so all shocked and confused it's like how does she think this is normal what is going on in her head and how do I bring it up without knowing her reasons?? She was SO happy for the gathering and felt it went great at first (before we left early). So it's hard to burst a bubble. But I have some great advice and fully plan on addressing it with her at the right time now. 116
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  • 18
    Darwin Ruthord • 2d Just tell her you'll bring the kids next time to play with her kids. See her response. If she responds with "but it's an adults party" then just call it out that it isn't with her kids there and wanting everyone to play with her kids. If she accepts it, then tell her to not call it an adults party next time. ← Reply 12.7k
    via u/tsim12345
  • 19
    tsim12345 OP.2d This seems like a decent plan. I could say hey I'm going to bring (my child) to play too and see her reaction. Maybe that would prompt her to at least explain her line of thinking. She is not a bad person. She seems unaware that this bothers people. She generally has been a good friend. ← 1.4k
    via u/tsim12345
  • 20
    CatScratchEther • 2d I read your comments about being worried to offend her, so why not flip the script? "Hey, my feelings are hurt after the second party that my children were not invited to. I know you said adults only but since your kids were there both times, why not mine? I got a sitter but meanwhile our kids would've loved to play games together, sing, and exchange phone numbers. It felt patronizing to fill the role of peer for your kids. Especially when my kids could've been there and I d
    via u/tsim12345
  • 21
    pl487. 2d Doesn't she already know? People left early enough to make her mad. That's pretty much the universal signal that the guests aren't happy. She can throw whatever kind of parties she likes. People are free to attend or not attend as they please. No need for anyone to be offended, at least not more than once. ... Reply 425
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  • 22
    NoxWild. 2d That's extremely bizarre. How uncomfortable for everyone, probably including her kids who probably sensed how weird it was. Is there anything wrong with her thinking processes in other matters? Does she have a spouse/partner? Do you think she honestly believes her children are so fascinating and captivating, that a group of adults would enjoy playing kiddie games with them at an evening "adults-only" party? Reply 140
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  • 23
    tsim12345 OP.2d Oh she for sure believes that! She gave her kids everyone's numbers and they text and call us from their little kid phones! I didn't even mention all that cause it wasn't relevant to the party thing. If I'm being fully honest it's a bit much. She def is like very attached to the idea of us all being a close part of her kids' lives and getting upset if anyone misses their events or activities. The kids do not seem to notice. 160
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  • 24
    Temporary_4634 • 2d This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Why is she so intent on the adults forming relationships with her kids and not their children??? ... 205
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  • 25
    tsim12345 OP.2d She doesn't have siblings. I think since the kids call her friends "aunts" and she wants her kids to be like "nieces" for us she wants to help that bond grow. But it would also be good to have our own kids be included. Hope that makes sense. ← ↑ 84
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  • 26
    fromtheGo • 2d She is like this because you all have allowed her to. You keep saying how nice and sweet she is, but giving examples of how much of a bully she is. 153
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  • 27
    tsim12345 OP.2d I could also give examples of times she went out of her way to be kind. She sent food to my house after I gave birth, she gives thoughtful birthday gifts, she came clean my home after I had a surgery... many more. The only quote that comes to mind is when someone tells Harry Potter that the world isn't split into just good people and death eaters she's a regular person with good and bad traits. A lot of good. Some bad. She places her kids above anyone else's. I would like to stay
    via u/tsim12345
  • 28
    Jen5872 2d • All you have to do is not accept anymore invitations. "Sorry, I have a prior engagement that evening." Reply 78 tsim12345 OP.2d This would be my husbands plan avoiding her for the rest of our lives ... He's fine 87
    via u/tsim12345
  • 29
    AlphaCharlieUno ⚫ 2d If I had paid a baby sitter for an "adult only" evening, then my friend had their kids there and we were expected to play with those kids, I would have grabbed my other friends with sitters and ditched to go to a real adults only spot, like a bar. ← Reply 48
    via u/tsim12345

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