Husband Refuses to Wear Wedding Ring, Woman Retaliates By Throwing It Away After He Leaves It Behind During Work Trip

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 15, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, internet surfin' sisters. Wedding rings are incredibly valuable - not just because they are often pricy and made of precious metal but because they symbolize the promise of commitment between two people. The symbol is personal, but it is also a signal for others who might be romantically interested in a married individual and is thinking of making a move. 
While not wearing a wedding band is often associated with adulterous activities, there are a laundry list of reasons that married people may not wear them. There are plenty of professions where wearing rings is inconvenient, dangerous, or not allowed. Someone who is prone to losing things and fidgeting with their hands and fingers may choose not to wear a ring - although, hopefully, they would have found an alternative item to have the same function as a wedding ring, such as a necklace or a tattoo. In our story today, a woman is fed up of constantly finding her husband's wedding band under his keyboard instead of on his finger. After finding it for the last time during his work trip, she throws it in the can. Get the full tea below. 

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  • 01
    TWO TAKE r/TwoHotTakes u/Disastrous-Sun-6620 .7h AITA for throwing away my husband's wedding ring?
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 02
    Hi there, I have been listening to this podcast for a while now, and thought this may be a good place to get some advice. To give some context, my husband (30M) and I (29F) have been married for almost five years, and we dated for five years prior to that.
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 03
    My husband has never liked wearing jewelry, including watches that our parents have gotten him in the past. When we got married, I asked him if there was a specific ring he may want, and suggested going ring shopping so that he could pick one out, since I knew he would be picky about this. He never took me up on this, and told me to just get something "light", and I told him numerous times that I do not know what that means, because that is so subjective to everyone. In the end, I ended up order
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 04
    My husband was not a fan, and he expressed that this ring was too bulky for him. The ring I got was not too much for me, so, I offered to get him a different ring, one that he could pick out himself. He indicated this was not necessary. He is also a physician, and said many doctors/nurses do not enjoy wearing rings because it is tough to wash hands with rings, so there is no point in getting him a new ring.
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 05
    So now flashforward to today - he has started to wear his ring socially, just not at work or at home. At home, I guess it does not really matter. And at work, everyone knows me due to work events and such, and he also has a picture of me as his phone background. According to his colleagues, he also talks about his wife a lot, so I know it is not an issue there.
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 06
    However, what still bothers me is that he will keep his ring under his keyboard or mousepad (out of sight) when he takes it off. As a result, he will sometimes forget his ring when he is out. He has expressed wanting to get a tattoo at some point, but has never followed through with it.
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 07
    Recently, he went away for a few months to do some work in nearby city (he is in a niche specialty - so he has to do this sometimes). When I went to visit him recently for a date night, I noticed he did not have his ring. That's when he realized that he had forgotten it at home. When I got home, I do not know what came over me, but I went to his work desk - where, yes, it was hidden under the keyboard completely out of sight, and thew it out.
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 08
    My husband finally noticed when he was back home for the weekend and is now furious I would do this. I told him that I am sick and tired of chasing after him to wear something that shows his commitment to me. He believes that a ring does not define his love for me, and I always knew he never liked jewelry. I feel like at some level he is probably right, but I cannot help but feel like he takes my love for granted, and feeling confused at his upset response when he clearly does not appear to like
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 09
    InflamedLiver • 7h I forget to wear my ring all of the time (fortunately so does my wife so neither of us really care). But that being said, it has incredible emotional value to me because it is a symbol of my wife's love. If she had thrown it in the trash just because I had forgotten at one too many times I would be extremely unhappy.
    via u/InflamedLive
  • 10
    Honestly, a good rule of thumb is just don't throw out something that doesn't belong to you, but even more so if you know that they could have a powerful emotional impact on your partner. Reply 101
    via u/InflamedLive
  • 11
    Chloerainbb • 7h YTA It obviously has sentimental value to him like it would to anyone. Although you probably don't see it this way but for the fact that he does put it on when going out some of the times it means he values it, otherwise he just wouldn't wear it at all. Remembering to take it on and off is a chore yet he does it. I honestly couldn't imagine coming home and having something that symbolizes a marriage just thrown away Reply Ŵ 57 ♡
    via u/Chloerainbb
  • 12
    You're Aromatic-Arugula-896 • 6h near 30 and acting this way? Get therapy for your insecurities Reply 25 ↓
    via u/Aromatic-Arugula-896
  • 13
    Sk8rknitr 6h YTA. I can't believe you just tossed the ring out! My husband was a doctor and did not wear his ring at work because he was constantly washing his hands, and the ring was uncomfortable when he was wearing gloves. You are insecure and immature. Reply 15
    via u/Sk8rknitr
  • 14
    stolenfires 6h INFO: Does he do anything else that makes you feel like he takes you for granted? If so, that's probably the real issue, not the ring. If him constantly having a symbol of your love and commitment is important to you and there's no other issue other than he just doesn't like jewelry, what about getting a tattoo on his ring finger instead? ← Reply Д ↑ 6 3
    via u/stolenfires
  • 15
    Disastrous-Sun-6620 OP. 6h I would say that my husband is typically a loving man, and he is definitely my soulmate. We did have some issues that first year of marriage, a good chunk around the ring (embarrassing to admit). His mother was not a fan of him telling people he was married (because his family did not approve of me due to our cultural differences). He would not call me his wife to friends and family, so the ring would kind of give it away? Like people would ask him about it, and he wou
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 16
    Obviously we have both grown up a lot since then, and created some healthy distance from his family. Reading some of these other comments, I am started to realize what I did was horrible, and I am not sure how to proceed, so I will think about that. Like I said in my post, he has proposed getting a tattoo on numerous occasions, but has not done so and I am not sure why? ← & 8 5 3
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 17
    velvetsmokes • 5h What you did was petty and immature, but I'm not going to dump on you. You were acting out from a place of hurt, and took it too far. Not the end of the world, or the marriage necessarily, but you have to communicate better. Your husband is probably very angry and hurt, and now you're overwhelmed with all the ring stuff, and probably feeling a lot of guilt and shame. Instead of looking into couples tattoo appointments, I'd ask him if you can make an appointment with a couple's
    via u/velvetsmokes
  • 18
    Disastrous-Sun-6620 OP. 5h Thank you, I am definitely feeling the guilt and shame to the max - hence why I posted this. I think somewhere in my mind, I knew this was an overreaction - unfortunately, it was too late to get it back by the time it fully clicked (just the way our garbage works here - it's not regular bags/containers). He usually needs a day or two to process his feelings, so I am going to wait for that to say anything. 853
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 19
    Thunderplant • 2h OP. You did mess up, but this adds a ton of context now that I find out the ring was the only reason your husband had to admit he was married, and that without it he preferred to pretend otherwise. No wonder that ring was tied up in a bunch of emotional baggage for you. It also gives a lot more context to your frustration of begging him to pick out something he wanted, him not doing it, then complaining about what you got and using it as an excuse not to wear it. Does he treat
    via u/Thunderplant
  • 20
    Disastrous-Sun-6620 OP. 1h Yes, things have gotten a lot better. His family eventually came around, and that's when he started to share we were married. I have never had issue with him not wearing ring at work (I was expecting this initially), but I started to feel horrible about it when I realized nobody knew he was married. Which is why I provided that context, I am fine now with him not wearing ring to work, because his co-workers know about me. I think it just pained me because he expects me
    via u/Disastrous-Sun-6620
  • 21
    Wandering Gnostic ⚫ 6h • YTA, but for more than just throwing away the ring. You married a man who you knew didn't like jewelry and was in a profession where jewelry was a hinderance. So instead of actually listening to his wants, you badgered the out of him until he caved and said okay, make it light. When he saw it he told you directly that it was too bulky. Then, after much more nagging, he caved even further and started wearing the ring socially when he remembered. I mean, . Nothing this poo
    via u/WanderingGnostic
  • 22
    more do you want from this guy? Maybe try being a good ☐ partner and LISTENING to what he wants for a change. Reply 14
    via u/WanderingGnostic
  • 23
    maccrogenoff • 6h YTA Plenty of people dislike the sensation of wearing jewelry. Also, as he's explained to you, his profession makes it difficult to wear jewelry. By all accounts, he's not taking you for granted. Even though he dislikes wearing rings, he wears it when he's out socially which is a compromise for you.
    via u/maccrogenoff
  • 24
    Not wearing a ring doesn't signify anything. You are letting your unfounded insecurities rule you. If he'd taken it on his work trip, there's a high likelihood that he would have lost it due to having to take it off during work. He left it where it was safe. ... ← Reply Ŵ 3 ♡ зд
    via u/maccrogenoff
  • 25
    Foolish-Pleasure99 • 5h NTA. The ring is supposed to be a symbol of your commitment. But its just a symbol - one important to you but not to him. You did force this on him despite his clearly being against it every step of the way. It had alyways been your agenda and later, seeming very bregrudgingly, he as accepted it, sort of. Having always been you agenda inflicted on him, and seeing all the angst policing his ring habits has caused you, the only cotrect move is for you to just get rid of it.
    via u/Foolish-Pleasure99
  • 26
    Ο Yiayiamary 5h I didn't buy my husband a ring. He still doesn't have one after 50 years of marriage. Throwing your husband's ring sounds more like a temper tantrum than anything. At the very least you could have sold it for the gold weight. It is not necessary to have a ring and for many occupations it is a hindrance. Reply Ŵ 2 ♡
    via u/Yiayiamary
  • 27
    You forced it, he never cared about it, it always bothered you, you got over it and got rid of it. Problem solved. (After all his legit kicking and screaming about getting it or wearing it at all, his crying now about you removing a problem you created can pretty much ignored). ← Reply
    via u/Yiayiamary

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