Man's Possessive Cousin Throws a Public Tantrum After Not Being Invited to His Wedding, His Fiancée Pushes Him to Draw Boundaries

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 9, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web. Cousins are such a mixed bag. Some cousins are as close to you as a friend or a sibling. Maybe you grew up seeing them often at frequent family events, resulting in a strong bond that could last a lifetime. Other cousins you might actually not even be able to point out in a police lineup because you've only seen them in photos or from across the dance floor at a wedding. 

In our story today, our protagonist is dealing with a strange cousin relationship. Her fiancé's cousin seems to have an unhealthy obsession with him. Her possessiveness becomes more and more evident our protagonist grows closer to her. From frequently spending the night at the couple's home uninvited to causing a massive fuss over plans they happened to make on her birthday, this cousin's obsessive behavior culminated when she found out that she would not be invited to the wedding - in part due to her past actions. Read below for the full story. 

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  • 01
    TWO TAKE r/TwoHotTakes u/Ok Acanthocephala322.9h AITAH for not apologizing about throwing a party on my future cousins birthday?
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 02
    Some backstory: I (33f) met my fiance (34m) at the same time as his cousin (35f) through mutual friends 3 years ago. Cousin and I got along well at first because we have common interests and beliefs. However, the more serious things got with my now fiancé, the more red flags from his cousin started to show. I started to notice she liked making everything about her. At dinners with family she would take over the conversations to talk about about how young she looks and how smart she is.
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 03
    The day we got engaged she announced her pregnancy, asked my fiancé to be the godfather and looked straight into my eyes and said that didn't make me the godmother, her best friend would be. On my fiancé's birthday she texted him that he should look forward to a year of babysitting her newborn son. She lives 6 hours away and would text us last minute if she was in town, sometimes to hangout, but usually to take naps in our apartment. If we ever said no because we had other plans she would throw
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 04
    The problem at hand started 6 months ago. Cousin and I have a birthday exactly one week apart. For my birthday weekend my fiancé took me out of town for a getaway. The following Saturday I arranged to go wedding dress shopping but still wanted to celebrate with my friends so I decided to throw a simple get together at a park on Sunday. Please keep in mind I did not remember what day her bday is when planning and this was the only day I had to see friends.
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 05
    A few weeks before the party, fiancé told me cousin was coming into town and asked him to get brunch with her for her bday, the same day as my park gathering. I let him know I wasn't going to change my plans but would invite her to the park with us. I texted her to let her know and at first she seemed fine with it and said she would let me know if she could make it. Sounds good.
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 06
    Things took a wild left turn from there. I added her to my online even page and she started leaving snarky comments about how it was her ACTUAL bday and that she was going to celebrate with HER friends. I texted my fiancé about this and he said she sent him a scathing text about me, saying I was trying to co-opt her bday, that I was being "disrespectful" and that I owed her an apology. This really stung so I sent her a text to clear the air and try to mitigate the situation. She said all sorts o
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 07
    from now on because he is HER family. It got really weird but I tried to keep my cool and said to her, "for the sake of the family I would like us to get along. I'm willing to try if you are." She agreed and I thought that was the end of it but the day of my bridal dress shopping she freaked out at me again to try to ruin a special moment. She said she couldn't believe i was still throwing my party and that I was so disrespectful for taking over her day. I didn't respond and after that I can't s
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 08
    Fast forward to last Friday. She was in town and texted my fiancé to have dinner. I honestly was still hurt from the way she treated me and have been having mental health struggles for unrelated reasons so when my fiancé asked if I wanted to go I said I wasn't ready yet and stayed home.
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 09
    All broke loose at dinner. Cousin told fiancé I was sending a "clear message" by not attending and that I was being "disrespectful." My fiancé stood up for me (love him) and said I was just tired from work and that he and I didn't know it was so important for her that I show up. When she arranged dinner she didn't tell him she wanted to speak to me nor had she texted me directly about it. I honestly thought she only wanted to spend time with him so this all took me by surprise. She told him she
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 10
    that I was an for not showing up to apologize. She said I should be doing more to make amends with her before the wedding. That's when my fiancé told her it is likely she might not even be invited to the wedding because we are planning to only invite immediate family to save money. She lost it and stood up screaming at him that she is like his sister and if we don't invite her she will never forgive me. She then walked out and left my fiancé to pay the bill. He was shaking and almost sobbing whe
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 11
    I talked to my mom and sister and they said I should swallow my pride and apologize for the sake of the family but I feel like this is her way of having control/ dominance over me. I feel like if I apologize she will find more reasons to treat me this way and it will be a never ending issue. So am I the for not apologizing to her that I threw a party on her birthday? Sorry for the long post! ↑ 439 127 8
    via u/Ok_Acanthocephala322
  • 12
    Far-Dare-6458 · 9h NTA though your fiancé's cousin certainly is. Do NOT under any circumstances invite her to the wedding. She will do something to be the center of attention and ruin all your happy memories associated to your wedding. Going NC would probably be best, but if he's as close to her as she thinks, start off by going LC and seeing if you need to be more drastic. Happy birthday and congratulations on your wedding!! Reply 515
    via u/Far-Dare-6458
  • 13
    20 Dewhickey76 • 7h I know it's really gross to think about, but this whole situation is giving off COUSIN CRUSHING ON FIANCEE vibes to me, coupled with Main Character Syndrome. Either one of those should be avoided but put together they spell a possible restraining order. 223
    via u/Dewhickey76
  • 14
    sparksgirl1223 - 8h I agree. I really hope she doesn't know the date or location of the wedding. And I'd be getting new phone numbers if it was me. ← 65 ↓
    via u/sparksgirl1223
  • 15
    billymackactually ⚫ 3h • Definitely password-protect the venue and all vendors. ← & 9
    via u/billymackactually
  • 16
    chiefsurvivor72 • 7h Also you don't really have a cousin problem- your fiancee does. He needs to straighten her out, and if she's unwilling to listen (which it sounds like). He may have to go LC/NC (his choice). The good news is he stood up for you! ... रु त ট65
    via u/chiefsurvivor72
  • 17
    yzgrassy 8h • Nta. She is 35. She needs to grow up.. ← Reply 110
    via u/yzgrassy
  • 18
    AggravatingOne3960. 9h NTA. Telling someone that they should fix "things that don't involve but make me feel uncomfortable" is my pet peeve on this sub. Have your immediate family-only wedding and tell cuz to kick rocks. Reply Ŵ 87
    via u/AggravatingOne3960
  • 19
    Crazy-4-Conures • 8h Wow, 8 billion people on planet earth, but only one was born on THAT day. Apologizing to this nutter is the equivalent of laying down and saying "please walk on me, I'm a doormat." Both you and fiance need to disappear her from your lives. ... Reply 78 ↓
    via u/Crazy-4-Conures
  • 20
    Un1QU53r 8h NTAH - have a candid talk with fiancé. Get his thoughts on going Ic with this woman and definitely not invite her to the wedding. Do not babysit her young one. Stop letting her sleep at your house. Your fiancé sounds like a good one, so decisions about this cousin should be made together. Hopefully, he sees her behavior as a problem too. Reply 44
    via u/Un1QU53r
  • 21
    NTA BlindUmpBob • 8h This nonsense of owning a day because it's the anniversary of the date you graced the world with your presence is ridiculous. It's not really much of an accomplishment being born. It has happened to billions of people.
    via u/BlindUmpBob
  • 22
    I'd not invite to the wedding. And hire security to see to it she doesn't crash it. She'll cause a scene and ruin the day. It seems as though your fiance has your back. If he's not on board with this, think long and hard about whether you want to play second fiddle to her for the rest of your life. ← Reply 30 ↓ 303
    via u/BlindUmpBob
  • 23
    curlyq9702 8h NTA - she sounds like some weird main character - pick me type of person that has an unhealthy attachment to your fiance that is now showing itself with yall being engaged. Almost like he wasn't supposed to live his life or do anything she didn't allow... I'd honestly work toward cutting all contact with her. ← Reply 22 ♡ 223
    via u/curlyq9702

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family drama tantrum possessive wedding drama toxic reddit story relationships engaged wedding couples love boundaries reddit thread red flag Reddit dating cousin
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