‘Is it fair?’: 17-year-old son forced to act like the parent after unemployed stepdad and pushover mom use up all of his personal savings, gives them a talking to and vows to move out

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Sep 15, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

Adolescence is already a complicated time. You are going through so many changes in every way possible. It can be made easier with good parenting. Sure, parents jokingly whine about raising "moody teens," but what happens when the parents are acting like the irresponsible teens? Who is parenting how at that point? This teen turned to Reddit to seek advice on what to do about his current family and financial situation. His stepfather is unemployed and puts little to no effort into looking for a new job. His mother works, but at a very low-paying job and it is definitely not enough to keep a family afloat. This teen has also been working and saving, but as of late, he has no more savings. He had gotten to $2k of savings, but his parents drained him of every last cent. He understands that his family is financially struggling and wants to help, but he also wants to be a teenager and not have these adult burdens. He had to give his stepdad and mother a talking to and it ended with him vowing to move out and make it on his own. What advice would you give?

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    "Is it fair to me, their child, to assume their ADULT financial responsibilities to only still be treated like a kid?"
    via Михаил Крамор via Pexels
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    Interesting-Golf5333 17, Getting kicked out in two months and my plan is to balance school on two jobs. Is there a better way?
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    I suppose some some clarification is in order, my "parents" don't exactly parent. My step-father (lets say his name is john) lost his job in February due to disgruntlements with another co-worker and was unemployed until early August. During this time John did absolutely nothing other than play video games and sleep, leaving my mother to pay bills, cook, and clean. Eventually she just gave up and I lived on pizza rolls for a month.
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    Granted I help out where I can; I mow the grass, helped cook, clean, etc. Every morning before she got to work she seemed tense and would ask him "Any job opportunities?" However the situation. really became transparent to me when she started asking to "borrow" money. First it was 20 dollars, then 30, then I was just paying bills out of my savings. It never felt like I could say no as that could be the very reason the lights go out or we lose internet (how my mom makes money). One day she offere
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    my two younger siblings to/from school. "Here in a few months when were caught up you can pay me another 1k and I will sign it over to your name you just have to pay 190/mo. for insurance." Since that money has been moved they wont even let me take my permit test saying "John needs the car for work there isn't a point anyways." I feel my mother owes me 700 dollars and a Car as my parents bills and poor spending choices should not be my responsibility as her child. I waited a few weeks after John
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    funds were completely gone at that point, to which her response was "we don't have it right now." The day prior her and my sister had went to Carrabba's and Starbucks and I felt entitled to throw that back in her face. It was wrong for me to talk the way I did to my mother as that was the first luxury she and my sister had in long time. I was just frustrated with my own financial situation as it was to the point where I myself owe my girlfriend and a close friend collectively $120 compared to mo
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    how she was responding, the argument continued to escalate and I told her how I really felt. I told her how irresponsible I believe she can be and how quick she is to distance herself from that reality. I told her how I think of John as nothing more than a man-child; going as far to say that he's basically her kid. She said "if you're so financially responsible in two months. you can see how hard it is." More than anything she seemed appalled by the whole argument and was ignorant to even hear m
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    assume their ADULT financial responsibilities to only still be treated like a kid? Jump to present day, I landed a part time job at a chain pizza place working the maximum amount (28hrs [Child labor laws] at a $12.5/hr rate, so about $400- 550 biweekly.) Cooking is my passion and I truly love the pace of a lunch/dinner rush with the right crew. My plan is to save for my own car these next two months so I at least have shelter and transportation while I get on my feet with a second job. After the
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    plan on going online and finishing school though that so I can get a fulltime job at the international airport nearby as I figure a government position would prove most beneficial. I suppose I'm going to live in the local ghetto apartment complex whenever I can by only purchasing bare necessities and living in my car. In a little less than two weeks from today I will have about 200 dollars to invest with on hopes and dreams. I guess my questions to those whom were willing to read all of that are
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    have any better ideas for me and how to make money? Any and all advice would be appreciated as at the end of the day I'm just a 17 year old kid that feels money has ruined my life already.
    via Interesting-Golf5333
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    Dazzling-Ad5889 • 15h ago I don't really have much advice for you but do you have any friends you could stay with maybe? When I turned 18 I ended up moving into a small apartment with a co worker. I lucked out with the person and we are still friends to this day. If you don't have a place, see about getting a membership to a 24hr gym so you have access to showers and a mirror. If you can work out
    via Dazzling-Ad5889
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    something where you have multiple responsible roommates, like... they don't party, drink, do drugs, bringing home random people, focus on school and bettering themselves, you can have decently low rent with, hopefully, low drama. I don't know your denomination or anything but maybe check around your local church groups for someone looking for a roommate. Or people looking to get into university.
    via Dazzling-Ad5889
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    Pretty much someone with goals for their future that extends past next weekend. With everything being so expensive, sharing rent, food, utilities, even rides if you can, will be a game changer and allow you to save possibly. You definitely want to get a permanent address too. Even if it's a PO box it will allow you to sign up for things you need like car insurance and a credit card to start building your credit. And always be careful
    via Dazzling-Ad5889
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    with a credit card. Don't use it like money because it is actually debt. Only put stuff on your card that you can pay for directly until you know you can manage it. I started out using it for gas, phone, and utilities. but paid it off the following paycheque so that my credit score could increase. Most importantly!! You are amazing for approaching this in such an open. minded way and you can definitely do this! Stay positive and always be looking for opportunity.
    via Dazzling-Ad5889
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    • leavesmeplease 14h ago Your suggestions about finding a roommate sound solid. Balancing everything can be tough, but having a place with a few responsible people could really help take some pressure off. Getting an address is definitely a game changer, especially if you want to start building credit. Kudos for being proactive about all this at 17, it's impressive. Just keep hustling, and you'll figure it out.
    via leavesmeplease

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teenager work money problems working bad parenting narcissistic parents raising teens advice career adolescence Reddit parents employment moving out
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