Maid of Honor Refuses to Attend Wedding After Bride Fails to Congratulate Her On Her New Job: 'You only think about yourself.'

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    A few months ago, a friend of mine told me she was getting married, it wasn't meant to be a regular wedding but more of an elopment kind of thing. We were supposed to be her, the groom, me (as a Maid of Honor) and a Best man, plus a few close family member, about 10 people in total, and it was planned for early November. I say "wedding" like that in the title because there will be no invites, no "save the date", no ceremony, no walk down the isle, just courthouse and dinner (that comes from the
  • 02
    A week ago I got the news that I had gotten a permanent job, I don't know how to explain it because this is a very typical thing from my country, Spain, where every so often, the government will hire professionals to work either in the administration or in public institutions (education, highschool...) This is usually a great opportunity because these positions are for life (well, until you retire) and they can never fire you. In order to apply for these positions, you have to take an exam, and
  • 03
    Long story short, I took my exam last year and last week I got told that I got one of the jobs, but I will be moving cities for that. When I told my friend this, the only thing she said is "when are you leaving?? Can you still come to my wedding?" No congratulations, no "i'm happy for you", nothing. I must add, two weeks ago I talked to her to know where were we having dinner for her wedding, and she said she didn't have anything planned yet, let alone booked.
  • 04
    I must add, two weeks ago I talked to her to know where were we having dinner for her wedding, and she said she didn't have anything planned yet, let alone booked. Had she told me she had everything booked and that she really needed my RSVP, i would've understood her answer, but in that context, I've decided that if the only thing she cares about is her and her wedding, and she can't be happy for me, I'm not going to the wedding. AITA? 3,650 ☐ 1,049 D
  • 05
    aurorasexy 12h YTA. While your friend's reaction may have seemed dismissive, it's possible she was caught up in the stress of wedding planning and didn't fully process your big news. Weddings, even small ones, can be overwhelming, and she likely values your presence on such an important day.
  • 06
    Instead of immediately deciding not to attend, you should have communicated how you felt about her response. Friendship is a two-way street, and it's important to express your feelings rather than make assumptions. Canceling your role as Maid of Honor. because of one comment comes across as self- centered and could hurt your friendship in the long run. Talking it out would have been a better approach. Reply 9k
  • 07
    serdasus101 • 11h What wedding planning and what stress?... it is just 4 people having dinner after signing some papers... 1.9k
  • 08
    PeachManzie • 10h It's 10 total. Says right there in the post ... 1.2k
  • 09
    Corodix • 10h So signing some papers and a dinner for 10. What wedding planning and what stress still seems like a pretty solid question. ... 11.7k
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    Miserable_Dentist_70 • 10h Pooperintendant [50] Most people find embarking on a lifelong commitment pretty stressful. 11.8k
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    analyst19 12h . Supreme Court Just- YTA. Yes, it's [144] that she didn't congratulate your for your job, but in your post you're denigrating her wedding by putting it in quotes. It's clear you were to play an important role that day and you must be close friends if you're the maid of honor and one of just 10 guests. Also, Spain is a small country with good trains. It shouldn't be hard to go back on a Saturday for the wedding. Reply 4.2k
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    lamIrene 12h • Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [350] Sounds a little over-reactive to me. You blame her for being all about herself when you are being all about yourself too. You don't have to go because an invite is not a mandate, however, if you aren't going in retaliation for her not being happy for you about your job, then absolutely...YTA. Reply 3k д
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    thelittlestdog23 · 8h Agreed YTA. Her first thought was to be concerned that her friend couldn't attend her wedding, which is a pretty normal reaction. Pretty big leap to go from that to assuming that she doesn't care at all about your job or isn't happy for you. You are either strangely self-centered or looking for an excuse not to go to the wedding. 221
  • 14
    houseonpost • 11h Partassipant [1] YTA: "the only thing she said is "when are you leaving?? Can you still come to my wedding?" For some weird reason you are interpreting her comment negatively. Her comment could easily be interpreted as 'You are very important to me and I really hope you can still attend an important event to me. You are one of only 10 people invited and I'd really like you be there.' Congratulations on your new job. Reply 1.9k
  • 15
    ginnymoons • 11h Enthusiast [5] This... honestly I would be flattered in OP's shoes, the bride chose her as MOH and to a super small ceremony nonetheless! She's worried OP can't make it and it worries her so much it's the first thing she asks. Yes she could've congratulated her but feelings are impulsive and a wedding can stress people out. Instead of feeling honoured that the bride values her presence so much, OP behaves like a petty person. Also I strongly hate how OP belittles her friend's we
  • 16
    admiral-change • 9h I'm almost reading it now like OP has been weird and dismissive of her friends wedding up until then so maybe her friend was waiting for OP to do something like this, so her reaction was getting right to it. The fact OP is the MOH and 1 of only 10 people and is referring to it as just a friends "wedding" is so sad to me idk. ← 98
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    Business_Glove3192 • 12h Lol she chose you as her maid of honor? She must have poor choice of character. ← Reply 751
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    imsuited 11h I did a court house and dinner with close friends and family. About 10 people total. I find it insulting you would put wedding in quotes because it doesn't fit your idea of a wedding. It's their special day no matter what they choose to do. YTA Reply 255
  • 19
    Someone You Dont Know 70 12h Commander in Cheeks [238] ESH. I agree that neglecting to congratulate you was inconsiderate of her. I don't see why you have to bail on her wedding just because she had a moment of selfishness. If there had been a long pattern of this behavior, I might be more understanding, but this knee- reaction seems petty to me. Reply 75
  • 20
    Fresh Caramel8148 • 11h . I understand your annoyance but to blow up a friendship over this seems extreme. Reply 58 ↓

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