Woman Expected to Pay for Her Brother’s Lavish Wedding, Her Refusal Sparks Family Backlash, Revealing The Family Favorite

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    r/AITAH u/Flaky-Purchase103 • 2h AITA for Refusing to Pay for My Brother's Lavish Wedding Even Though I Can Afford It? Advice Needed
  • 02
    I (32F) have worked really hard for everything I have. Growing up, my parents treated my younger brother, Jake (29M), like he was a prince, while I was expected to be the responsible one. While I was working part-time jobs from a young age, trying to save money for college and paying for my own stuff, Jake basically got handed everything on a silver platter. My parents paid for all his hobbies, his car, even helping him with rent well into his 20s. Me? I had to figure everything out on my own.
  • 03
    I don't really resent that, or I try not to, because honestly, the hard work paid off. I'm now in a good place financially. I have a stable job, a home I own, and savings that make me feel secure. Meanwhile, Jake's only just now starting to get his life together. He's always been a bit... laid back when it comes to working hard. He got used to our parents bailing him out whenever things went wrong.
  • 04
    Now Jake's getting married, and of course, he wants a massive wedding. I'm talking like destination wedding, expensive venue, designer clothes for the bride, the works. It's pretty clear our parents can't afford this kind of thing anymore, especially after all the money they've spent on him over the years. But instead of being realistic, they're trying to make it happen for him... by asking me to pay.
  • 05
    They sat me down a few weeks ago and started with the whole "you're doing so well, and Jake really deserves this" speech. They basically want me to pay for most of his dream wedding because "you can afford it." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told them flat out that no, I wasn't going to pay for Jake's wedding. If Jake wants a big fancy wedding, then he needs to figure out how to afford it, not rely on me like he's always relied on them.
  • 06
    My parents didn't take it well at all. They started guilting me, saying that "family helps family" and that Jake's wedding should be special. Jake's fiancée also has these high expectations now, and apparently, it wouldn't be fair to her to have a wedding that isn't what she dreamed of. The pressure from everyone is unreal. My brother hasn't said much directly, but he's been making passive- aggressive comments about how "some people in the family" could make this wedding happen but are choosing
  • 07
    It's frustrating because while I could technically afford to help, why should I? I worked hard for everything I have, I saved and budgeted and made sacrifices. Jake has never had to do any of that, and now I'm supposed to bankroll this huge wedding? I didn't even have a big wedding myself!
  • 08
    Now I'm being painted as the selfish one in the family for not helping. My parents are practically begging, and even friends of mine are saying things like "Well, if you can afford it, why not just help them out?" But I can't shake the feeling that it's not my responsibility. Jake and his fiancée should plan a wedding within their means, not expect me to be their backup plan.
  • 09
    So, AITA for refusing to pay for my brother's wedding, even though I could technically afford it? I feel like I'm being unfairly judged here, but maybe I'm missing something? ☆ 477 ♡ ☐ 399
  • 10
    baddreammoonbeam888 • 2h NTA. No one is obligated to pay for their family just because. No exceptions ← Reply 743
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    IthacaMom2005 • 1h What about the bride's family? What are they contributing? ... ← & Ŷ 3
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    Odd Owl_5045 • 2h NTA it wasn't your wedding, he's a big boy if he wants to get married and play house let him pay the bills. ← Reply û 227 ♡
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    Flaky-Purchase103 OP 2h I agree totally wit you!! Thank's 63
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    rbuff1 • 2h If you give in and pay for this bloated wedding, you know it won't end there. You'll be expected to buy them a house, pay for daycare and private school for their kids, vacations.... Do NOT pay for the wedding! NTA!! 76
  • 15
    Sleepwalker2177 • 2h Do not do this. Next he will be asking for a loan for a down payment on a house then money for a nursery and clothes for your future neice or nephew. NTA, but your parents are for asking you to pay for his wedding. 22
  • 16
    One-Lab6077 • 1h The other commentor is 100% right. If you paid for the wedding, they would expect you to pay for childbirth, maternity, vacation, school, etc, just because you can afford it.
  • 17
    My wife have similar experiences with her family. She is oldest child and gave a lot for her family and her 3 younger siblings. She paid for their vacations before then they just shrug it off and not thankful (we know it from outsider). The reasoning because my wife can afford it and she is rich then she is obligated to spend more for her family while her siblings aren't. I mean, we are more well off than them but we fly economy, take public transport (train and bus). The money we spent for the
  • 18
    the one her mom praise? When one of her "not so well off" paid for around 30 usd gift because the "not so well off" are giving from his poverty. Well, she selectively forgot that the poor spent 2.000 usd+ for a few years back. ← & ☆ 14
  • 19
    NTA KMage63.2h What's next, you need to buy him the house he can't afford either? Reply 136
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    IHaveSomeOpinions09 • 2h Yes, that is definitely what is next. And then she needs to pay for the daycare they can't afford. Then the private school they can't afford. Then the college tuition they can't afford. БДД 48 Д
  • 21
    NTA Jedi Lazlo 2h Using guilt to manipulate you to pay for your brother's wedding crosses a ton of boundaries and shows zero respect to you. Second, if your brother's wife wants a big fancy wedding that he can't afford, he should man up and go ask the bride's father to pay for it or get a loan or STFU.
  • 22
    The fact that he didn't come to you himself and humbly ask for help paying for it makes the whole thing a nonstarter for me. And gaslighting you to think this is your duty is just If your brother needed an expensive operation, I'd say you're on the hook to help. That's when family helps family. Not when they want to rent a club with an open bar. Shut that shit down. SMH • • • Reply ↑ 97
  • 23
    NTA. Night Owl_26.2h "Unfortunately, my money is tied up and not liquid. As an adult you should have the wedding you can afford, so maybe coming up with a realistic budget and a timeline to save would be a good first step." Reply 46
  • 24
    Turmeric_Ping • 2h Family helps family when family is in need. Your brother doesn't need this, and he certainly doesn't deserve this. You're right to refuse and to resent being asked. Reply 78 ↓
  • 25
    Famous-Composer3112 • 2h Arrrrggggh, that makes me so mad just reading it. If your brother is a "prince," why can't the "king and queen" pay for his wedding? Nobody needs a lavish wedding, anyway. NTA. Reply Д

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