Woman's Fiancé Insists On Inviting His Ex Girlfriend to Wedding Against Her Wishes, She Considers Calling Off Engagement

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Public_Sky_8673 • 23h AITA for rethinking my whole relationship after my fiancé invited his ex to our wedding? Advice Needed
  • 02
    So I (28F) am engaged to my fiancé (31M), and we've been together for 4 years. Honestly, it's been great for the most part. He's thoughtful, kind, and we've always communicated well... until recently.
  • 03
    A few weeks ago, he casually mentioned that he wanted to invite his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, to our wedding. they dated for about 5 years and broke up, like, 7 years ago. He keeps saying they're just friends and that there's nothing between them anymore. But from what I know, their breakup was kinda messy and they didn't talk for a while after it. I don't know Sarah personally, but from what I've heard, she was a pretty big part of his life back then.
  • 04
    When he first brought it up, I was shocked. Like, who invites their ex to their wedding?? It just feels super inappropriate to me. This is supposed to be our day, and now he wants to bring someone who was literally a big part of his past relationship history? I told him I wasn't comfortable with it at all, and he got defensive. He said it's his wedding too (duh) and that he should be able to invite people who are important to him. He even said his family would love to see her there since they al
  • 05
    I just feel like... why is he putting her feelings before mine? I feel like the wedding should be about celebrating us, not bringing in people from old relationships. Everytime I try to talk to him about how I feel, he says I'm overreacting and being insecure, and that I "don't trust him." But that's not it at all I trust him, but I don't see why she needs to be involved in our day. -
  • 06
    Now I'm seriously rethinking everything. If he can't respect how uncomfortable this makes me, what's next? Am I crazy for considering calling off the whole wedding because of this? AITA for feeling like this is a huge red flag? 1,768 ☐ 733 D
  • 07
    Corgilicious 22h "Partner, I have never met this woman, and to my knowledge you do not have an ongoing friendship with her. Is that accurate, or is there more information you need to share with me?
  • 08
    If your family would like to see her and connect with her, they are free to do so at any time. It makes me feel really uncomfortable that you are disregarding and downplaying my feelings about having a stranger who is a part of your relationship past at our wedding. My objection to her attending is about the lack of her place in our current lives. It is not about a distrust of you. Is there a reason that I should be distrusting you?" Reply 419
  • 09
    BabiiGoat 21h • This is absolutely perfect. This is the thing that really needs addressing. If the two ladies haven't met, but the friendship is ongoing, it's going on behind her back. Like..hello 88
  • 10
    Spoopyowo 23h NTA, he obviously wants her there for a reason, what that reason is yet to be communicated properly. If he has been friends with her all this time why have you not met her?? There is more at play here, regardless he should be considerate of your feelings, he is after all going to be your husband. Why should he care that some woman he dated years ago is at his wedding? Especially as you said they have been friends but you've never met. Very bizarre. ... Reply 1.2k
  • 11
    Public_Sky_8673 OP. 23h There must be more behind him wanting her at the wedding!!! Like you said I never met her !!! :( 678
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    bitysis • 23h I wonder if he is trying to rub the wedding in the ex's face. ... ☆ 28
  • 13
    Ritocas3 22h Yes, that could be it. Specially if they had a messy break up. But if they had a messy break up, why does his family still love his ex? Something here doesn't quite add up. 20
  • 14
    Pure_Stop_5979 • 22h 3 possibilities; 1) He wants her there because she means way too much to him for comfort. 2) He wants her there to rub it in her face that he's getting married to someone else. 3) He wants her there because they're actually friendly and nothing more. Two out of three being very shady/ reasons, I do not like these odds. NTA +63
  • 15
    fearSpeltBackwards ⚫ 23h NTA. I don't get why he needs to have her at the wedding and if he is still friends with her how have you never met? I don't get it. And I'm a man. I wouldn't have even thought to invite my ex and I had 2 kids with mine. Bizarre stance to take IMHO. My kids came to my wedding but they met my wife a year earlier while we were still dating. Reply 478
  • 16
    Public_Sky_8673 OP. 23h I never met her !! Thats what puts me off about the whole thing I need to know whats happening between them .... what do you think? 304
  • 17
    TheTomahawk97 • 23h NTA. He should have backed off the moment you seemed uncomfortable. Instead, he doubled down. He doesn't respect your feelings. Reply 223
  • 18
    NTA Repulsive-Trash-2117 23h At the end of the day, a wedding is a big show of who is important to both of you - it's a celebration of (hopefully) your love and commitment to one another that you want to share with either who is most important to you, and in some cultures extending it to your community. So you have to ask him why is it so important that she's there?
  • 19
    Obviously you've expressed a boundary and he's ignored that if you want to call things off from - there, I think you are very valid because as you said, it doesn't speak well about what is to come if he just shuts you down. However, if you do want to attempt to consider if you want to continue with this relationship, you need to sit him down and have a genuine conversation about why he's so insistent despite how uncomfortable the idea makes you.
  • 20
    I suggest also speaking to the ex-girlfriend. It may be a little awkward but it should hopefully give you some closure regarding their relationship and help you understand her place in your boyfriend's life which could be one of many options including; he still has feelings and she doesn't reciprocate, they both have feelings for each other still, their relationship fell apart but they were able to somehow be platonic. Whatever the case is, you need to do what makes you feel best and most comfor
  • 21
    kaiiifox. 18h If this issue is causing significant stress and uncertainty, couples counseling could provide a neutral space to work through your concerns. A professional can help both of you communicate more effectively and understand each other's perspectives better. Reply 13
  • 22
    bellasadim 19h • It's crucial to recognize and communicate your personal boundaries in a relationship. Your feelings about the ex being at the wedding are valid, and it's important for your fiancé to respect them. A wedding is a significant and personal event, and both partners should feel comfortable and respected regarding the guest list. ... Reply 11

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