Man Hides Finances From Wife So Their Retirement Fund Grows, Despite Them Being Able to Retire Early

Advertisement
  • 01
    r/AITAH 8 hr. ago AstigmaticMoose My wife has no idea
  • 02
    I handle all of the financial decisions in our family. So much so that my wife has never checked her retirement accounts, bank accounts, etc. I don't even think she remembers the passwords, although she has them. She just doesn't care and HATES to talk about budgets and money. Now, I have access and
  • 03
    she gave me authorization to trade/manage on all of both of our retirements. I've done really well in the market for the last 5 years. Well enough that we could potentially retire early and the kids are covered for school, weddings, etc. But...I'm not bringing it up. I'm going to pretend we're still struggling and continue to stay the course with
  • 04
    savings. She'll appreciate it 20 years from now, when otherwise she'd feel comfortable digging in to our savings. She has complete access to see any of it at any time. Still, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. AITAH?
  • 05
    Edit: Ok, so yes, I have brought up retirement, investments, and budgets all the time. She's just made it very clear to me that she does. not. care. and that I'm in charge of that. And also, yes, we've done well enough to diversify and manage risk, albeit an up market and everyone in the market is doing
  • 06
    better. I get it. I'm not humble bragging that I'm a market guru by any stretch. Just got lucky.
  • 07
    Edit 2: So all of the back and forth scenarios and ideas ITT are what prompted me to ask in the first place. The same things were going through my head. I guess I'm just frustrated by having been stonewalled in the past in trying to be a team for finances instead of a one man show. She didn't want to hear it, so...we just didn't
  • 08
    talk about it. She got home from work tonight, and the Reddit hivemind has spoken. I called her over and said, "Hey come here for a minute." She walked over, saw the finance website and said, "Uuggggghhh. Do I have to??" | showed her the largest of the accounts and said, "This is where we are. We're going to be ok if
  • 09
    we can maintain what we're doing! Just wanted to show you." She said, "Ok." Then went to change from work. Yep. Massive no reaction. So, I don't know how to draw the stick figure person shrugging the shoulders, but that's where it ended up.
  • 10
    MrsMaritime 7h ago • What do you mean by "pretend to still be struggling"?
  • 11
    U.. 7h ago Edited 7h ago • For what it's worth, I don't think you're an , but , this does reek of an update in 15-20 years about her accusing you of things and seeking divorce because you weren't upfront with her.
  • 12
    Financials are a weird thing for a lot of people, but you should still take the time to keep her updated. My suggestion would just be to make some sort of "financial planning" monthly (or whatever the timeline would be that works for yall) date that's just the two of you
  • 13
    and some laptops/tablets at yalls favorite quiet restaurant that's just yall discussing some basic overviews of everything.
  • 14
    Timely-Profile1... .7h ago • Well I would say you should make the finances pretty plan and clear if they are joint accounts and savings. Tell her to trust you and your plans but to me it is not kosher to make her think things are worse than they are.
  • 15
    2LostFlamingos • 7h ago • I would just say "I was going through our investments recently. All is on track. Any time you'd like a more detailed update, please let me know."
  • 16
    Gaviota Respaldo • 6h ago • You're not the , but the lack of communication could have long-term consequences. While your wife has delegated financial management, it's important for her to be aware of the situation, especially regarding significant decisions like retirement.
  • 17
    You might consider updating her on the progress in a simple way, so she doesn't feel disconnected.
  • 18
    LatinaFoxy 7h ago • If your wife has no idea about something significant, it might be time to think about whether keeping her in the dark is fair to your relationship. Honesty is key in marriages, and even if you're worried about her reaction, you could be doing more harm by hiding things.
  • 19
    It's a slippery slope when secrets become part of the foundation in a marriage. Think about whether you're willing to risk her trust in exchange for avoiding the tough conversation.
  • 20
    tonightbeyonce... • 7h ago • YTA. Retiring early vs getting nicer stuff is a values thing. Married couples decide together what they value. most and sink their resources into making that happen. You clearly want to retire early, does your wife?
  • 21
    If she does, let her know that with your current lifestyle, that's on the table. But if she says, "I'd actually prefer to work a few years longer and travel while we're young/buy a house that works better for us/go out to eat once in a while," you need to respect her as
  • 22
    you need to respect her as an equal partner and find a middle ground for you both.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article