Man Accused of Favoritism by Daughter for Giving Son a Down Payment on a House, Despite Spending a Fortune On Her Recovery Years Earlier

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Mysterious_Win9549 • 13h . AITAH for giving my son a downpayment on a house but not my daughter?
  • 02
    I have two kids, a son and a daughter. My son is a hardworking guy, been saving up for years, but he's struggling to get a house in today's insane market. My daughter, on the other hand, married a wealthy guy a few years back. Her husband's family is loaded, and they live in a big fancy house that, frankly, makes ours look like a shack. No shame, just reality.
  • 03
    My son finally found a place he loves, but he was short on the downpayment. My wife and I decided to help him out-gave him some cash to make it happen. We're not talking millions here, just enough to get him over the line. He's super grateful, and honestly, it feels good to be able to do that for him. Now, my daughter heard about it, and she's furious. She's accusing us of favoritism, saying that we never gave her any financial help like this.
  • 04
    Thing is, we did help her a lot in the past. She was kind of a mess growing up-always getting into trouble, dropping out of college, even a stint in rehab. We spent a small fortune getting her life back on track, and when she married into money, we thought, "Great, she's set now." We're not exactly rolling in it ourselves, so helping her husband buy a THIRD vacation home is not on our list of priorities.
  • 05
    Now she's telling everyone I'm playing favorites and it's driving a wedge in the family. I don't think it's unreasonable to help my son get a house when he's starting from scratch, especially since we've already given her so much support over the years. So, AITAH here, or is my daughter just entitled? 4,378 ♡ ☐ 582 D D
  • 06
    slyest_fox 13h NTA. I agree with the other commenter. Tell her that you have supported them each financially in the way that they needed. She got rehab and he got a house. Or ignore her and don't explain it at all because you don't owe an explanation to a grown adult that's acting like a spoiled brat. She doesn't need help with a house and her brother does. Why is that a problem for her? Reply 4.8k
  • 07
    sofalba_xo 13h • He is just helping his son get on his feet. His daughter is already well-off, so it makes sense that his son would need more financial support at this point. 877
  • 08
    Sensitive-World7272 • 12h Is the daughter well off though? OP mentions. the husband has a vacation home, but does his daughter have financial security? Is there a prenup that would put her in a difficult position if her husband left her? OP should sit down with his daughter and ask some questions. 245
  • 09
    Sepelrastas 12h . They already helped their daughter through rehab and "getting to her feet". My parents helped my siblings by guaranteeing both their home loans. For me they gave me 10k for a home (as after retirement they disqualify as guarantors). They babysat 1000s of hours for my siblings (for actual kids and pets over ongoing 20+ y), but I have asked maybe a 100h in total for my cats over 4 years. Yeah, count out the total in both hours and dollars... Bet the daughter is up thousands. 423
  • 10
    RexSki970 • 12h . I mean, not really. She is an adult that chose to sign that pre- nup. (If there is one) To a certain extent as well, that is not her parents problem to solve. It's hers.
  • 11
    In her privileged position she could be making her own money and saving it. She could be building out a business or career. She is in a way better place than her parents to be saving and or investing in her future with or without her husband's money. She needs a reality check. Her brother got help to buy a home. ONE home. Something a lot of people won't be able to do. (Most likely myself included) Her spouse and her have a great home and EXTRA homes. She needs to take a seat. 126
  • 12
    Many_Monk708 • 12h He didn't even buy his son a house. He gave his some some help to complete the down payment. Not even the entire down payment. Princess quite a lot needs to cool her jets. ← 50
  • 13
    FunSprinkles8 • 13h She got rehab and he got a house. This might be taking it nuclear, but OP could share how much exactly was spent on rehab and getting her life back in order, while also listing the things she did to mess it up in the first place. Bonus points if it's more than the down payment. But I don't see this helping the relationship between OP and their daughter. 189
  • 14
    Richochet_97 • 12h I'm in recovery and went to rehab 5 times. My family spent at least $100k desperately trying to get me sober. They've gone to family days at some of these rehabs and spoken to other families. Some took out second mortgages on their houses and other drastic measures. It's expensive to get actual good treatment (in the US at least) ← 138
  • 15
    YourLilAlice52 • 8h You've helped them both in the ways they needed. Your daughter's upset because she feels entitled to something she doesn't actually need. She's living in a fancy house and married into money, while your son is just trying to start out. If she can't see the difference, that's on her. You don't owe her an explanation; just keep doing what's best for your son. ☆ 2 ♡
  • 16
    Ginger630 13h NTA! Ask her if you guys helping her out when she was a mess was fair to her brother? I'm sure she got all the attention and money focused on her during that time. Your son didn't even ask for the money. You gave him just enough to help. Send your daughter an itemized bill of what you spent on her. Ask her how she plans to pay you back.
  • 17
    My sibling didn't make the best choices and my mom helped them out with their rent. She never ? No. I had a steady job helped me. Did I get and a husband with a steady job. We didn't need the help. Sometimes fair isn't always equal. Reply 513
  • 18
    Campus Tour • 13h Maybe next time she brings it up, just point out that you put her through rehab instead. Maybe that will shut her mouth, especially if it's in front of other people. Reply 803
  • 19
    Bathroom Smooth1937 • 13h Not sure how she heard about it but my grandfather told me this along time ago when he would give me something. What he does for me is between me and him only and don't tell anybody else. I still honor that wish, I don't ask what my parents do for my siblings and I tell my kids it's nobody's business what they do for them. And your not an AH. I am guessing you have done things for your daughter as well. ← ☑ Reply 122
  • 20
    Existing Platform569. 9h Sometimes "fair" isn't "fair". I have this with my parents and my sibling. My parents (particularly my mum) are very insistent on everything being down to a financial zero, but my sibling and I are happy to sometimes have more one time and less another. For example, my sibling had their house replastered one birthday, and that same year I asked for Birkenstocks. Financially VERY different quantities but both what we wanted at the time. But if I was given money and my sib
  • 21
    To me this sounds more like feeling she has let you down and her insecurities are showing more than her wanting your financial input. Even as adults we still want our parents love and affection. It's not always about the money. Reply
  • 22
    InfiniteProfession23 .7h Family dynamics can be complicated, and her reaction might stem from feeling insecure or undervalued compared to her brother. Д Reply 9 ♡

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