23-year-old woman wonders if she's wrong for refusing to give her seat to 8-year-old boy and his "late 30s" mother: 'A few people gave me dirty looks, and I felt awkward'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 20, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

What is the etiquette these days when it comes to public transport? Not to sound like an "old man shouting at clouds," but it really does seem like etiquette—along with mutual unspoken respect and other social decorum—has gone completely out the window. Still, along with that, and theoretically causal of the previous issue is that people just seem generally more entitled and individualistic, it's all about "me me me" and "what can be done that benefits me" rather than partaking in the upholding of the greater good…

The greater good.

Still, it seems like entitlement and not poor public transport etiquette behavior was the issue here. Normally, as a younger, able-bodied person, you'd give up your seat in a second for someone who was elderly, pregnant, or otherwise handicapped. Otherwise, seats sort of tend to operate on a first-come-first-serve basis, and just being "previously pregnant" (aka a mother) doesn't really qualify you to be entitled to a seat… Even though, evidently, some parents seem to think it does.

Besides, kids have a whole lot of years of standing ahead of them so they might as well start with standing somewhere. Plus, their joints don't ache yet, so really, they should be the last ones to get a seat.

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  • 02
    AITA for refusing to give my seat to a lady and her child? I (23F) was on my way home from work on the subway, totally exhausted. My company had organized a sports event that I was busy with all day. My commute is pretty long-about 50 minutes. Luckily, I got a seat and was about to doze off when, at the next station, a lady and her young boy (who looked about 8 years old) got on.
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  • 03
    The lady was carrying her son, even though he looked perfectly capable of walking on his own. She walked straight toward me and motioned with her head for me to get up. She didn't even say anything, and it felt like she was just expecting me to move. The boy wasn't a toddler-he looked around 8 years old, so I didn't see why she was carrying him.
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  • 04
    Something about her face. triggered me, so I bluntly said "no." She seemed surprised and started talking about how someone my age should give up their seat for a mother carrying her child. She also made a few comments about how the younger generation is disrespectful. The lady herself looked like she was in her late 30s, and again, the boy didn't seem to need to be carried at all.
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  • 05
    A few people gave me dirty looks, and I felt awkward, but I stayed in my seat. However, once I got off and was walking home, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was in the wrong. AITA?
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  • 06
    Update- I was sitting in a regular seat, not a priority seat. And yes, I actually saw the child running and jumping around on the subway, shouting at times. It's not just an assumption-he seemed perfectly fine. The mother didn't bother to discipline him while he was shouting. Someone else eventually offered her a seat, and after that, she just sat down and started talking on her phone, probably complaining about the younger generation.
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  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the I might be the because I refused to give up my seat to a mother carrying her child, even though some people expect that younger people should be more considerate and offer their seat in these situations. While I felt the child was old enough to walk, the mother seemed genuinely upset, and
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  • 08
    I'm questioning whether my refusal was inconsiderate or especially since some other passengers gave me dirty looks.
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  • 09
    AncastaOfTheRiver . 19h ago • NTA. The woman picked you out of all the other people who were seated. She made a decision on sight that you didn't need that seat. If there was a reason her child needed it, she should be aware enough that other people might also have hidden disabilities that she doesn't do that. She could also use words to say 'my son has a disability, are you able to give up your seat?'
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  • 10
    Beneficial_Park7756 . 19h ago • Nta If she politely asked id consider it, however the head motion and the entitlement, she can stand for 10000 years as far as im concerned lol
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    wheelartist • 18h ago Absolutely NTA. • It's clear from the added info that the lady was just trying a ploy to get a seat. Just because you're young doesn't mean your needs matter less than those of a fellow regular passenger, also plenty of young people have invisible disabilities or injuries. She and others had no way of knowing if you were one.
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  • 12
    The simple fact is the priority seats exist for people who are elderly, disabled or pregnant/wrangling a young child, and people like myself who need one usually ask politely. She chose to target you in a regular seat because you're young, you had no obligation to return her disrespect with accommodation of her entitlement.
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  • 13
    misszealo · 19h ago • nah you ain't the for wanting to rest after a long day. carrying an 8-year-old? c'mon that kid can walk. sounds like the mom just wanted a free ride.
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  • 14
    history_buff_9971 • 18h ago. Aficionado [10] NTA I asked my "boomer" (lord I hate that name) Mum what the etiquette in her day was. She said you stand for disabled, elderly and pregnant women, when I told her this story she just laughed and said any child that could be carried could sit on their parent's knee and she would always have made us stand for any adult to sit on a local bus/train/subway (Can confirm she used to do that). So not a "younger generation" thing at all.
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  • 15
    Tamihera • 16h ago. When I was a kid, I had to stand for adults on public transport since I had "young legs." And now as an adult with arthritic knees, I'm supposed to stand so kids can sit?
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  • 16
    Forward_Giraffe9404 • 19h ago NTA...I wouldn't give up my seat either if someone walked in with the premeditated idea of guilting someone to give up their seat...probably why she was carrying the kid....so she can use him as a prop...
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  • 17
    (日) Default Munchkin 18h ago • • NTA - First she didn't ask which off with that. Second, being a mother of any child at any age doesn't entitle you to my seat. I'll give my seat to the elderly but being a parent was something you did not something that happened to you.
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  • 18
    _TiberiusPrime_ • 19h ago NTA. Personally, I give up my seat for the elderly (though I'm technically elderly now...), disabled, or a pregnant woman. Otherwise, they can go push rocks.
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