Mom and Stepdad insist 17-year-old spend late father's inheritance on step-siblings' education: 'I said no and I told them I wouldn't change my mind'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 22, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

Money between family and friends is a tricky thing, but giving money to help out can be a huge blessing when times are tough. Still, it's often said in these situations that you should never lend money that you expect to see back, essentially considering it to be a gift.

When that money comes from the loss of not one but two close and important family members, it really shouldn't be treated like a bonus that needs to be burned, and it's not an "easy come, easy go" type of situation. That money is your inheritance, a summation—in a financial sense—of everything your family has accumulated and passed on to help further your own life and well-being. And that kind of money doesn't ever come easy, especially when you're 17 years old and have low earning potential and a whole life ahead of you to shape.  

This teen got resistance from his mother and stepfather when he refused to share his late father's inheritance with his half and step-siblings, telling him that his father would have wanted him to be a "good brother." The teen turned to this online community for reassurance, getting the support of almost all responders.

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    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

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    AITA for not letting my inheritance be used for my step and half siblings when I'm not going to college? I (17M) won't be going to college after high school and instead I'm going to learn a trade. I feel like it works better for my skills and generally would be a better job for me. My mom isn't super happy about it but she knows college has been pushed on me for almost two
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    years and my mind hasn't changed. So she's accepted that she won't change my mind and nobody will. Here's why my post is here. My dad died when I was 6. When he was 9 my grandmom (his mom) died and it was due to medical negligence/malpractice and my grandpa, uncle and dad were awarded compensation, a huge
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    amount too, for her death. Granddad split it between my dad and uncle. He was working and received social security benefits for them because grandmom died and he knew she'd want them to be taken care of above everything. When my dad realized he was sick he made sure that money would go to me, his only kid. He set it up in a trust and left my granddad and uncle in charge of it. The
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    money is a lot. Like I could easy be debt free going to college with it and have some left over if I was smart about it. My mom knew about the money but cannot access it.
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    My mom has been married to her husband for 9 years. My parents were separated when dad died, btw. Her husband has a son who's a year younger than me and has a medical condition. My mom also has two kids with her husband/my half siblings.
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    Because of my stepbrother's medical condition and his mom not being in his life or his mom's family, they don't really have any savings for his college anymore (they had to spend it for some medical stuff) and my half siblings have nothing either.
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    My mom and her husband think that since I have the money and won't be using it for college, I should give it to my stepbrother and half siblings and let them pay it back if I insist but that I could also just give it to them as a way to help them with their futures and be a good brother.
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    I said no and I told them I wouldn't change my mind. Mom asked why and I said it's my inheritance from my dad. I could buy a house with it. I could protect my future with it. I could save it for my future kids. But I don't want to risk it not being paid back when it was dad's way of securing my future. She
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    told me he'd want me to do this and I asked her if she really thinks he'd want the money he got from losing his mom to be used on random kids that aren't me. She told me they're not random to me so yes. She believes he'd want me to be a good brother. She told me | should really give it more consideration. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I wouldn't let my inheritance be used for my step and half siblings to have college funds and this might make me TA because I'm not going to college and won't need that much so quickly and mom said they could pay me back if I wanted. This means that maybe I'm being really selfish.
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    BeeJackson 9h ago. NTA Congratulations on - protecting yourself and your future. You have considered your mothers request and your answer is still no. If you lend them money you won't be able to get it back without suing them. If they can borrow from you then they can borrow educational funds in other ways. You shouldn't be their only source of funding. They will take your money tend pretend like it was a gift.
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    Make sure your grandfather and uncle are aware of the situation and your plans so your mother can't go behind your back. Unfortunately sometimes people act this way when large amounts of money are involved. Good luck with trade school and your future!
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    MelodyRaine 10h ago • NTA it is not your responsibility to provide for your stepfather's child or for your half-siblings. Your mother is being disgustingly greedy trying to guilt you into taking care of her responsibilities. If I were to be brutally honest, it was irresponsible of your mother to procreate with a man who couldn't support the child he has even once, much less twice. Could you go stay with your grandfather or uncle?
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    Apart-Ad-... 9h ago Edited 9h ago NTA When my dad realized he was sick he made sure that money would go to me, his only kid. The fact he set up a trust to ensure this happened shows how much he wanted you to benefit from the money.
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    My mom and her husband think that since I have the money and won't be using it. for college, I should give it to my stepbrother and half siblings and let them pay it back if I insist but that I could also just give it to them as a way to help them with their futures. No way. That's not on you. Your mom has no right to ask it of you & her husband even less so.
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    She told me he'd want me to do this. No he wouldn't. That's just emotional blackmail & even more disgraceful to do it to a 17 y o. Go stay with your grandparents or Uncle if you have to. Hope the money brings you what you want. All the best. Eta missing word
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    HumanPandaSinger . 9h ago • NTA. This is your inheritance, given to you by your father to secure your future, not anyone else's. It's incredibly unfair for your mom to pressure you into using it for your step and half-siblings, especially when that money is meant to help you in life, whether for trade school, buying a house, or other personal goals. You're being smart by protecting it, and your father left it to you for a reason. Helping them is not your responsibility, and it's wrong for anyone
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    RedHolly • 9h ago. First, stop calling it your inheritance. That money is blood money. It was money paid to your family for the death of your grandmother. Every time your mother brings it up, refer to it as such. "You want me to use grandma's blood money, that she literally died for to pay for a kid she never met's education?"
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    • Scenarioing 9h ago "My mom knew about the money but cannot access it." ---For a reason. Indeed, this kind of story is the reason. "She told me he'd want me to do this" --If he did he would have set up the trust to include potential step or half siblings or at least least a non- binding memo indicating a desire that you consider being charitable in such a scenario. As an etate
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    planning attorney, I can tell you that such memos do exist and are discussed with client in trust and will sitations when someone 'would want' something done despite not it not being suitable or practical to put in in such a document. This is just an attemot to snooker you and guilt trip you with your dad's legacy at the same time. Very disgusting in my opinion.
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    "My mom and her husband think that since I have the money and won't be using it for college, I should give it to my stepbrother and half siblings" ---Ah, BTW, if you WERE using it for college, they would still want you to pay for those steps and halfs. I gather you know this. It's just an obvious talking point. Also, the trust, apparently does not require college per se. So this talkng point makes no sense.
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    These share your trust or inheritance with step kids and such' entitlement issues comes up pretty often here. The resounding response is to not cave to the pressure.
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    MysteryGirlWhite 9h ago. NTA Why should you have to risk your future because she and her husband can't provide for their own kids' futures? Not your kids, not your problem.
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    OnlymyOP • 9h ago NTA. No, don't give them a cent. The money was meant for you. There was a reason it was put in a Trust and your Mom wasn't a Trustee.
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    alien_overlord_1001 • 9h ago NTA there are other means of getting student loans - they are asking you - or rather trying to guilt you into - loaning it so they don't have to pay it back. You are doing the right thing - buy a house. A house is freedom to do whatever job you want and not have to worry about a roof over your head. None of these people are related to your father - he owes them nothing. He wanted you to have it. You don't have to feel bad about that.
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family drama entitled parents brother sibling rivalry teenagers siblings family feud parenting family step father step brother parents
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