23-year-old croc-wearing boyfriend draws girlfriend's wrath when he insists on wearing crocs to every occasion, readers are divided on the issue: 'He feels like I am controlling him by asking him not to wear Crocs'

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    AITA for asking my boyfriend not to wear crocs on dates Basically the title- My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) are medium/long distance (2 hours) and only see each other on the weekends. We've been going out to nicer restaurants and bars for dinners and going on cute dates. When we went apple picking, I asked him not to wear crocs because it's muddy, slippery, etc. It started a mini argument but eventually he switched to boots. When we went out to dinner that night, he wore the crocs again.
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    We are planning our halloween costumes and the next time we see each other and I asked him if he would wear shoes other than crocs. More than just the functionality part, they just aren't really what you wear when going to bars or eating at nice restaurants.
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    He even admitted to not wearing crocs to school often (phd) as he "dresses nicer for school". I think it's fun picking out cute outfits I know he likes and doing my makeup when I get to see him. When I asked if he doesn't like dressing up when we see each other, he said that it shouldn't matter what you wear. Like yes, but also there's a reason why people don't wear crocs to weddings or job interviews.
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    He feels like I am controlling him by asking him not to wear crocs, and I guess I am, but I feel like I'm going crazy trying to explain to him why crocs aren't a shoe for every single occasion. I'm not trying to throw out his crocs or anything, but I just really like it when he dresses a little nicer and doesn't wear sweatpants and crocs out.
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    He thinks that its superficial to care about what you look like and that he doesn't "think I look prettier" when I pick out outfit and do makeup. I love him and think he's cute no matter what, but I really do love when I know he puts a little effort in. TLDR: AITA for asking my BF to wear crocs less, i.e. when we go out to dinner or for drinks?
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    Edit: This has gotten a little crazy- I'm not going to to break up with my boyfriend because of crocs (lol). I really appreciate everyone who took time to respond- it made me realize that I don't really care what he wears as long as we get to hang out. I also am going to look into buying him a different pair of comfy/supportive shoes that he likes so he has options :)
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I might be an a hle by asking my boyfriend not to wear crocs/ telling him that i think he looks nicer when he dresses up a little-feels a little controlling but also I'm not sure if it's a universal thing to like it when your partner puts in a little extra effort
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    SoMuchMoreEagle • 22h ago. Commander in Cheeks [281] NTA You're not being "controlling" by asking him to look nice when you go out to a nice place. You're asking him to be respectful of the occasion and setting. That's just good manners. He can be bothered to dress nice for school, but not for you. That
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    thegloracle • 22h ago. P rintendant [68] NTA. I'd be irritated AF, too. My husband has a couple of pairs of crocs but he wouldn't be caught dead wearing them outside of our property or a campsite. I have bright Barbie- pink crocs for yardwork and camping too, but I'd never wear them out in 'real' public.
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    If he shows up again in crocs when you're supposed to be going out, wipe off all your make-up, throw on a ratty t- shirt and a pair of sweats then insist you only go to a drive- through fast-food place. If it doesn't matter what you look like, why should it matter where you eat? Especially if it's so much trouble for him to dress up nice for you.
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    Yeah, I'm like that. If you ask once and he still disregards a simple completely reasonable request, he can sit in it. Alternately take him shoe- - shopping for some nice casual slip-on dressy-type shoes. Those work with everything and don't scream 'trailer park'.
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    divinAPEtion • 20h ago NTA. So, what's coming to mind for me is not so much that you hate the crocs but the fact he is unable to pick a situationally appropriate shoe and it makes doing things harder. You both presumably knew it was going to be muddy and slippery and he still chose the crocs and got annoyed with you for pointing that out.
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    My SO would also refuse to choose a situationally appropriate shoe (as in - safe, appropriate for the weather and activity) and it always, always ended a) him snapping at me for suggesting a more appropriate shoe, b) me warning him about the likely outcome of choosing the inappropriate shoe, and c) him wearing it anyway, being pissy I challenged him, then being pissy about the outcome I warned him about, and having to go home early.
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    Going to the beach? Workboots. He complains about getting them sandy, then overheats because he won't take them off in 100f weather and we have to leave. Waterfall climb in Jamaica? Workboots. They get soaking wet because they're not made for water and he has to take them off, carry them, he steps on something sharp, grumbles all the way, he's in a bad mood now, the day is ruined.
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    The gym to work towards a mutual goal? Workboots. It's too uncomfortable to work out so he's not going to finish the workout we committed to together.
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    It wasn't ever about the workboots for me. It was the fact that even when the consequences of him not choosing a sane option repeatedly fell to me and cut short our dates or ruined our time, he still kept choosing the workboots and there was no real reason other than he dug his heels in when asked to consider my feelings. It was a symptom of a much larger problem in the end.
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    I don't know your exact situation, but for me, the big determining factor here would be: is he purposely, routinely choosing this shoe knowing you won't be able to complete the day's activities? If he's just comfortable and that's what he likes to wear (and it's not getting you kicked out of establishments) that's one thing. Annoying and embarrassing maybe but hey, if he's a winner in every other category, I'd be at peace with the crocs.
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    But if it's consistently an issue to where the activity has to be cut short, or skipped, or modified because of his shoe - choice and you are paying the price in dates ending prematurely and being turned away from restaurants despite him being perfectly aware of the activity and dress code - I would ask yourself... is it really about the crocs?
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    tinap3056 . 21h ago • NTA but this is probably not your person. He obviously does not care enough about you to wear shoes. You can do better.
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    tellmeallyourlies • 21h ago Part ipant [1] They're really classy when paired with pajama pants. •
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    A2ronMS24 20h ago • • Yes you can ask him to dress like an adult on dates. sheesh.
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    • urgasmic 21h ago Part ipant [3] • i mean, he should be able to dress how he wants to be honest. you just might not be a good fight together NAH.
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    computer7blue • 19h ago He's being intentionally difficult. That or he's simply dumb for not understanding something that even the most loyal wearers of Crocs understand... that they're ugly and not suitable for when you want to look nice, which is something he should care about doing for you, especially when you're doing it for him.
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    TinyLittleHamster Part ipant [1] • 21h ago • I wear Chuck Taylors with everything- with dresses, to work with blazers and dress pants, and with jeans. I wouldn't wear them to a restaurant nice enough to have a dress code (no jeans, jacket required) a funeral or a job interview. If a man told me to stop wearing them, I'd.dump them. They're superficial, and I'd rather find someone who appreciates my style rather than conforming to another's.
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    In the same vein,.I would not want to be with someone who would willingly change their style to conform with what their significant other dictates. If he's trying to wear Crocs to a funeral or your family's wedding, yeah, it's ok to let him know, but to a bar? YTA.
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    emerixxxx Part YTA. • 20h ago • ipant [2] I hate Crocs personally but some like apples and some like oranges, it's a matter of personal preference really. As long as the venues are turning him away for flouting their dress code, your bf is doing nothing obviously wrong. Some people like to take the time to dress up and be nice. Some people like to spend their time doing something else. Neither is wrong.
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    I would take the time to sit down and consider why you feel the need for him to dress up if the venues are ok with what he's wearing. Is it because you rarely get a chance to dress up and occassions like these with him are your only opportunities to do so? Is it because you want a nice photo of the night for memories? Is it because you really hate Crocs?
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    Either way, once you find out the reason, please sit down with your bf and communicate with him. Hopefully, the both of you can find a way forward past this.
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    Ghost_chipz • 21h ago . So if the situation was reversed and the guy was dictating what his girl could wear, the AH scale would be out of this world. I'll say you are the AH, his body, his choices just as you would expect for yourself.
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    the-demon-next-d... . 21h ago this is hilarious. you do not get to decide how someone else dresses. for a nice restaurant i could understand, it's nice to let someone know they might look silly or inappropriate, but for apple picking and for bars, those shoes are perfectly reasonable. do you just want a boyfriend for the aesthetic? YTA.
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    NysemePtem 19h ago. INFO I just really like it when he dresses a little nicer and doesn't wear sweatpants and crocs out. So it's not just about the Crocs, it's about dressing more casual in general?
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    Professional_Bee8... • 21h ago. Soft YTA. If the venues aren't turning him away, there's no reason for you to be judging him on his shoes. He deserves to be happy and apparently that includes the comfort of crocs (personally I don't get it either; I've never owned a pair). You can either love the man the way he is or leave him for someone that fits your expectations. No promises that the guy who wears better shoes is going to have any of the qualities you like from this one though.
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    . SmokePresent4630 18h ago Your post made me smile. My partner used to wear crocs all the time. He bought me a pair. He was a beautiful man but dressed like #*$%! He died 2 years ago & I miss him every day. Try to save your battles for the important things.

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