Mother and stepfather try to force 16-year-old to take his half and step-siblings to the waterpark with his grandparents: 'She's worried the other kids will feel left out'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 24, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Family is difficult, perhaps even one of the most difficult things. Even when the relationships are fairly "traditional" and straightforward, let's be honest: what is straightforward? Is there even really a straightforward when it comes to family? The reality is that there hardly ever is, and the families that try and act like things are straightforward are the most likely to be hiding something.

When families are more complex, mixed, or "blended" things get even further from simple. And who is it for anyone but the people directly involved to say how each family member should feel towards, and what their obligations should be to, the other members of the family? Should, say, the grandparents of one child give the same time and energy to the kids to whom they have no real blood or familial attachment to?

It's a really difficult thing to decide for anyone, and really it's up to everyone to make the decisions that they feel are best for themself, but when it comes to teenagers and parents, parents are always going to think that they know what's best—and be frustrated when their teens aren't complying. That's why things came to a head when this mother insisted that all the children in her care go to the water park with this teen and his paternal grandparents. The teen turned to this online community to get outside support and to see if he was wrong for resisting his mother's wishes.

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    AITA for not asking my grandparents to include the other kids in my house when we visit the water park? I (16M) have a really crazy house because my mom remarried after my dad died. Her husband already had two kids when they met who are now 12 and 11. Her husband's best friend went to jail 18 months after my mom got married to her husband and they took in his best friends kids who are now 8 and 6. Then her
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    husband's sister died and she had a a kid now 5 who also came to live here. So in total there are 6 kids (including me) in the house and two adults. My dad's parents see me a few times a year. My mom doesn't let me see them too often because she's worried the other kids will feel left out, especially because my grandparents don't automatically include them or send them gifts and stuff.
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    About a week ago they told me they were planning to take me to this water park that got renovated about 2 hours away from where I live. They said we could make a day of it and mom already gave them permission to take me for the whole day. Mom was listening to my conversation with them and right after the call ended she asked me if that was the place the other kids had wanted to visit. I told her I wasn't sure but probably since everyone was talking about it at school.
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    My mom made a noise and then a few hours later she told me she had talked to her husband and they wanted me to ask my grandparents to include the other kids that day. She said they could never afford something like that but my grandparents can and she's happy to pay to come along and be an extra set of hands. But she feels like they should be willing to include all the kids this once because it's something so popular and exciting.
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    I told mom I didn't want them to come with us and I wanted to spend time with my grandparents. She told me I needed to ask because they would never say yes to her but if they think I want them there it'll convince them. She gave me a few days to ask and I didn't and then her husband brought himself into the conversation and the two of them have
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    reprimanded me for being selfish and for being greedy. They said I have the chance to do something kind and wonderful for my "siblings" and it's not like mom isn't willing to come so she can help. But I need to accept that I have the only grandparents in this family and that means I should be encouraging more of an inclusive dynamic between us all. My mom told me she might not be able to say no to it but she
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    can remind me that I'm already not the best oldest brother in the world and one day I might actually think of them as siblings and regret not trying to make them happier. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ahle: I didn't ask my grandparents to include the other kids in my house in a day at the water park that they're already taking me on. My mom asked me to ask and she told me why it's a
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    big deal and I've had more than a week now and I still didn't do it even when pressure and shame was used to try and make me give in. This is what could possibly make me an AH.
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    RoyallyOakie • 11h ago Judge, Jury, and Exc■tion... NTA...it's THEY who need to a accept that you have grandparents and not rob YOU of the enjoyment of that relationship. It's they who aren't being the best parents by placing these responsibilities on you.
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    L. • P • 10h ago Edited 7h ago • rintendant [63] NTA. You don't owe those kids a big brother or grandparents. It's sad that your Mom married a man that drug in all of those children and your Mom thinks their needs are more important than yours.
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    It's sad that your Mom fails to realize the importance of quality time with your paternal family. Hold on to the living representation of your father. Enjoy the time you have with them.
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    Please talk to your grandparents so: 1. You can live with them at 18. 2. Tell them if they plan on you inheriting anything, put it in a trust so your Mom can't spend it on all the kids she didn't birth.
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    Dominique-Gle... • 11h ago Part ipant [4] Nta none of these kids are even related to you, let alone your grandparents. It's not the grandparents obligation to do anything for these random kids
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    throwawee1234 • 10h ago Next time, dont share the plans with your parents.... İ feel sorry for your grandparents. Its very nice of your mother to take care of all these kids, but that is her choice. She can not decide or have others manipulate others to have her way.
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    You know that if you take 3 kids in extra your budget for fun stuff will shrink. But that is not the responsibillity of any other third party.
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    MerlinBiggs • 11h ago • Supreme Court [1... NTA. You want quality time with your grandparents. They want time with you, not other people grandkids. Your mum and husband are the selfish ones.
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    ThreeDogs2022 10h ago • Part ipant [2] NTA, kiddo. Please tell your grands what's going on at home. Your step father is a bully, and your mother is actively being a bad mother to you.
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    mdthomas 10h ago . If your mother wants to ask your grandparents to include others, SHE should do the asking, not you. She wants you to ask so it will seem like your idea. NTA
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