Inconsiderate girlfriend volunteers boyfriend to help coworker move without asking him first, calls him a 'bad person' for refusing: 'I have only met this person twice'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 1, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Helping someone else move is a big deal. It's the creme de la creme of generosity and kindness. You wouldn't expect anybody except your closest friend or a blood relative to help, and even then they probably get a pass. Because moving is terrible. It's always more work than you think it's going to be, it's stressful, it involves manual labor, and it's expensive. Unless all you have to your name is a backpack, I would rather walk across hot coals than help you move. Even more so if it somehow involves a trip to Ikea. 

So it's no wonder that the man in this story was so upset when his girlfriend volunteered him to help her coworker move, without his consent. Anyone in his situation would be understandably miffed, but his girlfriend didn't seem to get the message. Read on for the story and see what you would have done in this situation. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10422466048
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for being frustrated my gf volunteered me to help coworker move
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 03
    My gf told me that she volunteered me to help someone move this weekend, and i pushed back. Causing her to get upset. So my gf told me that she told a coworker that her and I would help her move into her new house. This was not something she consulted and asked me prior if that was okay. This coworker is also someone I have only met twice in a year of dating, along with someone that she has not hung out with outside of work events.
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 04
    I was frustrated for a few reasons 1. I have only met this person twice, so I don't necessarily think I should be obligated to help them without my consent. 2. My team's football game will be happening during this time. I feel like this time is the one time of week I actually have to do what I want and just relax (we see each other 7 days a week.) so that is a blow to me on top of just being a fan of the team. This is something I have continually tried to communicate to her saying when my team p
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 05
    3. I honestly just wanted to relax this weekend and not do anything, and asked her to spend the weekend at my place (we almost always spend it at hers) while I did not explicitly say I wanted to relax this weekend (I know I could communicate better) typically when I ask to stay at my place that means we are going to have a relaxed weekend, since my place is further away from activities, etc.
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 06
    After pushing back to my gf stating those reasons, I was frustrated that she never asked me first, she went on to tell me I'm a bad person and she already told the coworker that I would help and should just help people move. Which I honestly feel is just not fair towards me at all. Am I in the wrong here?
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 07
    Klutzy_Wall_5894 • 13h ago . NTA. I didn't even read your reasons, your simply NTA in any way shape or form because she didn't consult with you first. Myself and my girlfriend always consult each other before anything like that, even for friends and family we BOTH know. On top of that, we hold a 0 pressure situation about it, I didn't attend her work party or her best friends dads funeral, both of which I was invited to, and she has no issues with that.
    via u/Klutzy_Wall_5894
  • 08
    I went on a driving holiday earlier this year, my girlfriend wasn't too interested in days worth of driving or seeing the motor race that we drove to, I had no issue with this, I went with my dad. There should be no pressure to attend even if consulted, never mind if you weren't asked in the first place. For the 3rd time, NTA, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    via u/Klutzy_Wall_5894
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    • Deep-Manner-4111 13h ago • NTA. You don't have to do anything you didn't agree to. She definitely should have asked if you were willing first. I honestly see this as a glimpse into your future if you stay with her long term. She doesn't respect your time and thinks she can dictate how you use it.
    via u/Deep-Manner-4111
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    External_Expert_2069 13h ago • So you're ok with her calling you a bad person when she doesn't get her way? You can still say no. This is not something you have to do. I would be looking at this relationship sideways
    via u/External_Expert_2069
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    ChatKat1957 12h ago • • I would approach the person you're supposed to help and just tell her that you're sorry but your GF unfortunately volunteered you without asking and you already had plans so you're not able to help. Don't need to explain why or what your plans are but by explaining yourself you can make it clear you weren't asked in case that's not what she is told.
    via u/ChatKat1957
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    Apar... 12h ago Edited 12h ago. • • NTA my gf told me that she told a coworker that her and I would help her move into her new house. This was not something she consulted and asked me prior if that was okay. It's not ok to volunteer your time without your consent.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
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    After pushing back to my gf stating those reasons, I was frustrated that she never asked me first, she went on to tell me I'm a bad person and she already told the coworker that I would help and should just help people move. No. No. And no. Which I honestly feel is just not fair towards me at all. No it isn't.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
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    Am I in the wrong here? No you aren't. I'd suggest reconsidering a relationship where you don't seem to have any agency or control over your time. I'd invite you to ask; "how is that going to bring you happiness?"
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
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    Either-Ticket-9238 13h ago • She called you a bad person!?? I would decline this "volunteering" and take space from the relationship. That's insane. Enjoy your football game and put your foot down.
    via u/Either-Ticket-9238
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    • Ancient_Balance_5514 13h ago • NTA. One of my biggest pet peeves is getting signed up for sh I never agreed to do. She should have asked you first.
    via u/Ancient_Balance_5514
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    Impossible_Rain_4727 • 13h ago Absolutely NTA. You must set this boundary now or she will be volunteering your services for the rest of your relationship. This WILL NOT be a one-off thing.
    via u/Impossible_Rain_4727
  • 18
    • Timely-Profile1865 13h ago • NTA, she can't just volunteer you both without checking first. All she had to do was run it by you and ask you as a big favor to her personally and you may have relented. Whether you end up helping or not you have to sit down with her and make it 100% CLEAR this is not okay behavior from her. If you don't she will push things further. She is your girlfriend not your fiance or wife.
    via u/Timely-Profile1865
  • 19
    Savings-Hearing2... OP 10h ago · UPDATE: I've said no again, and she's doubled down on me being a bad person, trying to say it's just what people do and bringing up the fact I grew up in a middle class family and she was poor so that's just how it works... I honestly feel like sh for a loss of words now and am
    via u/Savings-Hearing2736
  • 20
    Bittybellie 12h ago • • NTA. "Oh you should have asked me first. I have plans to watch the game like I've already told you. Have fun though!" You didn't agree, you already have plans, you don't have to go
    via u/Bittybellie
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    _Externails_ • 12h ago • Definitely NTA. Moving is like, the unspoken favor Olympics, and signing someone up without asking? That's a gold medal in volunteering others. Helping friends move is one thing, but a coworker you've met twice? And during a game? That's borderline heroic levels of patience you're being asked for here. Maybe suggest next time she check with you first before committing to Team U-Haul-it might keep everyone a little more 'moved' by the weekend plans.
    via u/_Externails_
  • 22
    Nester1953 12h ago. • You're not wrong. Your GF doesn't even get to volunteer you to help your granny move without your agreement in advance. She's going to need to tell her co- worker that she's so sorry but she hadn't checked with you when she volunteered you and turns out, you have another commitment. The communication problem here is not yours.
    via u/Nester1953

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long term relationship relationship advice aita relationship relationship status moving day coworkers relationship-drama reddit story relationships story moving reddit thread Reddit coworker healthy relationship moving out
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