Man Lets Teenage Son Invite Friends for Sleepover While Wife is Recovering from Major Surgery, Making Her Drive to Her Mom's House Against Doctor's Orders

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  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/BoldBraveBroken ⚫ 1d AITA for leaving home after my partner let his son invite 5 friends for a sleepover when I'm recovering from major surgery, without discussing it with me first?
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    *Disclaimer. On phone. Apologies for formatting. I (44F) had major surgery last week. I am home recovering and off work for 2 weeks, with 4-6 weeks recommended before resuming life relatively 'normally'.
  • 03
    My partner (42M) informed me late yesterday afternoon that his son (13M) was having 5 friends for a sleepover tonight. It's now Saturday where I live. I had no prior knowledge that he'd allowed his son to organise this and it's for no special reason, it's just because.
  • 04
    I was instantly upset. I asked why he would agree to that not only without speaking to me first but also when I'm just home from hospital and recovering from major surgery. His response was that he didn't think it would affect me and he just forgot to mention it. I started crying, saying that I felt so uncared for and that he was being inconsiderate of my healing and recovery. He continued to reiterate that he didn't see how it should affect me and that it wasn't a big deal.
  • 05
    He suggested that if it bothered me that much, I could go and stay at my Mums for the night. I didn't wait until the next day (today, Saturday), I packed a suitcase and drove myself to my Mums right then. Even though I'm not supposed to be driving yet. He has sent messages saying I'm over reacting and that he still doesn't think it's a big deal. I don't understand how he thinks an additional 5 teenage boys in a house with 1 toilet and the living space right next to our bedroom where I'm supposed
  • 06
    AITA for leaving right away, when in fact, I don't think I should have left at all. I think the sleepover should have been cancelled for another time?
  • 07
    EDIT TO ADD - Surgery was gynaecological. Removal of one ovary and fallopian tube, along with removal of a 6cm solid mass. EDIT 2 TO ADD - I do think (hope) if the Mum's knew I'd just had surgery, especially given it was major Gynecological surgery, that they would have declined the invite. Unfortunately I don't have contact information for any of the parents because the son mentioned is from my partners previous relationship and I have no interaction with that friendship circle.
  • 08
    EDIT 3 TO ADD - My Mum lives only 200 meters up the road. A one minute drive at most. I am still in a considerable amount of pain and medicated, but delayed my then due dose until after I arrived at my Mums. My kids loaded the car.
  • 09
    EDIT 4 - I have 4 children of my own, 2 are underage and live with us 100% of the time. Partner has 3 children total, 2 are underage and live with us four nights a fortnight. I say I have 4 biological kids and 2 bonus kids. This is because his eldest is technically his step son and also an adult.
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    THANK YOU TO EVERYONE SENDING CARE AND CONSIDERATION MY WAY. I am overwhelmed by the replies. I truly appreciate all of you for taking the time to read and respond to my post, restoring my faith in humanity 10.2k 1,232 D
  • 11
    ProfMG • 1d Ahle Enthusiast [5] NTA and I hope you'll post an update about 1- how he handled all the chaos 2-the state of the house after the sleep over and who cleaned it, 3- your thoughts on the long term viability of a relationship with someone who is this oblivious to your needs, and 4 anything else that happens as a result of you going to your mom's (which I think was a good call) - Reply 1 1.8k
  • 12
    Decent-Worldliness95. 1d And please stay at mums a very long time so he has to clean up after all the chaos ... 591
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    lemmesplain • 1d I bet he won't do diddly squat about cleanup ← 181
  • 14
    DS3333.1d Part ipant [1] NTA, what's wrong with him? Is he usually so thoughtless? Is he the type that because he is not currently recovering from major surgery that he can't use his empathy and imagine what that would be like for you? Have a good look at his past behaviour - is this a common theme for him? Because if it is, you deserve better. Hope you're healing well and speedily. Д Reply 13.3k
  • 15
    Bold Brave Broken OP 1d • I'm devastated because I think you're right. I do deserve better. Thank you for the well wishes. 9k
  • 16
    Comfortable_Arm3949 • 1d Not to mention what this behavior of your husband's is teaching your son about caring for/ about someone else. 374
  • 17
    Bold Brave Broken OP. 1d This does worry me. Partly because you're right, kids learn how to treat others by watching their parents and partly because he surely also now thinks I'm the evil step Mum who doesn't want him to have friends over. This isn't true at all. It's that the timing is horrendous. Another weekend would have been fine! ... 485
  • 18
    Vegoia2.1d but he didnt consider you at all when planning this, isnt it weird he didnt ask you anything, like sleeping stuff for the kids, that they'd make noise, nothing at all. How long have you been with this man? Is it his house? ... ← 48
  • 19
    redelectro7 • 1d Stay at your mum's house, there's nothing left for you back there. ... Reply 1.9k
  • 20
    Hungry_Ad_7627 • 1d He might have agreed to/suggested the sleepover to his son so she would scurry away to her mum's for the rest of her recovery so he wouldn't have to help her out anymore. That's me being cynical but weaponised incompetence is a very real thing. ✩ 494
  • 21
    Zealousideal-Log-152. 1d I agree. let him handle your kid and household without any help for a bit. ... ← 99 ⇓
  • 22
    NTA EJ_1004. 1d Ahle Enthusiast [9] I think you should go back and get the rest of your stuff. Reply 766
  • 23
    Sorry-Analysis8628. 1d Middle aged guy, here. Commenting in large part to demonstrate that we are not all clueless fuckwits. My thoughts: 1. Having 5 extra teenage boys spending the night in a small flat with 1 bathroom is a terrible idea under any circumstances.
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    2. There is no universe in which I would agree to allow my kid to invite five kids to sleep over without consulting my spouse, even if she was in perfect health. , probably even if she was out of town, and we lived in a six bedroom mansion. It's just inconsiderate. 3. I wouldn't need to consult my spouse to know that inviting kids overnight while she's recovering from surgery is a nonstarter. Just... no. That is such an obviously stupid and inconsiderate thing to do. ← Reply 177 ⇓
  • 25
    Far_Quantity_6133.1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] NTA. In the wake of a major surgery, your husband should be doing everything in his power to ensure that you're comfortable and that you have a peaceful place to recover. Instead, he decided to have 5 teenagers over. You are in no state to be hosting a party and that decision was either very stupid or very ignorant on his behalf. I'm sorry to break it to you, but your husband either A.) doesn't care about your recovery nearly as much as he should, or
  • 26
    Bold Brave Broken OP 1d . He has had multiple surgeries for injury repair over the years. Only 1 since our relationship started. I NEVER even had a fleeting thought to invite additional children to our home while he recovered though. 535
  • 27
    NTA. needabook55 • 1d Part ipant [3] The part where he is sending you messages about you overreacting is probably because he thought you would stay at the house and take care of the kids, even though you are recovering from surgery. Now he had to stay with the kids and take care of them all. Does your partner always take advantage of you and not communicate? Reply 498 ⇓
  • 28
    Bold BraveBroken OP. 1d This wasn't my concern about staying at home. He's completely capable of handling the needs of the household and kids. 162
  • 29
    WantToBelieveln Magic • 1d Ah le Enthusiast [7] The worst part of your story is his accusation that you are overreacting. reacting. If anything, you are under Good luck, OP, and get well soon. NTA Reply 116
  • 30
    AriDiamond Gold • 1d He doesn't want to be with you and is waiting for you dump him. ← Reply 227
  • 31
    Bold Brave Broken OP 1d I can't help feeling that this is true. 182

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