34-year-old buys first house, entitled parents protest when he refuses to share it with them: 'While I'm happy to help them in other ways, I'm not ready to share my home'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 12, 2024 6:00 PM EST

One thing about adulthood that not everybody talks about is what, if anything, we feel like we owe our parents as we become older and more stable. On the one hand, we need to live our own lives with a level of independence. On the other, assuming our moms and dads were halfway decent it is nice to give back some of the support that they gave us.

It is all too easy for the pendulum to swing too far either way, especially when you have pushy parents. This is what one man has been experiencing after recently buying his first house. His parents, who currently live in a rented apartment, requested that they move into his new home but he wanted his personal space. They got offended, but the internet wasn't so sure that they were in the right. Maybe this was something of their son's that wasn't theirs to keep.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for Refusing to Let My Parents Move Into My New House?
    via wear-jacket
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    1 (34M) recently bought my first home after years of hard work and saving. It's a modest but beautiful house in a quiet neighborhood, and I'm incredibly proud of achieving this milestone. My parents (both in their late 60s) currently live in a rented apartment, and while they're not struggling financially, they've expressed concerns about retirement and wanting a more stable living arrangement.
    via wear-jacket
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    After I announced my house purchase, they approached me with the idea of moving in with me. They said it would give them a chance to downsize, save money, and spend more time with me. While I love my parents and respect everything they've done for me, I was honest and told them that I wanted this house to be my personal space. I've lived with them most of my life, and I was looking forward to having my independence.
    via wear-jacket
  • 05
    They didn't take it well. They accused me of being ungrateful, reminding me that they sacrificed a lot to support me through college and early adulthood. They even suggested that I owe it to them to give back now that I'm in a better financial position. Some extended family members also chimed in, saying I should "honor" my parents by letting them live with me.
    via wear-jacket
  • 06
    I tried explaining that while I'm happy to help them in other ways, like assisting with rent or finding a better place for them, I'm not ready to share my home. It's not about them personally; it's about finally having a space that's mine. Despite this, they continue to pressure me, and now I'm starting to feel like I might actually be selfish for saying no. So, AITA for refusing to let my parents move into my new house?
    via wear-jacket
  • 07
    Connect Tackle299 Nta the minute you allow them into your home they will try to go back to the parent/child relationship and try to control every aspect and have no respect for you. Don't do it. Save your sanity
    via Connect_Tackle299
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    MadamePerry Definitely this! They will take over everything. Your friends are too loud! Why are they here again. We don't like your groceries. Can you drive me to ? Why are you going out? Again? There will be seriously worn places in your sofa from them watching their shows. It will be a nightmare and they will never leave. They should be proud of you for buying your own house, not trying to hijack your independence and home. NTA
    via MadamePerry
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    JoKing917 Don't be silly he won't have a sofa, the house will be full of his parents furniture. And I'm sure they will take the master bedroom, there's two of them so they need it more! /s
    via JoKing917
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    Folven1a Exactly! Once that parent/child dynamic kicks in, it's nearly impossible to shift it back. They'll likely feel entitled to make decisions about your space, routines, and life. OP needs to stick to his boundaries now before it gets more complicated. Offering to help them find a better living arrangement is already generous. He deserve to enjoy the independence he worked so hard for.
    via Folven1a
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    jerzey4life Nta you have every right to have your own space. Because let me tell you once you start helping them their entitlement will reach new highs. Just you watch. Seen it time and time again. Stand your ground. Keep healthy boundaries and remember they did their job as parent and it's not for a pay day at the end. They made those choices. And they need to be okay with them.
    via jerzey4life
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    Low_Bumblebee6441 The payoff for being a parent is to watch your kid spread their wings and fly off. Living a successful and independent life is the best thing to watch your kid do.
    via Low_Bumblebee6441
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    Laquila Your parents are being ridiculous and selfish. When you choose to have kids, you raise them, and then you set them free, to create their own independent lives and relationships of their own, and perhaps kids of their own. Just like your parents did. Just like I did. Read between the lines. If they moved in, they're in for life. You are their retirement plan and free elder care, they're not going anywhere. Good luck in finding a significant other who would put up with that! They'd basical
    via Laquila
  • 14
    RevolutionaryCow7961 NTA. Apparently they were just waiting for you to be able to support them. Nope. How do you downsize an apartment, if it's too big they should have moved long ago. You would regret letting them move in. I was always a firm no.
    via RevolutionaryCow7961
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    jayc831 They are downsizing from the financial burden and responsibility of the home. They will move in, take over the house, and let OP pay all the bills.
    via jayc831
  • 16
    TheEvilestEvan NTA they did what they were supposed to do. You owe nothing.
    via TheEvilestEvan
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    PaigeHarperr Your desire for independence and personal space is valid, and you shouldn't feel obligated to give that up, even for your parents.
    via PaigeHarperr
  • 18
    zyzmog It's interesting that OP offered to help his parents in other $ignificant ways, but they Want That House. There's more going on behind the scenes here that we cannot see, but the bottom line is that OP is def not an AH. ΝΤΑ
    via zyzmog
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    Active-Worker-3845 I'm 74. Stand your ground. If they move in, they will further encroach on your life. I don't understand how parents do and say these things. And other family chiming in. Good grief. And if you wish to marry, s/he would be in a difficult situation. Best of luck. Congratulations on the house. Sounds like an amazing first house, especially given the RE market.
    via Active-Worker-3845
  • 20
    JanetInSpain NTA they chose to birth you and it was literally their job to feed, house, and clothe you in addition to raising you to adulthood. No adult child "owes" their parents. The whole point of parenthood is to raise independent, capable, successful adults with their own lives. Wanting your own life and the privacy and reward of your own home is NOT selfish. Do not let anyone guilt you into changing your mind.
    via JanetInSpain
  • 21
    AubergineForestGreen If you move them in there was no point of you buying your own place. You could have just stayed in the family home. Your parents don't want you to have a life outside of their control. Move, don't tell them where you live till they start behaving right
    via AubergineForestGreen
  • 22
    Pacific_Red Your kitchen will be your mom's kitchen. Your living room will be your dad's living room. Your TV will be their tv. Your schedule will be theirs to critique. Your design choices will become your mom's to approve. You will be stressed, anxious, and second-tier. In your own house. Now. That being said. I look forward to the day I can offer housing to my aging parents... in their late 70s and 80s. I'll have a bigger house, more space, and they'll likely need support. It'll be my choice.
    via Pacific_Red
  • 23
    United-Manner20 NTA- they chose to have you, they did their job for 18 years. If you let them in, they will never move out and you will be paying to be treated like a child again.
    via United-Manner20
  • 24
    Nanabanafofana NTA. Oh, boy! Here comes the guilt tripping and manipulation. I have the feeling that this is not new to you. None of those reasons are a benefit to you. Let them continue their current lifestyle. It's time for you to declare your independence. Give them an inch and they will take a mile is a truism for a reason.
    via Nanabanafofana
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    enkilekee I am super uncomfortable with parents who believe their children owe them anything other than respect (earned). You did not ask to be born. They have a moral obligation to you, not the other way around. Ask them if they always planned on you being their retirement fund and why did they tell from an early age? Urg, some people.
    via enkilekee

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