Mom confronts dad of teenage daughter's boyfriend for breaking up with her daughter 'the wrong way,' dad says her daughter 'isn't special': 'You really need to work on your empathy'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 24, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Teenage breakups are some of the worst breakups one can experience. At that age, you feel everything in such technicolor, that the lows can be especially low. You're still figuring out who you are and how to handle your emotions, and you're still getting a handle on your self-esteem. Any blow to your sense of confidence at that age can be hard to get over. Breakups in high school are also likely the first breakups you might experience, so you have no way of knowing for sure that you will indeed survive. 

However, like with everything teenager-related, things can get more complicated when there's parental interference.Parents have a way of both underestimating and overestimating how much their kids' emotions matter. That's what happened in this situation when one mom was overestimating, and one dad was overestimating. Read on for the details and see what you think about the situation. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10445080320
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling a mom that I don't care about her daughter being dumped by my son?
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049
  • 03
    My son Dylan dated "Melanie" since the 10th grade. They are now juniors. Dylan dumped her last week and Melanie took it hard. I got a text yesterday from Melanie's mom to call her. She wanted me to bring back Melanie's sweater that she left at our house a couple of weeks ago. I said sure.
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049

    This parent couldn't quite anticipate what they were getting into. 

  • 04
    I told her she could pick it up. The mom came and said that I should talk to Dylan about how much he hurt Melanie. Melanie was very attached to my son and my son broke up with her in the "wrong way."
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049
  • 05
    I told her I wasn't talking to my son about anything. They're high schoolers and stuff like this happens all the time and Melanie isn't special. My son doesn't owe you or Melanie an apology for not wanting to date her anymore.
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049
  • 06
    Dylan wasn't mean about it. He just said that he didn't want to be in a relationship because he wanted to spend more time with his friends. The mom said that was bs. I said I don't care. He doesn't need a reason. It's none of your business.
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049

    But was this just a dismissal of Melanie's feelings? 

  • 07
    She asked me if I cared about how my son treated his girlfriends. I said do you care how your daughter treat their boyfriends? She said it was different. I told her I had nothing left to say except I don't care about her or her daughter. Edit: Not that it matters, but I'm not the mom.
    via u/Own-Celebration-1049
  • 08
    WillLoveCoffee4... • 7h ago. So NTA, but that woman is! If he mistreated her during the relationship, then that should be the issue, but this woman is saying your son mistreated her, BECAUSE he dumped her! This woman needs to talk to HER daughter and teach her she can't have everything
    via u/WillLoveCoffee4Ever1

    Some commenters were quick to take the mom's side. 

  • 09
    in life and there will be times where she will be hurt and disappointed and this is one of those times. Sounds like she spoils her daughter so much, that she'll do anything to appease her, even attempt to force a reconciliation. Your son made a choice for himself, and if Melanie and her mother don't like it, too bad.
    via u/WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
  • 10
    Cakeliesx • 7h ago • I'm gonna say NTA if I understand correctly. It sounds like the gf mom said that his reason (wishing to spend time with his friends) was bs. But if that is the reason he gave, then to me it sounds like he was kind and you are right, he doesn't have to defend his reason.
    via u/Cakeliesx
  • 11
    Now if she was actually claiming that that the the bs was that he was intentionally cruel in some way, I'd give her a listen and get a fuller account and consider telling your son what she claimed and see how he reacted. Sometimes teenagers DO need to be reminded to be kind and treat people well.
    via u/Cakeliesx
  • 12
    But people have every right to breakup with their gf/bf's and at that age it's gonna happen. And from what you have said, it sounds like the gf and her mom need to learn that lesson.
    via u/Cakeliesx
  • 13
    curiousr_nd_curi... • 7h ago I'm torn between E SH and NAH Every parent does it differently, and as soon as you start offering unsolicited advice or criticisms you wander into AH territory, like
    via u/curiousr_nd_curiousr

    While others were torn, finding it hard to criticize someone's parenting choices. 

  • 14
    Melanie's mom seems to have in your eyes. You can't blame her for wanting the best for her daughter, just like you want for your son. Doesn't give her the right to tell you how to raise your kid.
    via u/curiousr_nd_curiousr
  • 15
    That being said Teenagers can be cruel, and not completely honest with their parents. You don't necessarily know the whole. story, your son might have omitted details to you, or it's possible Melanie exaggerated details with her mom out of hurt, or even vis versa. You're both acting off the info you have.
    via u/curiousr_nd_curiousr
  • 16
    If you do happen to know that Dylan wasn't a great boyfriend, or that he didn't exactly treat her well in how he handled the breakup, it wouldn't necessarily be wrong to kindly talk to him about it. It might be an annoyance for him now, but his future relationships might benefit.
    via u/curiousr_nd_curiousr
  • 17
    asoneloves • 7h ago I mean, you're NTA for high schoolers breaking up, whatever. But, you're a total a h le for how you spoke to another parent, the parent of a girl your son was dating. You just seem like you're an ahle in general from this honestly.
    via u/asoneloves

    And some commenters took issue with the tone that seemed to be lurking behind the story. 

  • 18
    SingleAlfredoFe... 5h ago. You really need to work on your empathy in general, and choosing your words. You seriously said your son "dumped" his girlfriend? That's harsh. And you told a woman her daughter "isn't
    via u/SingleAlfredoFemale
  • 19
    special?" I mean, do you actually think before you speak, or do you just let mean things come out of your mouth as soon as they pop in your head? Other people have feelings. If your son learned this from you, then I can totally see him being very ride in the breakup. There's a difference
    via u/SingleAlfredoFemale
  • 20
    between, "I miss seeing my friends, and I don't want to be in a romantic relationship right now," and "I'm wasting all my time doing stupid stuff with you, and I never see my friends. I'm dumping you." Words matter.
    via u/SingleAlfredoFemale
  • 21
    _s1m0n_s3z • 7h ago. I can't imagine that dating Melanie was very peaceful, with that helicopter whirling away overhead.
    via u/_s1m0n_s3z
  • 22
    happymom-2 • 6h ago You don't owe the mom anything but I would be curious about how he hurt the gf. If mom is calling BS, I might have been tempted to hear a little more. Your son has every right to call it off, not arguing that. But when
    via u/happymom-2
  • 23
    our kids are very young we check in and make sure they are kind to their friends. As they get older, still good to confirm they're being kind in their friendships/relationships and also that others are kind to them. If all he did was end it, directly, clearly and her feelings are hurt... well that's
    via u/happymom-2
  • 24
    clearly pain of ending a relationship. But if he did something malicious and or purposefully cruel, as a teenage boy mom, I want to know. No free passes to mistreat people.
    via u/happymom-2
  • 25
    Maybe a confrontation at the front door over a sweater is not a good time; she probably could have called or articulated the details of said "malicious hurt" before suggesting you talk to him. And she should have responded "yes she cares how her daughter treats her boyfriends". Because she absolutely should.
    via u/happymom-2
  • 26
    Elliskarae 7h ago • • . I feel like something just doesn't add up. The other mom is in protective mode (and yeah, being a bit of an AH telling you what to do) because her daughter has probably come home crying her eyes out and showed her certain texts or things about how it happened. For
    via u/Elliskarae
  • 27
    whatever reason, the mom is convinced that your son was out of line in his behaviour. That should at least spark a curiosity to where you chat to him and inquire more. Your indifference to the feelings and behaviour of young impressionable teens and your lack of interest in helping them navigate
    via u/Elliskarae
  • 28
    emotional situations is kind of worrying. Telling someone's mom her daughter "isn't special" shows a lot about you imo. ESH. She may have been an a but you were a bigger one.
    via u/Elliskarae
  • 29
    • wannabyte 4h ago • Info did it occur to you to - ask more about how exactly he broke up with her that was the "wrong way"? Or did you just dismiss her out of hand as you state in the post? They dated for a year ish? That is a long time at that age. And you don't know her or care about her at all? You told her mom she's not special?
    via u/wannabyte

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teens aita kids teenagers moms parenting dad high school cute kids breakup reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS breakups
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