‘Time to start the eviction proceedings’: Entitled dad refuses to move out of son's home, despite son offering to buy him a place instead, forcing son to pose an inevitable ultimatum

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 26, 2024 10:00 AM EST

Loving someone is more than just showing affection, it is a commitment, which means that you are there for them through good and bad. That also means that sometimes the best way to show someone love is by setting boundaries and even putting them in their place when needed.

When you enable someone to act entitled and demanding, you are not doing them (or yourself) any favors. No matter who this person is – a partner, sibling, best friend, or parent, you have a responsibility not only to help them get better but also to be better, and the story down below presents the perfect example of the differences between the two.

The woman who wrote this story turned to Reddit to discuss her problematic father-in-law. After years of spending all of his life saving, FIL found himself with nothing in the bank and nowhere to live. His son and daughter-in-law (OP, original poster) took him into their home, hoping they could help him get better. However, instead of getting him back on his feet, they continued to enable his entitled behavior and did nothing to ensure his independence. This led to even more problems when they finally decided to ask him to leave…

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  • 01
    "If nothing is good enough, you get nothing"
    via irynakhabliuk
  • 02
    15 months of free rent and $300/mont apartment for live isn't enough
    via foxfirek
  • 03
    I think my FIL fits this sub really well. When I met him 20 years ago he was the richest person I had ever met. He had a huge Mc Mansion multiple acres 7 cars including a
    via foxfirek
  • 04
    Porsche, BMW, Mercedes, Jag etc. he spent money like water after he sold his business for over a million dollars. He spent and spent until there was nothing and kept spending.
    via foxfirek
  • 05
    Borrowing, telling people he was going to make them rich, then strait mooching. He now has basically nothing- hates his wife and lives on $3,500 a month of Social security- same as millions
    via foxfirek
  • 06
    of other seniors. But even so he thinks he is the smartest and deserves everything. His sister kicked him out after he was living with her rent free. He could have moved back with his wife- into the apartment he was
    via foxfirek
  • 07
    paying for but he refused. We were very reluctant but told him he could stay with us for 2 months- just till he found a place. He is a senior he could look for reduced price housing get on lists.... 5 months later I asked him
    via foxfirek
  • 08
    how many places he had applied to- none. He hadn't applied to any. His excuse was until recently still paying rent on the place for his wife, that was over so I told him again- you need to find a place- we will even give you 1k a month.
    via foxfirek
  • 09
    12 months rolls around- still has not applied for anything. I work I have a child I'm busy and he does nothing all day every day (he cleans up after himself and handles his own meals that's all).
    via foxfirek

  • Instead of helping him become a better version of himself, they showed him that he could simply mooch off of them for however long he wanted. Giving him money and a place to stay, without asking for anything in return might sound like a good deed, but it only made his entitlement worse.  

  • 10
    He never offers to even watch our child. He does nothing pays nothing. So I'm firmer this time. I lay it all out and tell him 3 more months or you are starting to pay $500 a month in rent. (Where I
    via foxfirek
  • 11
    live even just a room goes for $900). We show him apartments near his daughter that are only. $1,400 a month, utilities included- very affordable with our 1k help and his social security.
    via foxfirek
  • 12
    Well he continues to fail- maybe applied to places but even when he was rich he always let bills go late. He qualifies for a VA loan but can't actually get one so convinces my husband to co-sign. HA- we found out from his realtor
    via foxfirek
  • 13
    (A family member) he asked for places with high end appliances, land, 2k square feet, way over what he can afford. I ask him how he can afford them? I sit him down and run the numbers and these places are $2400 a month
    via foxfirek
  • 14
    and will cost $1,000 a month just to heat! He hadn't even run a single number. He was just going to either fail to pay and ruin my husbands credit or expect us to pay 2k a month so he can live in a nicer house then we have!
    via foxfirek
  • 15
    So I decide enough- there is a cute duplex in the area, fully renovated we will just buy it and rent it to him for $300 a month and he pays utilities (markets $1,300). The bottom floor is 700 square feet. We can rent the top so we can offset some of the cost.
    via foxfirek
  • 16
    Oh no. He is complaining there isn't a garage- there is off street parking right next to the door. And oh- the Google street view had some trash in the yard. We already did a drive by- it's a nice
    via foxfirek
  • 17
    Oh no. He is complaining there isn't a garage- there is off street parking right next to the door. And oh- the Google street view had some trash in the yard. We already did a drive by- it's a nice enough street. I would be happy to live there- but not fancy enough for Mr mooch.
    via foxfirek

  • While OP does not show signs of ending this vicious cycle of entitlement, the comments down below might have talked some sense into her. People were brutally honest about what they think should be done with Mr. mooch here, and hopefully, OP and her husband will take some of these suggestions to heart, starting with a firm eviction. 

  • 18
    No_Philosopher_1870 It's time to start eviction proceedings, He's been there long enough to have some sort of tenancy/squatters rights. If nothing that you offer him is good enough, then he gets nothing.
    via No_Philosopher_1870
  • 19
    thedjbigc Yeah, enough is enough.
    via thedjbigc
  • 20
    Pinkflow93 NTA. You gave him options, and he's too good for all of them. Give him an ultimatum, he can either move to the duplex, or he can move out of your house, and he's on his own.
    via Pinkflow93
  • 21
    foxfirek OP That's 100% where I am at. Even if he complains at this point I don't care. I will likely buy the duplex and hopefully never talk to him again.
    via foxfirek
  • 22
    MaintenanceFine206 Please, please don't co-sign. anything with him. Get everything in writing. Treat his rent like a business (you the landlord, him the tenant). He has shown who he is over and over again. If he asks why the formality, you can look him in the eyes and honestly say he's not trustworthy.
    via MaintenanceFine206
  • 23
    foxfirek OP Yeah I agree. Talked to my husband about it once I found out- even though he is on the pre-approval he can and will back out- I'm putting an end to that.
    via foxfirek
  • 24
    redSocialWKR Not to be a Debbie downer, but the amount he makes on social security is a large amount. I've worked in many housing/case management programs in my area, and unless you're in a very high cost of living area, he
    via redSocialWKR
  • 25
    wouldn't qualify for most assistance (including tax credit housing). He makes more than enough to live comfortably on what he gets. It is time for him to go.
    via redSocialWKR
  • 26
    foxfirek OP I live in pretty much the highest cost of living area (SF bay). But yeah- I gave up on him getting anything- he never applied anyway and I'm not willing to let him sit around on wait lists
    via foxfirek
  • 27
    anymore. At this point I'm gonna find something cheap that he may not like that's good enough and he can be grateful or can support himself.
    via foxfirek
  • 28
    Zoreb1 You gave him two months and he did nothing. That's when you should have given him 1 month's notice and kicked him out (though I wouldn't have let him inside in the first place after checking with his sister).
    via Zoreb1
  • 29
    foxfirek OP She wasn't really kicking him out for normal reasons. She offered to let him live with her- no limits. She has a tiny studio under her house that usually guests stay in.
    via foxfirek
  • 30
    It's probably 200 square feet- really small- but after he moved in she developed dera. It was swift and hard- so her kids needed to move in with her to care for her.
    via foxfirek
  • 31
    MaintenanceFine206 Please, please don't co-sign anything with him. Get everything in writing. Treat his rent like a business (you the landlord, him the tenant). He has shown who he is over and over again. If he asks why the formality, you can look him in the eyes and honestly say he's not trustworthy.
    via MaintenanceFine206

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