Woman stands ground against in-laws' demands to move closer to them but demeans husband with lower-paying job in the process: 'I make the money, I make the decisions'

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    A "I told them that I'm the one providing for this family as I make more money now. Now they said that I'm gloating and breaking up their family.”
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    r/AITAH u/Art_Vandelay_ • 1d AITAH for telling my husband's family that I make more money, therefore where we live is my decision?
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    Context: I'm an engineer and I make decent money for our family of 3. My husband works in a call centre and makes an average income. I cover the large bills, childcare expenses, home expenses l.e. food, items from wear and tear, clothing etc. I'm the person he relies on when he's short on cash or rent (I pay 60%, he covers 40%). Recently, we've moved
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    to another suburb that is over an hour from his family (mother and 2 older sisters), now I'm closer to my work. In the past, I would have to drive over an hour with my toddler in the car to work and daycare. I'm responsible for pick ups and drop offs (working full-time). It became super stressful with traffic and a screaming toddler. His family said I'm
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    selfish for taking their son/brother and grandchild away from them. We previously lived closer to them because they said they could help out with our toddler but that never happened because we lived 15 minutes from their home which was too far, we had to be within a 5km radius. I told them that I'm the one providing for this family as I make more money, now they said I'm gloating and breaking up their family. AITA? ها 4,522 1,067
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    Mouse589 1d • Drop the rope. They can't have a tug of war with you if you're not holding up one end. They said a lot of things, and followed through on little to none promises, so your family moved to make things to accommodate your needs based on the realities of your position. I wouldn't have told them in a 'I make the money so what I said goes' but rather 'this is what works for our family's daily lives' and nothing
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    more. There is no argument to that. They say 'but we'll babysit if you're closer' (even though they never do) 'thanks, but this works for our family's daily lives' 'but you're too far away' 'Unfortunately, this is what works for our daily family life' and so on. Flying monkeys swoop in "grandparents needs/ wants/rights" "yeah, it's disappointing, but this is what meets our families daily needs" ad nauseum. It won't last long. If they can't be bothered visiting when 15mins away, you're definitely
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    SomeGuyInTheUK ⚫ 1d Agree, unfortunately OP missed a chance to say "we are moving because it's best for our family and because you went back on your agreement to help with babysitting", not "because I earn the most" That would have put her in a much better light, made them look bad, and maybe her husband (where's he in all this) can make this point to them if it's raised again and if he has some bills to say it. 232
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    Beautiful-Paper2029 21h As soon as you call them out for not doing what they said they would do... you have engaged the crazy monkeys at the circus. Stick with the line 'This is best for our family! and leave it at that.
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    I get it about wanting to show that you are the lead wage earner - but in the long run that just puts fuel on the fire. If you want to keep arguing, then keep doing what you are doing. If you want peace of mind for you and your family, drop the rope!! Good luck OP!! 138
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    LuckyTrashFox • 21h Where IS husband in all this? He should be the one dealing with them. He should tell them straight up that op is the one driving to daycare before work. Really pronounce the word "daycare", as in, yall arent helping us like you said you would anyway so we've gotta do what we've gotta do for our kids and income. 56
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    Sick_Of_Facebook75. 1d Your child comes first, and 2 hours in the car every day when it isn't necessary isn't good for your child. Nope. NTA. I love how people accuse others of being selfish when they put themselves in front of the needs of a small child. ← Reply Ŵ 1k
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    Both-Buffalo9490 • 1d Somehow I get the impression, he does nothing to mediate his family drama. ← Reply 516
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    skidoo8367 • 1d ESH. "We are going to do what is best for our family" is the proper response. Your husband gets as much say as you do regardless of income, a marriage is a partnership. That is where you are the ahle. Reply 69
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    Try Again12345. 1d NTA for the move, but TA for saying it's your decision because you make more. Flip the genders and see if the comments are the same... Reply 279
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    OkeyDokey654 • 1d Yes, this. All you needed to say was "this was the best choice for our family." ... 156
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    YeahlDid 1d • Exactly. I can't believe there are people in these comments defending that remark. G 69 ↓
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    manonfireanon • 1d Esh. Moving made sense for you and there is nothing wrong with doing that. But the way you talk about how you provide for your family shows a serious attitude that is really not cool. If it is 60/40 then it is a bit weird for you to be saying that you are the one who provides for the family. You are clearly a team and you seem to have a superiority complex. 74 Reply
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    i_need_a_username201 • 19h . Thank you, that's so emasculating for no apparent reason at all. ← & û 5 ♡
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    Nervous_Security_714. 1d You are NTA for moving, but definitely for the comment on wages. My husband and I are also engineers. Early in our marriage, he made alot more. He never mentioned the difference. We just viewed it as what we make together. Funny thing, the who makes more has switched a few times. Not keeping a tally is much better for your marriage. So is presenting a united front on big decisions, such as where you live. It's worked for us for 37 years and counting. ← Reply 163
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    ParisianFrawnchFry • 23h I don't know why you have to demean your husband in order to make a point? Stop engaging in weird control dynamics and stop being an AH to your husband. Reply 11
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    timscarey • 1d "I'm the person he relies on when he's short on cash or rent" This just feels like such a weird thing to say about your husband. I don't think the descision to move makes you an AH, but it also seems like there is some resentment about him not making enough money. Reply 31
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    Tootabenny • 17h YTA. You should never mention making more money. Sounds really brutal. Even if you were making minimum wage, it makes sense to want to live as close as possible to work ← Reply ↑ 8 ↓ 3

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