Woman learns her father derails boyfriend’s plan to propose, but couple provide excellent example of communication skills to get their future back on track: ‘I’ll continue supporting my boyfriend

Advertisement
  • "I will have a conversation with my father and set some expectations and boundaries" 1 #
  • So, over the past two months my boyfriend was acting weird and a little sneaky. Around 1 month after, I accidentally found out that my boyfriend had contacted my two best friends to help plan a proposal and
  • already bought a ring. I also found out that he took my mom out for lunch to discuss this with her. My sister also slipped a little and made it more obvious. I knew it was supposed to happen this February but did not know the date.
  • Cheezburger Image 10452725248
  • I already know that I did too much detective work and should not have found this out, and this is completely my fault. So last week my friend randomly texts me that she saw my boyfriend at a coffee shop, and he did not recognize her, and she was saying
  • it as a joke, but she casually mentioned that he was with my dad (she does not know the dynamic of the relationship and that they had not met before). I have always mentioned that I would love to have my parents blessing before a proposal etc, and I know many don't agree but it is still common in the South and especially in my family and this is also my personal preference.
  • The same day, I called my boyfriend just for a chat and he sounded a little off, so I asked if he's okay and how his is day going but did not reveal that I knew he met my dad. He said that "It could be better" and said work was a little overwhelming and he needs to
  • work harder to get into a better position at work as his job is not very stable etc, and he said that would make it easier if at some point this year, I introduce myself to your dad it would be better etc. Again, he did not know I already knew. He also said that if he was a dad he would want his daughter to be stable and with someone worthy etc.
  • I did not know what to say but 1 am heartbroken. Does this mean the meeting didn't go well? I guessed he did not get my father's blessing, and now I don't know how to feel. 1. I was excited for something that is most
  • likely not going to happen soon anymore (which is my fault). 2. I do not like that this happened, and I cannot discuss it with him or make him feel better. What is the best way to address this?
  • CONTEXT: I come from a well-off family, very educated etc. My boyfriend comes from a poor family, but he is kind, caring, hardworking, reliable and so so loving.
  • TO ADDRESS THE COMMENTS TALKING ABOUT ME NOT INTRODUCING THEM: My boyfriend has met my mother and all my siblings, they have known him for the past two
  • years and love him. My father knew about him, I have talked about him and my father does not live with us. It was never a secret relationship.
  • UPDATE: First of all, I want to say thank you to all those who commented to help out or to provide advice/constructive criticism. It is very easy to make assumptions about people's lives, so thank you for not
  • doing that. After reading through your comments I decided to address this issue with my boyfriend as it would be best for our relationship moving forward. I was very honest and told him that I was very suspicious, and people slipped so I knew that he was planning
  • something and meeting with my family. I thanked him for that and for all the thought and effort he put, and I made it clear I do not know exactly what he planned but I appreciate it. I also told him that after our
  • conversation about my father, I was worried about him and what he believed he needed to be for this to work. Apparently, I was overthinking it. So here is what I found out:
  • 1. My boyfriend said that I made it clear that I would like my father's blessing and not necessarily permission.
  • 2. My father did not say no, and did not say yes. The conversation steered away from me and more into the financial aspects of life, and responsibility, implying that he has a lot of work to do and a lot of things to achieve to be able
  • to lead a stable life. My boyfriend took that as constructive criticism and did not wait for him to say yes about the proposal. As someone mentioned in the comments he said, these are all things we can work on overtime, together.
  • 3. My boyfriend did see my friend at the coffee shop, and already had a feeling I knew but did not think I would overthink it this much. He said he did not mind because the surprise is more about how he will be proposing and not that he will be. At this point I think he was more excited than I am.
  • Now, what I learned from this is that I need to work on my decision-making skills and communication skills. I decided to overthink things, and to worry about minor things in comparison to how important my
  • relationship is to me. I think what I will do for now is continue supporting my boyfriend and reminding him that he is capable. As for my father, I will have a conversation with him once I get the chance. I think it would be healthy to discuss this with him and set some expectations and boundaries.
  • Cheezburger Image 10452726016
  • Taylor5 It sounds like he gave your bf the whole "not good enough to marry my daughter" line. That's pressure and stress on a relationship you dont want or need, it builds resentment
  • You need to damage control by going to your mother and sister, get their advice and you need to confront your dad about what the he was thinking. f
  • icerio I would speak with your father probably. Sounds like he made your BF feel like a loser and not "worthy" enough to marry you. I feel like your father possibly has more of an answer.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article