Man expects wife to act as personal secretary and social liaison with family, refuses to answer texts, she retaliates by scheduling 2 dinners on the same day: "This shouldn't be my responsibility"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 28, 2025 4:00 PM EST

I am really, really bad at answering texts and making plans — especially social ones. I am a massive introvert, and while I do enjoy spending time with my friends, I find that I need a lot of time to recharge my social battery. Because work also tends to drain me of energy, it can be difficult for me to gauge whether or not I will be up for some social event a week in advance. Surprisingly, I do much better with last-minute invites; I guess I'm a bit impulsive, too. Despite my incompetence at managing my social calendar, I would never expect anyone else to take control of it — least of all, my extroverted partner.

In our story today, a busy business man expects his wife to act as his personal secretary with his own family. Instead of answering texts and invites from his own mother and father, he directs them to her. Fed up with having to manage his life, she schedules two dinners on the same evening and refuses to fix it for him. Get all the juicy deets by scrolling down.

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  • 01

    AITA accepting an invitation on my husband's behalf knew he wouldn't like and refusing cancel ?

    2 Tuesday "I'm tired of being the one to have to say no to everything and having to deal with people trying to convince me to come to things when I know they only really care about my husband attending." 25 26 19 20 13
    via Kim Tatiana

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband is a busy person but he's not such a busy person that he can't manage invitations from his family and friends if he wanted to. His family and friends act like I'm responsible for his social
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 03
    calendar, which I didn't mind at first because I didn't have anything better to do but I'm tired of being the one to have to say no to everything and it s ks having to deal with people trying to convince me to come to things when I know they only really care about my husband attending.
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 04
    I've tried to get them to go to him directly but he just sends them back my way or ignores them so they come to me anyway. I've spoken to him multiple times about not wanting to be responsible for 'our' social calendar and he acts like he gets it but then never responds to invites so nothing's changed.
    via u/blue_petals568

  • It takes the same amount of effort to accept or decline an invitation as it does to forward it to your life to do it for you…

  • 05
    2 3 TUE 28 4 31 WED THU FRI 29 30 10 5 7 8 9 10 11 12 4 15 16 17 18 19 3 30 * 1348 --885 24 25 22
    via Kwangmoozaa

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    So I've done something that you guys may or may not think is petty. My mother-in-law has asked for us to join monthly family dinners with her side of the family. I prefer her side of my husband's family but
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 07
    my husband is closer to his dad's side so we see them more. Usually, I wouldn't accept an invite like this without checking with my husband but since she asked him first and he ignored her I decided to accept on his behalf.
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 08
    The first dinner is on Sunday which is the day we were also supposed to have dinner with his grandfather on his dad's side but he never told me that was happening and neither did anyone else (his dad's side have a horrible habit of just assuming
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10460560640
    via AleksandarNakic

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    we'll be at something because they've told us). Part of me thinks the dinner with his grandfather is a lie because I know he's been avoiding his half-brother like the plague since he keeps asking him for an investment and his stepsiblings will be there.
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 11
    My husband told me to cancel but I don't want to because my mother-in-law was so happy when I said yes. Also, his sister will be there and I haven't seen her in forever. I won't stop him from cancelling if he really wants to but he's turned this situation
    via u/blue_petals568
  • 12
    into a fight because I didn't ask him first and now I don't want to be the one to cancel. He's basically said if we go to the first one he expects me to tell my mother-in-law this won't be a regular thing but I think he should be the one to do that since I have no problem having dinner with them regularly.
    via u/blue_petals568

  • Why can't he communicate any of this to his own mother? I hope our protagonist just lets the chaos unfold instead of attempting to fix the two dinners situation.

  • 13
    UteLawyer NTA. Apparently your husband has delegated to you the task of being his Calendar Secretary. He implicitly sent his mother to you when he didn't respond to his mother. If he doesn't like how you are handling your duties as his Calendar Secretary, he is free to demote you and reassign those responsibilities.
    via u/UteLawyer
  • 14
    Knittin_Kitten71 Yeah if he's grown up enough to be annoyed that you're minding his calendar, he's old enough to mind it himself. I hope you get to enjoy a few weeks of dinner with his mom and sister before he gets it, since it sounds like y'all are on good terms
    via u/Knittin_Kitten71
  • 15
    einahpets77 Also OP could just continue going to the dinners even if hubby stays home. See how the family feels about it, but I know both my parents and in-laws would happily accept the spouse even without their child.
    via u/einahpets77
  • 16
    Junpeilori91 Not only this, but who is so busy, they can't reply to their mom? On a break, send a, "Sorry mom, I'll text you on my lunch, but I'm off at 5pm. I'll call you then?"
    via u/Junpeilori91
  • 17
    Seems hubby can't handle a calendar, and if he's "as busy at work" as he talks, I'll bet he's behind quite a bit at work. NTA.
    via u/Junpeilori91
  • 18
    superthotty At this point, I'd just respond "if he hasn't. answered you by now he's probably ignoring you, take it up with him. I would love to join but ask for him yourself."
    via u/superthotty
  • 19
    NTA • • • Hello_JustSayin Was it petty? Yes. Was it understandable? Also yes. Are you an AH? Absolutely not.
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 20
    I don't generally agree with being petty with your partner/spouse, but in this case I can see why you did. You made it clear to his family to ask him, which his mom did and was ignored, and you have talked to him repeatedly about not wanting to manage the social calendar with HIS family - you should not have to be a "go between".
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 21
    I was in your position for years with my husband's family. It was an "old school" thing where it was the women who managed all the events, invites, passing along of information, etc. At first, I went along with it so I didn't rock the boat. But, over time, I really
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 22
    started to resent it - my husband and I both have demanding careers, yet I was expected to take on the mental load of all the planning/communication with his family (...and my family...and our friends). If it was a few things here and there I wouldn't be as bothered, but it was frequent.
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 23
    Luckily, my husband understood and, eventually, his family got it. Now, his family will direct things to both of us (which I am totally cool with). There are times when they will ask him alone, or me alone, but that is because it happens organically (e.g., if I am. on the phone with my MIL and she tells me something that I know to pass on to my husband).
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 24
    dragonwillow75 Yeah like, if hubby wants her to be in charge of events? Then she's gonna be in charge of events. This is just me, but to drive it home, id start going without him. Especially with his friends. "Oh I told DH that we were coming, but I guess he didn't want to go. He was still doing X while I was getting ready."
    via u/dragonwillow75
  • 25
    Hello_JustSayin I am with you. I would have no problem going to visit my in-laws or friends without my husband if he acted like OP's husband. For what it is worth, I do visit family/friends without him anyway and I would certainly do it to prove a point.
    via u/Hello_JustSayin
  • 26
    PettyLabelleOtheBall Your husband doesn't get to have it both ways. If he won't put on his big boy pants and manage his own schedule, he doesn't get to be upset that you arrange playdates with kids he doesn't like that much. Next time he complains, remind him that you are not his mother, and he is welcome to handle his own affairs. NTA.
    via u/PettyLabelleOtheBall
  • 27
    SummitJunkie7 Since you hate managing your husband's social calendar, stop doing it. They come to you, or he sends them back to you? Speak for yourself only. "I'll be there, but you'll have to ask (husband) about his plans" You could advise them that if they don't hear back from him they should consider that a no.
    via u/SummitJunkie7
  • 28
    And this dinner with your in-laws - your husband has not committed to going. You might be going by yourself. Hope that works for you.
    via u/SummitJunkie7

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family drama marriage toxic secretary Female Empowerment wife reddit story petty revenge married life relationships husband couples love entitled reddit thread red flag Reddit
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