Mom berates aunt for letting her 28-year-old niece spend the weekend with because she was extremely stressed and depressed in college: 'She didn’t want to tell her mom she was at our house and asked us not to either'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 21, 2025 8:00 PM EST

College isn't always easy and fun for everyone. I didn't go home during my entire freshman year of college because I was having too much darn fun, but I know that's the exception rather than the rule. If a college student goes home to visit family once a month, I'd say that's pretty standard. However, if a student who lives in dorms drives to their parent's house every Friday, stays the weekend, and leaves on Sunday, that's at least cause for concern. I understand being close with your family, but happy students don't want to spend 33% of their weeks away from school. They want to be on campus as much as possible. 

Even if you're generally having a good time in college, sometimes you reach a breaking point. I definitely did; when I was 5 months into an Accutane prescription sophomore year, I was more depressed than I'd ever been, and my skin was peeling off.

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  • The college student in this story reached her breaking point, and her aunt and uncle extended a helping hand by letting her stay with them for the weekend to recover. When her mother found out about this visit, she was livid, despite her daughter being an adult of 10 years. 

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    via ☀️Shine_ Photos

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    AITA for not telling my sister in law that her adult daughter was with me?

    My 28 y/o niece (on my husbands side) was away at college and struggling one day... called me sad, crying, and desperate. Her Mom and Stepdad were in Europe traveling. She was lonely and depressed. I told her she was welcome to come visit for the weekend and she was so happy to do so. I bought her a plane
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    ticket and we picked her up from the airport. She was under pressure from her parents and school and we just lent her a pressure free environment, drank wine, and listened. We assessed that she was okay and there was no reason for concern. She didn't want to tell her mom she was at our house and asked us not to either. We agreed and said it's
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    her story to tell.... but we also won't lie if asked. She is also 28 going to college out of state (as are my own kids and I go week(s) at a time without hearing from them).
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    Her mom didn't hear from her in a day or two so she went on to call all of her friends to find out where she was...got wind she was at our house and went OFF on us. Scathing barrage of text messages, berating voice messages. Made us to be villains. I didn't want to deal with it so I ended up ignoring her.
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    via A. Calvar (Unsplash+)

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    Was I wrong for not calling her mom and secretly telling her mom she was at my house? AITA?
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    DinaFelice "SIL, your daughter is an adult. I have no obligation to randomly reach out to her mother just because she's come for a visit any more than I have an obligation to reach out to your mother any time I've seen you in person. On top of that, it's extremely strange and disconcerting that you would send me a barrage of nasty messages just because you think I owed you a phone call... That's not an appropriate reaction when having a minor disagreement with someone. That suggests to me that y
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    NTA. Just because SIL is having a reaction, that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Her actions were completely AH-ish even if you had failed to call her when you should have. But unless there is a known safety issue, it is utterly ridiculous to think you constantly need to update another adult's parents just because the adult child is having a bad week or decided to take a quick trip out of town. And ultimately, your SIL is playing with fire... This kind of infantilizing treatment is likely t
    via u/sunny_dayz1547
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    HoldFastO2 That is an excellent reply, yes. SIL seems to have a very strange relationship with her daughter, and I wonder if that's the reason a 28yo calls her aunt crying because she's home alone.
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    SophisticatedScreams This exactly. The 28yo seems pretty emotionally linked to her parents in a way that seems unhealthy. I'm thinking along the lines of emotional enmeshment. Sis's reaction also seems enmeshed.
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    Cardabella She's not necessarily lonely because her parents are away. She might be struggling with local friendships as happens to most of us from time to time. And struggling separately with parents up in her business all the time. If her parents regularly contact all her social media connections to find out why she hasn't been in touch for half a minute, it would be no wonder she is struggling to maintain normal adult friendships
    via u/Cardabella
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    III TemperedOld Woman NTA, your SIL is being controlling and ridiculous. Her lashing out at you about her 28 year old daughter visiting you, should give you a glimpse of what your niece endures from her mother.
    via u/IIITemperedOldWoman
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    Neat-Ostrich7135 No surprise the niece is feeling stressed. I bet they insist she has phone tracking enabled.
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    LittleLily78 NTA. I think it's odd that her parents wouldn't be appreciative that she has people to turn to when she is having a tough time. She went to family. That's pretty amazing. Let him be mad all they want. And also let her know that she is welcome any time. How great for her to have adults she can trust and wants to turn to in hard times. Well done Auntie!
    via u/LittleLily78
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    aequorea-victoria NTA. It IS surprising that your SIL was angry instead of appreciative. I wonder if she feels guilty or threatened? Maybe the fact that her daughter chose a different confidante messes with her personal narrative. She's a good mother goshdarnit, so if her daughter is looking to others for help, it must mean those others are...luring her away? Hiding her! Whatever, you have to be the villain, because otherwise she would have to admit that there's a reason her daughter looks elsew
    via u/aequorea-victoria
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    smallishbear-duck "How dare you not tell me my daughter was with you!” Ma'am, YOUR DAUGHTER IS ALMOST THIRTY. ΝΤΑ
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    Leavelnteresting3290 She's 28 not 8 not even 18
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    GearsOfWar2333 Right? Like an 18 or 19 year old I could somewhat understand stand especially if it's their first time away from home but she's 28.
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    tarotreebb Unless there's some bad blod between you and the SIL, I don't see the issue. NTA. You helped a niece who needed a break from the stresses of life, it's a bit weird that a 28 y/o would need her mother's permission to visit family for a couple of days.
    via u/tarotreebb
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    shy2shot Even if there is bad bld between her and the SIL, why would that be an issue? The situation revolved around the niece needing support and OP provided it. The niece is a legal adult. SIL needs to cool it.
    via u/shy2shot
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    Peskanov Going through the same exact situation with an 18 niece except she was abroad internationally w/family. Me and another Aunt have become her safe space. Like you her parents are pred at us but they're constantly having issues with niece so we decided to be her judgement free soft landing spot. Maybe the parents will turn the corner but be there for your niece the way I am for mine. Everyone needs to feel like they have someone in their corner or else dangerous thoughts may creep in and u
    via u/Peskanov
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    WhereWeretheAdults I will answer your original question with definitely NTA. Then I will point out this, "We assessed that she was okay and there was no reason for concern." I counter with this niece had to come to you over pressure from her parents and this 28 yo niece begged you not to tell her parents and this "got wind she was at our house and went OFF on us." I will ask you one question, when are you going to get concerned?
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    PermissionKitchen583 Pretty sure she meant 'there was no concern she might harm herself or others'.
    via u/PermissionKitchen583

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family drama university niece parenting sister in law aunt uncle weekend family parent mom Parenting Fail college college student parents Parenting FAILS
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