Daughter-in-law stands up to husband's family when they confront her for refusing to take his surname, internet zeros in on husband's lack of support: "You have a husband problem"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 26, 2025 7:00 PM EST

A girl I knew in high school recently got married. I know from the photos she uploaded to the internet, but I also noticed that she changed her Instagram handle. It used to be her last name, a period, and her first name. Now, it's her husband's last name, a period, and her first name. I imagine her friends that regularly send her funny reels are having a bit of trouble with the adjustment. While a woman taking her husband's surname is certainly the norm in the West, it is a tradition that society is slowly moving away from. 

There are plenty of practical reasons to not want to change your surname after marriage. Our protagonist in today's story mentions several, very reasonable points. However, they seem to go through one ear and out the other when it comes to her opinionated father-in-law. Maybe he would have listened if her husband had backed her up during the face-off with her in-laws. Scroll down for the full story and the internet's verdict on this juicy case. 

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  • 01

    AITA for not taking my FILs last name after getting married?

    Mr. Mrs. were "None of these reasons good enough for him."
    via ozgurcankaya

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Hi all. I got married to my husband 1 year ago and I am still wondering if I'm an AH... Before we got married my husband and I talked and agreed that I could keep my current last name. If never occurred to me that I should tell anyone of our decision to not change my last name.
    via u/pianohog
  • 03
    At our wedding the pastor announced us as Mr John and Mrs Jane (fake names for anonymity). No last name was announced. But I guess I did mention to my new SIL that I was keeping my name.... I'm not sure if she told my in laws intentionally to cause conflict or if she actually didn't realize I hadn't told them.
    via u/pianohog
  • 04
    Anyways, once we got back from our honeymoon and finished moving into our new house my husbands parents invited us over. What I thought was going to be a nice first visit as husband and wife quickly turned into a fight. My FIL said he had
    via u/pianohog
  • 05
    to have a serious conversation with me, and he began talking about how great and wonderful his last name is and how people will automatically respect me in his community just because I would have the same name as him. I calmly as I could (I was so upset at this point I could hardly talk) told him my reasons for not wanting to change my name.
    via u/pianohog
  • 06
    1) it's complicated and expensive to change id's and such 2) my current last name is unique, I've never met another person outside of family with it 3) my home business and degree were established under my current name.
    via u/pianohog

  • All incredibly sound reasons to not want to change your name. Already having a business is big, and it would be such a pain to have to go through the bureaucracy. 

  • 07
    GO
    via aldomurillo

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    None of these reasons were good enough for him. He replied well other DIL changed her name and she has the same degree as you and then MIL said it didn't cost her any money to change her name (but that was 40 yrs ago things change). I said I don't
    via u/pianohog
  • 09
    feel that I further need to justify my decision to you since you're not listening or understanding my perspective. Now, FIL says I am insulting him by rejecting his name and all his friends are going to suspect something is wrong and that I am making a mistake and that no one will respect me.
    via u/pianohog
  • 10
    I am full on crying as this point and all I could I do was stand and say I am going home. As we are walking out FIL stands up and throws his hands up in a surrendering gesture saying I'm just trying to have a conversation.
    via u/pianohog
  • 11
    I think I could be the AH for 2 reasons here 1) for not publicly announcing my intentions to keep my maiden name and 2) for walking out mid conversation with my new inlaws?
    via u/pianohog
  • 12
    Fun_Effective6846 NTA. At all. It's your name, no one gets to tell you what it should or shouldn't be. I'd say if anyone is disrespecting other people's names, it's your FIL for not thinking
    via u/Fun_Effective6846
  • 13
    your name is as good as his. The fact that he was so r de in his expression of his opinion only further proves you are NTA for walking out and avoiding any more conflict, as most people would have done much worse.
    via u/Fun_Effective6846
  • 14
    pianohog Thank you for your thoughts. I never considered that he was disrespecting my name... But makes sense!
    via u/pianohog
  • 15
    Mr & Mrs
    via arismart

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    LMShep NTA But wait, where was your husband in all this? He needs to step in and establish a boundary here.
    via u/LMShep
  • 17
    pianohog OP He was right beside me. He was quiet until we left, but I was too upset to talk to him after we left
    via u/pianohog
  • 18
    Friendly_Fall_ At least you won't have to change your name back if it doesn't work out with the spineless coward
    via u/Friendly_Fall_
  • 19
    Hot-River-5951 It was your husbands job to handle this. he failed.
    via u/Hot-River-5951

  • Her husband's voice and support in this situation was essential. FIL might have actually paid attention if his son was backing her up. He was either too much of a coward to stand up against is dad, or he secretly agreed with him.

  • 20
    Mmm_lemon_cakes Yes. A brand new marriage, and her husband failed the very first test.
    via u/Mmm_lemon_cakes
  • 21
    NTA. old_motters This isn't the 1950's. You're not chattel. You're not required to take any name.
    via u/old_motters
  • 22
    My wife didn't. No one was offended. This kind of thing stinks of patriarchy. He needs to wind his neck in and be welcoming to his son's spouse.
    via u/old_motters
  • 23
    patentmom I kept my name and my husband kept his. Our kids have MY name. My husband uses my name socially and we call ourselves by my name as a family unit. It took 15 years for my in-laws to accept that the kids have my name.
    via u/patentmom
  • 24
    cressidacole Where was your husband while you were being berated by his father for this dent in his enormous ego? Edit: I've just read your replies to others asking the same.
    via u/cressidacole
  • 25
    You have a husband problem. He needs to deal with this. And your in laws are not to be in your home until an apology has been accepted by you.
    via u/cressidacole
  • 26
    feligae NTA and FIL sounds very full of himself. Shame on your husband for not backing you up.
    via u/feligae
  • 27
    JustAnotherAcc925 Nta. Who is this man and what has he done for everyone in the area to hear his name and "respect" it. He's not some mafia boss, nobody cares abt him, he's just being full of himself
    via u/JustAnotherAcc925
  • 28
    Scrapper-Mom Unless his last name is Corleone, I wouldn't even consider it.
    via u/Scrapper-Mom
  • 29
    Pale-Wishbone5635 Are you sure your husband wasn't complicit in this? His lack of support for you is suspicious.
    via u/Pale-Wishbone5635
  • 30
    Boysenberry Jellyfish NTA You in-laws are nuts. They don't get a vote, it's none of their business. Your husband should be setting them straight, telling them that their behaviour is ridiculous and that they need to apologize to you or go away. I wouldn't have anything to do with them, who needs people like that in their life?
    via u/BoysenberryJellyfish
  • 31
    pianohog OP Thank you, i have since talked to my husband and he realized belatedly that he should have spoken up.
    via u/pianohog
  • 32
    GuyverIV So, he called his dad and told him to never bring that crop up again, right? ...right?
    via u/GuyverIV
  • 33
    LanceWayne2024 You know he did not.
    via u/LanceWayne2024

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family drama marriage surname Female Empowerment wife reddit story married life relationships husband father in law mother in law entitled reddit thread Reddit entitled people
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