Mother-in-law refuses to attend mid-20s couple's destination wedding, they stand their ground when she pulls all the stops to guilt trip them into changing the venue: "My anxiety might not let me go"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 11, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

A destination wedding isn't easy to pull off. Coordinating the DJ, venue, decorations, and catering from afar can be incredibly frustrating. The trouble can be completely worth it if it means getting to have your dream wedding. However, even if you get the venue in the location of your dreams, you have to make some concessions. Namely, your guest list. Not everyone has the time, money, or ability to travel for one event. So, if you get married outside of your home town, do not be surprised if the number of RSVPs is a little low.

In our story today, a couple decide to have their wedding in Utah. The area is incredibly meaningful to them given their history, however, it is pretty far out from their home state of Alabama. The couple realize that not everyone will be able to attend but are not prepared to get guilt-tripped by a persistent MIL that is determined to get her way. Scroll down below for the full story.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITAH for not changing my wedding venue despite my future in-laws pleas?

    "Recently, every conversation is guilt-trip."
    via Jeremy Wong from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Now a little backstory: my fiancé (26 M) and I (26 F) met in high school when we were 15. I ended up moving from Alabama to Utah for college while he stayed closer to home. We reconnected 8 years later while I was still living in Utah and he ended up moving to be with me 8 months later.
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 03
    My parents and in-laws were very supportive of the decision and my in-laws even made comments about us getting married before it was in our sights. (Although, the comments usually included hints of us getting married "in Alabama.")
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 04
    It was truly like a movie and we got engaged in October. Shortly after our engagement, I got relocated for work to a town 4 hours from both of our parents (they live 5 minutes from each other).
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 05
    Now to the wedding planning. Before we got engaged, I saw a wedding venue on instagram that was near our home in Utah that we both loved. Neither of us grew up very well off so it was more so just a dream but we loved it nonetheless. Well, fate
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 06
    had it that my relocation and a really great Black Friday deal afforded us the opportunity to book it, so I did. It's a house that sleeps close to 60 people and we have it for a few days. It's perfect because our families just need to get there and we can cover
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 07
    the rest of the costs. We knew in our decision that not everyone would be able to make it, but we knew with a year's notice that the ones that wanted to be there could be and we didn't want a huge wedding anyway. A great majority of our families were excited about the venue, even more so than what was expected. Except for my MIL to be.
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 08
    My MIL to be has only been in my fiancés life stably for the last 10 years. She initially expressed that she'd like the wedding to be in Alabama and my fiancé told her point blank that we had decided together that it would be in Utah. It was where we
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 09
    Welcome to UTAH LIFE ELEVATED
    via Joshua T from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    started our life together and was meaningful to us and our relationship and also just gorgeous. She then tried to spin it that his grandmother, who raised him, would not be able to attend. But she was the most excited to visit the beautiful state that we called home.
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets

  • It's crazy when manipulators out themselves by lying on behalf of another person. It took this couple one chat with grandma for them to realize that mom was lying.

  • 11
    My FIL is excited but doesn't cross his wife. He even let us know he got ordained so that he can perform our ceremony after we told them the venue was booked.
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 12
    We're now well passed the refund date on our deposit and my MIL is saying that she's not sure she will be able to attend and anytime we speak with her she makes comments like "What news do you have?
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 13
    Did y'all get married and we don't have to go to Utah?" Or "I don't think this Aunt and Uncle will be able to attend. It's just unreasonable." Or "My anxiety just might not let me go."
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10478144256
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    We knew that not everyone would be able to go but every conversation, especially recently, is a guilt trip. Am I the a h le?
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 16
    WifeofBath1984 NTA she is absolutely trying to manipulate the situation and guilt trip you. Call her bluff! "I'm so sorry to hear that so and so will not be able to attend. We'll make sure to post photos!". Don't take the bait!
    via u/WifeofBath1984
  • 17
    Aggravating-Bus9390 Just reply to her "thank you for letting us know you will not be able to join us, that is sad news but we will send photos." Call the bluff and stop listening to this manipulative bulls . Have just FIL there and have him officiate, sounds lovely.
    via u/Aggravating-Bus9390
  • 18
    East-Jacket-6687 Let her know your sorry she can't make it. You'll reach out and see who is comfortable taking her spot.
    via u/East-Jacket-6687

  • There's no reason to bend to her will. No one else is complaining but her.

  • 19
    Lucky-Guess8786 Bonus points if you can work in a statement that you will find another way for grandma to be able to attend. After all, she shouldn't miss out because mom will be unavailable.
    via u/Lucky-Guess8786
  • 20
    Readingreddit12345 Ask her if there's a warrant out for her arrest in Utah, or is she on probation and can't travel?
    via u/Readingreddit12345
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10478144512
    via ferrantraite

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    Glittering Pie_8661 Keep planning your wedding exactly how you intend. If either of you need to speak to your FMIL just keep it simple and put her on an information diet. If she mentions the wedding just shift the conversation to something else..... Stay away from that drama. She will attend as she sounds like she suffers from FOMO anyway..
    via u/Glittering_Pie_8661
  • 23
    zenFieryrooster Agree. How future MIL manages to make the wedding about herself is a preview to how she'll make OP's pregnancy etc all about her. OP and her fiance should both be united when dealing with his mom now and in the future.
    via u/zenFieryrooster
  • 24
    Busy Weekend 5169 She didn't manage to make her son's life about her until the last 10 years. Don't take her dress shopping. It will be pure drama.
    via u/Busy_Weekend5169
  • 25
    FreakinDa-xcl-Sheets OP Oh I did take her dress shopping. I initially wanted her there so she would feel included to hopefully get her more excited about the wedding. I took my mom, stepmom, aunt, one of my bridesmaids/stepsister, and her. I knew it may be a little awkward just because both
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 26
    my mom and stepmom were there but they got along well and were just excited for the day. We all thought it was perfect. Only to get home and have my fiancé tell me she "felt left out." Luckily, he knows me and my family and knew that no one would have done that but it still made me sad to know what I thought was perfect was twisted the way it was.
    via u/Frea***Da-xcl-Sheets
  • 27
    SophiaBrahe - You and (more importantly) your fiancé need to shut that "don't have to go to Utah" cr_p down — just flat out tell her that of course she doesn't have to go anywhere. Tell her you'll miss having her at your wedding but that's her decision then move on as if nothing happened because nothing did. So she can't make the wedding. Shrug and move on.
    via u/SophiaBrahe
  • 28
    Every time she says anything, just say "we understand, we'll miss you, but we understand" then go right back to talking about how excited you are about whatever (dress flowers honeymoon whatever). Every. Single. Time.
    via u/SophiaBrahe
  • 29
    Eventually she'll either realize you're not budging and give up, or you will have run the clock out and the wedding will be over. Either way just don't get upset about this. It sounds like she barely showed up for your fiancé's childhood so it shouldn't come as too much of a shock if she misses his wedding. You'll be there, that's all that matters.
    via u/SophiaBrahe
  • 30
    Capable-Limit5249 Sorry she won't be able to make it. Not. Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming nuptials!! NTA. She is.
    via u/Capable-Limit5249

Tags

family drama bride entitled parents groom wedding drama toxic adulting relationships wedding mother in law love entitled family red flag utah Reddit dating
Scroll Down For The Next Article