‘I’m being gas lit by my therapist’: therapist claims texting and doing her nails helps her focus, then tries to turn patient’s confrontation into her professional achievement

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 15, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

We live in a distracted era. Most of us have the attention span of a goldfish that just discovered TikTok. The barista staring blankly while constructing your latte, the bank clerk murmuring "uh-huh" while scrolling Instagram, the DMV lady knitting an entire sweater while you explain your paperwork—sure, we've learned to expect that. But a therapist? Not you, lady. You have one job: make me feel heard for 50 minutes, nod strategically, and get rich while pretending you care. If I'm boring you, at least have the decency to count the money you're raking in at $150 per nod. 

In what can only be described as a masterclass in audacity, one therapist decided to bring multitasking to new heights—texting, filing her nails, and studying graphs mid-session. Multitasking? More like multi-ignoring. When her bewildered client asked what was going on, the therapist didn't pause her nail salon act; she dropped the ADHD bomb as an excuse. Turns out that nothing helps her focus quite like perfecting her cuticles.  

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  • "She got really defensive, stated that her ADHD made it necessary for her to multitask to listen best. I think I am being gas lit, am I crazy?"

    "I caught my therapist texting and doing her nails during our virtual session"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • (I attached the text message | sent her when I finally decided to confront her about it and also screen shots of how she replied. Her response only made me feel angrier...)
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  • 33 2:38 5G+ 21 Hi am so sorry for the late text, my hope is that this will be filtered into your work inbox and won't disturb you at this hour. I need to be honest about how I felt about certain aspects of our session today and I hope we can grow in understanding and trusting each other by taking this chance. Since we started working g together I have been really pleased with our rapport, your ability and willingness to relate and validate ideas or feelings I've shared in which I felt insecure a
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  • 33 2:38 5G+ 21 confident that you listen to every word I share for these reasons and others, like the way you are so good at mirroring back the tone of what is being said through your facial expressions. During our session today, it was clear that you were multitasking in a number of ways, and I was very surprised because it that is not typical for our dynamic at all so far. I appreciate how ADHD can affect all aspects of a person's life, but I have never seen you doing the things that you were
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  • 2:38 33 5G+ 21 sharing isn't boring, dev t, or wrong. I want to respect all the habits and communication styles that make you-you as my therapist, because I feel very lucky to be your patient and you have helped me more than you can know at this point. I definitely don't want to jeopardize that. Would you consider those preferences of mine and see if they align with a way you would be willing to practice, as best as we can, during our future sessions? I am eager to get two sessions scheduled wit
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  • 33 2:38 with me your preferences!!!! Yes, yes, and I yes. This is the true power of therapy and I so very much appreciate your honesty and I think this is going to be a beautiful pivoting point for us. I am going to bring different fidgets to our sessions and I will make sure to sit further back from the screen to make sure you can see more of me. I do not take any of this in a bad way, if anything, you help me grow and remind me that everyone sees things different. I can modify my approaches or
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  • ADHD? You go there?? I don’t even know what HD is, and I have 80 of them! Fine. Whatever. Just don’t make it feel like I’m paying to be part of your personal Zen garden. A fidget spinner? Sure. Taking notes? Understandable. But nail polish and texting? That’s just a side hustle. If I wanted to be ignored while someone works on their grooming routine, I’d go cry at the hairdresser.  

  • After about 20 min of noticing my therapist multitask (texting with two thumbs on her phone, studying this printed out graph about something else, and finally doing her nails) while I spoke during our virtual session, I finally
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  • gently confronted her about it by asking "are you doing your nails?" She was startled, looked like a deer in the headlights, then got defensive. She said that she "has
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  • always been up front about how [she] has ADHD" as if I had infringed on her rights by drawing attention to her behavior by asking if she were "doing her nails" during our session, and
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  • then she launched into a very awkward, tense, and meandering argument about how she always multitasked like that during sessions and then stated that doing her nails actually helped her "listen better," as a function of her ADHD.
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  • I have ADHD, I endorse all attempts to redefine our social and communication status quos that work to marginalize or stigmatize people who identify as
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  • neurodivergent. But this encounter left me feeling so alone, as if trust had been violated, and genuinely confused.
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  • She said that she "always" uses a fidget spinner or other stimuli during sessions to treat her ADHD. I have had at least 8 sessions with her and she has
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  • never behaved this way or done anything with her hands. Normally she has great eye contact and only takes notes on what I say in a really subtle way.
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  • While I do know she offered up the fact that she also has ADHD during a session at one point, prior to that day, her ADHD had never been an issue. In my own
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  • experience, doing my nails would make listening to a person's feelings more difficult, but that's just my personal neurology.
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  • It bothered me that her first response was to get defensive. Additionally, her explanation didn't resonate with any experience I've had with her before, and she never apologized.
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  • AITA for feeling like the trust was totally broken? If she had owned up to her behavior and apologized or allowed us to have a real conversation about how it
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  • felt to have the one person I rely on to not abe our relationship during my struggle with depresion, I would have embraced that.
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  • She has me feeling like a problem patient now because that experience felt so offensive to me but I feel like I'm being gas lit by a therapist.
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  • Smitty-TBR2430 NTA. Get a new therapist, this one is grossly unprofessional.
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  • wtfreddit741741 Definitely NTA Do not go back to her. And report her with the - screenshots - to the licensing board.
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  • Nani65 She is a TERRIBLE therapist. And a true illustration that half of any group is in the bottom half...
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  • Distinct Ratio3239 OP I felt so exhausted after texting her that dissertation in order to try to make our relationship work in spite of what happened but was ultimately pred off by the time I sent it because I felt like I had to sugar coat every single sentence when all I wanted to say was "don't text or do your nails while I'm talking."
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