Guy threatens to go low contact with parents after they plan to dip into their retirement savings to ‘bail out’ his older, ‘family screw up’ brother: ‘I can't keep watching this cycle’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Mar 20, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

It doesn't matter whether you're the golden child or the family screw up… parents will choose favorites based on their parenting style. If they live and breathe helicopter parenting, then they'll favor the child who lacks independence and desperately needs direction. If they're lenient parents who prioritize independence, then the natural-born leader will be winning their parents' favoritism. Not all families work this way, obviously, but in the family situations that do work this way, this is usually the formula for disaster.

In this next story, a 30-year-old man explains that his aimless brother is about to be evicted from his apartment, and their parents aim to dip into their retirement savings to keep him afloat. The issue with that, though, is this guy's brother has been in and out of trouble for as long as he can remember, yet he was always bailed out by his parents and has never learned from it. See how the story unfolds below.

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  • Every child deserves some level of coddling, but it's important that there's a perfect balance between nurturing dependence and promoting independence. Taking responsibility for one's poor choices is not a virtue, it is taught. If this guy's brother is never taught that his actions have real consequences, his parents (and possibly he, himself) will be doomed to take care of their son/brother until their last days. This is obviously not ideal, especially for a younger brother who is not seeking to baby his older brother. He should have been a role model, and this guy should not be collateral damage.

  • "I was done watching them ruin their own lives for someone who never learns."
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for Telling My Parents They Need to Stop Enabling My Brother or Im Cutting Them Off?"

    I (30M) have an older brother, Ryan (34M), who has always been the family screw up. Hes been in and out of jobs, relationships, and even short
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • stints in jail for stupid stuff (DUIs, unpaid fines, etc.). Every time he messes up, my parents bail him out, paying his rent, covering legal fees, even buying him a car after he crashed his last one.
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • Meanwhile, I worked my a off, put myself through college, and built a stable life. My parents have never given me a dime. I
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • never asked, but it stings when I see them constantly throwing money at Ryan while I get told, "Youre doing fine on your own".
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • Cheezburger Image 10481506304
    via Yunus Tuğ For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The breaking point came last week when my mom called, crying, saying Ryan got evicted again and needed a place to stay.
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • I told her no. She said she and Dad were planning to cash out part of their retirement fund to get him a new apartment.
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • Thats when I lost it. I told her they needed to stop enabling him or theyd end up broke and alone because I was done watching
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • them ruin their own lives for someone who never learns. I said if they keep bailing him out, Ill go low contact because I cant keep watching this cycle.
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • Now, my parents think Im heartless. My dad said Im turning my back on family, and my mom wont even talk to me. Meanwhile, Ryan has been texting me nonstop about how Im a selfish a hole who thinks hes better than everyone.
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • I dont want to abandon my parents, but I also refuse to stand by while they self destruct for someone who doesnt care. So, AITA?
    via No-Rhubarb4226
  • Difficult-Signal4... NTA, your parents are enabling and u gave them a reality check.
    via Difficult-Signal4867
  • murphy2345678 NTA. You aren't responsible for the three of them. Keep it that way.
    via murphy2345678
  • lunar_pizza NTA and I'd go low/no contact now since they're already not talking to you. You're right that they'll end up broke and alone if they keep bailing him out, because you know he won't magically get money to spend on their elder care so it'll fall on you.
    via lunar_pizza
  • TaisharMalkier6 NTA I have this rule. If you have a problem, and I offer you a solution, but you don't take it, then don't expect that you can keep coming to me with the same problem.
    via TaisharMalkier6*
  • So, if you were sick, and I told you to go to a doctor, but you don't go, then don't. complain about being sick. Apply this rule with your parents here.
    via TaisharMalkier6*
  • TacticalSweethe... You can't dictate what your parents do. They are just as free to enable their son as you are to cut contact.
    via TacticalSweetheart
  • nightcana Guarantee your parents are happy throwing that money around because they see you as their safety net. Time to break them of that illusion.
    via nightcana
  • AbbreviationsHo... NTA. Sadly it's their money and there is nothing you can do about it. Dropping to no contact might be a bit too much but telling them you do not want to enable your brother and do not want to hear about it any more.
    via AbbreviationsHot66*
  • Upbeat_Vanilla_... If they want to live on social security, that's on them. Set boundaries. Don't talk about him at all and go LC with your brother.
    via Upbeat_Vanilla_7285

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family drama aita entitled parents brother reddit story family feud parenting entitled people karma family reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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