“Why should I forgive him now just because he feels lonely?”: 20-year-old refuses to speak to her dad in years for cheating on her mom and tearing the family apart, he comes crawling back to win her over

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 21, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

I couldn't imagine having to watch my family fall apart in the aftermath of infidelity. It's hard enough if you're already an adult and developed enough to handle the throes of grief, but to be a child and have to harness enough strength, maturity, and understanding to get through it must be even more difficult. Children don't necessarily know what's going on, and what we experience when we're kids can be deeply embedded in our subconscious in ways that affect us forever. How can a child know how to handle betrayal, trust issues, or understanding the intricacies of infidelity? 

In the story below, the protagonist is a young girl whose father cheated on her mother when she was a child. She had to grow up fast and watch her mother suffer at the hands of her father's insolence. Not only is it painful to go through this kind of ordeal, but to know that your father has never even apologized, that he doesn't even really care about what he's done is something else entirely. People out there are true narcissists, and they don't have any empathy. Be careful who you choose to be your husband, at least she can choose to not have a relationship with her father. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to have a relationship with my dad after he cheated and destroyed our family?

    "The worst part is that my dad never apologized"
    via seb_ra from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Hi, I (20F) haven't spoken to my dad (45M) in almost two years. When I was 17, I found out he was cheating on my mom (42F) - with her best friend. They had been sneaking around for months before anyone knew. When my mom found out, she was absolutely shattered. She had to raise me and my younger brother (13M) alone, with barely any support.
    via u/Vicky_Princess53
  • 03
    The worst part is that my dad never apologized - not to my mom, not to us. He acted like it was "just something that happened" and said "these things are complicated." Like, sorry? You threw away your family for a woman we trusted, and now you think we'll just move on?
    via u/Vicky_Princess53
  • 04
    Since then, my dad has been living with that woman, playing. "happy family" with her kids, while completely ignoring us. He missed my graduation, never helped my mom financially, and only texts me on birthdays or holidays like "Hope you're well" as if nothing happened.
    via u/Vicky_Princess53
  • 05
    Now suddenly, because some of our extended family are having reunions and holidays, he's trying to "reconnect." He keeps reaching out, saying, "You're my daughter, I miss you, let's fix this." But honestly? I don't think I can. I've watched my mom cry herself to sleep for years. I had to grow up fast to help her and my little brother. Why should I forgive him now just because he feels lonely?
    via u/Vicky_Princess53
  • 06
    Some family members (mostly on his side) are saying I'm being "cold" and "bitter" and that "life is short, you'll regret it if you don't make peace." But to me, he's the reason our family is broken.
    via u/Vicky_Princess53

  • Anyone who's been cheating on understand the pain, grief, disappointment, anger, frustration, betrayal, disillusion, and chaos that can enfold after such an act of treason. In Dante's The Inferno, the last circle of the inferno is for those who committed treason, who through their malice affected the lives of others. 

  • 07
    So now I'm wondering ― AITAH for refusing to have a relationship with my dad after everything he's done?
    via u/Vicky_Princess53
  • 08
    PrairieGrrl5263 9h ago NTA. Tell him that if he wants to make amends, he can pay for a family therapist of your choice. In the therapy sessions, UNLOAD on his cheating a
    via u/PrairieGrrl5263
  • 09
    • yherduy 9h ago NTA. He cheated, destroyed your family, never apologized, and ignored you for years. Now that it's convenient for him, he wants back in? You don't owe him a relationship. Healing is on your terms, not his.
    via u/yherduy
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10481903872
    via AndreyPopov from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 11
    Mother_Search3350 • 9h ago Block him, he isn't worth your time or mental health and tell his flying monkey relatives to send their messages to their..> brothers affair partner because he is to you..
    via u/Mother_Search3350
  • 12
    And block them too NTAH
    via u/Mother_Search3350
  • 13
    K_A_irony ⚫9h ago NTA. Tell his flying monkey's that you can discuss working things out when he turns over X $ of child support and sincerely apologizes and is willing to pay for and attend family therapy.
    via u/K_A_irony
  • 14
    Average child support payment in the USA is $720 per kid. So child support for you for one year minimum is $8600 I would argue maybe you were still in high school so 2 years and your brother 2 years 35K (rounded). He pays 35 K, apologizes, pays
    via u/K_A_irony
  • 15
    DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
    via Nikodash from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    for and attends family therapy with you and you maybe give him a chance. *hint he won't do that*
    via u/K_A_irony
  • 17
    In the end, he did your mom a favor. The only person who does this is some form of monster. Probably on the narcissist spectrum. Recommend your mom get therapy with a therapist that understands infidelity is a form of abe and who can help her overcome this and
    via u/K_A_irony
  • 18
    live a happier life and be grateful she doesn't have to put up with more decades of his cheating and then have to wipe his a when he is. older.
    via u/K_A_irony
  • 19
    AdAccomplished6... • 9h ago 'There is nothing left to fix. You destroyed our family, then left us behind. We've moved on. There is nothing there. Goodbye and do not contact me again'
    via u/AdAccomplished6870
  • 20
    Sparklingwine23 • 9h ago NTA, this isnt a "let's fix this" situation, it's a "he needs to fix this" situation and only you can decide what that looks like for you. It can mean telling your extended family that you aren't a part of your dad's life any more
    via u/Sparklingwine23
  • 21
    since he cheated on your mother and abandoned you. Let him deal with the consequences you have already had to bear.
    via u/Sparklingwine23
  • 22
    Cute-Profession9983 • 9h ago Ask these accusatory family members where they were while you and his other child and your mother were struggling and suffering.
    via u/Cute-Profession9983
  • 23
    ZaraZaraOnly ⚫9h ago Absolutely not the a hole! He made choices that he has to live with. If he's never even taken the time to open up and talk about what he did with you and your brother, then he is not man enough to be your father.
    via u/ZaraZaraOnly
  • 24
    I'm not saying it's easy to do that, it's embarrassing for him, but I am saying that it was 100% his choice and he has to work really hard to mend these relationships. A few text messages aren't going to do that.
    via u/ZaraZaraOnly

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