29-year-old's hometown friends help him hide that wife's new work bestie is actually his ex-girlfriend, mother-in-law spills the beans: "I didn't want you to feel like a rebound"

Advertisement
  • 01

    My (26F) husband (29M) has been lying to me about his past with a "friend" (29F). How do I proceed?

    "They are more than just old friends...'
  • 02
    I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm surrounded by all of his friends, so of course they think this is okay, so I just need some perspective.
  • 03
    My (26F) husband (29M) and I met in college, when I was a freshman and he was a junior. He had recently transferred but not all of his credits did so he was taking some lower level courses. We fell
  • 04
    pretty quickly and were married when he graduated and I was still studying. When we first got together, we talked about past relationships and he always told me that he didn't have anyone special in his past. He'd dated, sure, but no great big loves. I was his first.
  • 05
    Last year, we moved back to his hometown for work. At my new job, I met "Mindy" (now 29F). We hit it off and eventually became friends. The first time I brought her to my house, she seemed shocked to see my husband. They told me they were "old friends". Later on, I asked my husband if they ever
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10485069056
  • 07
    dated and he said "no". I believed him. Especially considering I met more of his other friends (both men and women) who also knew Mindy and no one ever said anything. The two of them along with two other friends seemed very close, but I was also almost always invited to hang out with the group. So again, my jealousy radar didn't really hit.
  • 08
    My in-laws don't live in the area anymore, but recently came back for a visit. We had a little party for them. My husband's friends from his high school years came by. My MIL saw Mindy was there and looked a little perplexed. She asked if they hung out.
  • 09
    I said yeah, pretty often. She asked if I was okay with that. I said yeah, they were friends, I'm not the type to get jealous of my husband having women friends.
  • 10
    My MIL didn't say anything else about it until after the party was over. FIL and my husband took our daughter out for a bit. I was cleaning up with MIL. She once again asked what I knew about Mindy. I told her, just that they were old friends. She shook her head and said no. They had dated all throughout
  • 11
    high school and into their sophomore year of college, attending a local university. They broke up in a pretty big way and my husband was so devastated by losing her, he switched universities. She said they were very serious and marriage had been on the table for a while but eventually, what they wanted out of life differed, so they broke up.
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10485069312
  • 13
    I was-and still am-in shock. I waited for my ILs to leave the next day, so my husband couldn't yell at his mom. I asked him again about Mindy. He tried to brush it off. I finally told him what I knew. He at first
  • 14
    tried to say his mom was stirring up sh but finally broke down and admitted it all. He and Mindy were serious. He was so heartbroken when he met me. I asked why he had lied and he said he wasn't sure if I'd take him seriously if I knew he was fresh out of a
  • 15
    long-term relationship. He didn't want me to feel like a rebound. I said he had so many opportunities to tell me. I then asked if he still had feelings for Mindy. He said no, but this time, I wasn't sure if I could believe him.
  • 16
    I later confronted Mindy, as she never said anything. She said she didn't know who I was when we met, but once she figured it out, she didn't want to lose me as a friend or make things awkward. She told me
  • 17
    she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. And yet, I look back on all their interactions and I'm not sure if I know what to believe. They are very close. And recently, there have been more times that they've gone out alone.
  • 18
    I'm hearing from their friends that I'm crazy. My husband and Mindy are old news. And yet, my MIL, who is always very supportive of me and has always been so kind, has been telling me that she knows her son. She knows how in love he was with Mindy.
  • 19
    And says she got off vibes from them too. My husband says his mom is just trying to start sh but that's not her nature. She's not the intrusive MIL who wants to break us up, at least she's never shown that side.
  • 20
    I've been sleeping in the guest room and I don't know if I'm crazy for being upset by this. I don't know what to trust or how to feel. Tonight, my husband went out with Mindy for drinks and once he left, I cried. I don't know if I'm the world's biggest idiot. Pregnancy hormones do not help. How do I proceed?
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10485069568
  • 22
    TLDR: My (26F) husband (29M) lied and told me his ex (29F) was an old friend and nothing more. Come to find out, they are more than old friends and seriously dated for 7 years. How do I deal with this lie?
  • 23
    DesperateToNotDream You're sleeping in the guest room, your marriage is in serious danger and your husbands reaction was to go out for drinks with Mindy
  • 24
    Lady_Wolvie82 It sounds like an affair started. OP should look into laws tied to divorce (no fault vs at fault, child custody/support, assets, etc.) as I think that this relationship is headed towards divorce.
  • 25
    Selket_8673 THIS!!! He obviously doesn't care at all about his wife
  • 26
    spicewoman Sounds to me like he wanted to make sure he didn't miss the opportunity to "woe is me, the wife and I had a fight and we're not even sleeping in the same room any more" (without saying what the fight was about) and test out the waters to see if his ex might be interested if it looked like he might become available again.
  • 27
    davekayaus Trust your gut (and your MIL) There's reasons why they both chose not to tell you. There's reasons why she got close to you, and there's reasons why they have been hanging out alone. They are on a date tonight while you sit at home. This cannot continue.
  • 28
    Dear_Parsnip_6802 That's the bit I can't get my head around. He went out on a date with her knowing how upset his wife was to the point of sleeping in the guest room.
  • 29
    kittybombay THIS! Remember she also lied to you. So two people that have BOTH lied to you about their feelings for each other and their history, while you are at home, alone and pregnant no less, crying in the guest room.
  • 30
    At best, it's an emotional affair. If it hasn't already, physical will happen eventually. Probably when you are in your later months and that will be the excuse.
  • 31
    Overall_Card_5704 He lied to you. You met her and he lied. He had her around you and he lied. HIS friends (because they're surely not yours) contributed to the deception. Once you knew the truth he tried to lie again. He's not
  • 32
    shown any remorse. He continues to hang out with her instead of trying to reconcile with and reassure you. edit to emphasize: him doing this is insanely disrespectful to you, your feelings and your relationship btw.
  • 33
    Listen to your gut. His relationship with this woman is BEYOND inappropriate. Have a spine. Don't sit in the house in misery. Leave. Show him he needs to start respecting you or you will go.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article