62-year-old father demands son give him $20,000 to start gas station business, flips out when he refuses and claims he's in debt to him: 'Over the years he’s started 30–40 business ventures'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 30, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

 Money and family are two topics that often have to mingle together, but are not always comfortable doing so. Many a close familial relationship has been put under strain due to financial woes, and that is unlikely to change any time soon. 

Most people, when faced with monetary difficulties, turn to their relatives as their first opportunity for a little help. It is an understandable action to take, and within reason, the majority of people want to help out their family if they can in such situations. However, there are usually limits to how far they are willing to take this.

Unfortunately, it is all-too-common for family freeloaders to try and squeeze every last penny out of those closest to them. It is no surprise that this can be a real source of tension, but usually, an individual has to tread carefully to deal with it in a way that works out for the best.

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    Cheezburger Image 10487259136
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One man found himself with this dilemma when his father came to him requesting a $20,000 loan to start a new business running a gas station. The son refused on the basis of his numerous other failed business ventures and the fact that he would have to sell some of his retirement investments to provide the money.

    Following this refusal, the dad began to insist that his son owed him more money than he had originally asked for because he loaned it to him and his siblings while they were living abroad over a decade ago. Now claiming he needed the cash to fund the college education of these siblings, the man wondered if he was in the wrong despite not believing his story.

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    via Alexander Mils (Unsplash+)
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    AITA for not giving my dad money he says he gave me years ago?

    AITA for refusing to give my dad $20,000 for a business, even though he now says the money was his all along? A few weeks ago, my dad (62M) asked me (32M) for $20,000 to help fund a gas station business he wanted to start. I said no, respectfully, because over the years he's started 30-40 business ventures-none of which have succeeded. He rarely takes advice, changes his mind constantly, and gets defensive when challenged. I've supported where I could emotionally, but I've seen this cycle repeat
    via BreadnPaper
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    After I declined, he sent me a message saying how shocked and disappointed he was, saying he was waiting for me to "wake up" and help him. Then, a few days later, I got another message—this time in Arabic- completely changing the story. He now claims that back in 2015, he deposited $30,000 under my name, and that this money came from his government retirement package. According to him, it was meant to be shared between me and my siblings to help with living expenses and education while we were a
    via BreadnPaper
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    Now, almost a decade later, he says I owe him the rest of the money and that he needs it—not for the gas station anymore, but to support my siblings' education. The reasoning has completely changed. What's worse is he knows that I've been carefully investing my savings for my own retirement, and he's essentially asking me to sell off long-term investments to fund his latest business idea. He retired in 2023 at age 60 and has since refused to return to work to help support the family. What's frus
    via BreadnPaper
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    I'm also honestly worried that if I "repay" this supposed debt now, it won't stop here—what's next? Is he going to come back asking me to reimburse him for diapers he bought when I was a baby, or the bus passes from when I was in high school? I want to set boundaries, but now I'm torn. Would giving him the money just enable this cycle? AITA for saying no?
    via BreadnPaper
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    Commenters were sure he was doing the right thing, and advised him accordingly.

    Signal_Wall_8445 ΝΤΑ Tell him you will contact your siblings about their school bills, and you will work with them to pay those directly. He will get ped, then you have confirmation that the change in stories about what the money is needed for is a lie.
    via Signal_Wall_8445
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    labtech89 I did this with my sister once. She at the time partied all day everyday and always asked to borrow money to help pay her bills. I told her to give me a list of the bills and I would pay them directly. She did not ask for money again.
    via labtech89
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    Rtarara NTA: He's grasping at straws to wring money out of you. If you didn't discuss payment, it was the usual parental support for education.
    via Rtarara
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    Antelope_31 Nta. Ywbta if you give him a cent. There was no loan. Especially to a then minor child below the age of consent. Wow, I'm so sorry. What kind of loving father lies and uses emotional manipulation to steal from his grown son? They don't. He obviously has never learned how to manage money, but he's adept at squandering it. Do not entertain this idea that it was EVER a loan. Leave a paper trail via text etc stating that his story has changed multiple times and there obviously was never
    via Antelope_31
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    Tell him no. Tell him you do not have the money. You don't. That money is not set aside for fulfilling his fantasies, it's your future security and you earned it. Your finances are absolutely none of his business so going forward keep personal info personal. He sees you as an easy mark because you are decent and you love your dad, despite his cr p behavior. You aren't responsible for self-delusions or his finances. He's welcome to earn his own money, save and invest it. No, you will not be fundi
    via Antelope_31
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    LightPhotographer Say no. He's making up stories, exactly as you suspect. Your father spends more than he earns, it's as simple as that. He may convince himself of these stories, so they are easier to pass on as truth. But a decades old 'loan' that was never a loan and suddenly spontaneously becomes a loan ... mere days after you refused one of his stories? Tip: Consider your retirement investments as non existent. Untouchable. Is not liquid. Does not enter into any equation. Might as well be on
    via LightPhotographer
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    (NTA, of course. Keep saying no. Eventually he will give up the 'business idea' of the month because there is no money to support it. And eventually he will live somewhat within his means because there is no free money coming in.) Do not waste your retirement on the latest lie or this weeks' fad.
    via LightPhotographer
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    JazzlikeHarpsichord NTA. Did you sign a written agreement stating that it was a loan? Was it ever said anywhere in any old message that it was to be returned? If not then tell your dad to off lol. If I were you and this is a repetitive cycle, I would cut ties with him already.
    via JazzlikeHarpsichord
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    eroscripter Tell him to pound sand and sue you (he wont) but be ready to cut ties with the snake.
    via ecoscripter
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    sockiemeister NTA If he gave you (not loaned) money a decade ago with conditions on how it was to be used, and you used it according to the conditions, there's no reason for you to be held accountable for this and you're definitely NTA for refusing to participate in funding a business that you believe has a low likelihood of success given past track record. Whilst this might be something that causes a rift between you both, extorting your child isn't exactly good parenting...
    via sockiemeister
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    MaterialMonitor6423 NTA. Was any of this in writing? No? Then the answer to daddy-o is no.
    via MaterialMonitor6423
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    Sensitive_Ad2681 NTA.. Do NOT pay him. You did not agree to any sort of debt with him. He has no leg to stand on. Stick to your no and go on with your life. He'll leave you alone about it eventually.
    via Sensitive_Ad2681
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    PrincessSmores Nta ask him why it wasn't expected to pay back years ago!
    via PrincessSmores
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    JuniorCommercial1202 NTA: whether the $30,000 is real or not, you didn't ask for the money, it was a gift. And a really bad gift if he didn't explain it to you lol. If I give my friend $30, I don't $20 in return later
    via JuniorCommercial1202
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    Viva_Veracity 1906 ΝΤΑ Your father is manipulative and untruthful. You must set boundaries. Such a person cannot be allowed free access to ruin other's lives. Tell him you will speak to your siblings and their schools directly to see if you can help but you are not responsible for his financial support of you as a parent and will not be giving him any money. If he escalates, ring off and block his number and email for a week. If he starts up again, same thing but it increases to 2 weeks. Each in
    via Viva_Veracity1906
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    Bluntandfiesty NTA. You can do one of four things 1. Tell him that any education expenses that your siblings have should be sent to you directly from the school and you will pay them directly to the school. 2. Tell him that the money hey deposited into your account was a gift. You did not sign a contract or loan agreement with him, nor did you have any verbal agreement or knowledge that it was a loan. You do not owe him any money. 3. You can ignore him completely and block him and anyone else he
    via Bluntandfiesty
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    None of the options are fantastic. However the most financially beneficial solution would be to not pay him and not pay for your siblings education. This will create a lot more drama and stress for you and problems in your family. But you are not obligated to pay him for a gift he gave you. He can try taking it to court but he will likely lose with no proof of it being a loan agreement. I'd say tell him no. You don't owe him anything. That you're not sacrificing your future and your family's fut
    via Bluntandfiesty

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