'They're saying I'm "neglecting" him': Mother of 3 with special needs and allergies expected to cater to husband's low-carb diet as well, her family takes his side when she refuses

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my husband to make his own meals?

    "He's the hardest one to cook for"
  • 02
    So, for context, we're a household of 5. We have one child whos autistic and only eats a few specific foods, another one with allergies who has to avoid specific foods, and another one who will eat most stuff but HATES meat. This alone makes it a bit tough to figure out meals.
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    I do a pretty balanced diet, and try to figure out meals i can adjust to everyone's taste. However my husband is on a low carb/no sugars diet, yet also refuses to eat vegetables and says he doesn't even
  • 05
    want to try a majority of dishes I suggest. I've been trying to figure out how to make meals for us all, but he's the hardest one to cook for by far since he won't eat a majority of vegetables, or hardly any starches, and hates stuff like stews and curries.
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    Lately I've been helping set up stuff to cook for him but haven't been actually making his meals, ill help a little but I stopped cooking for him fully for the most part.
  • 08
    Well last night I had my hands full trying to make dinner for all of us and already had an extremely busy day. He came into the kitchen while I was making dinner and asked what I was making him
  • 09
    because like usual he didn't like what I was making. I told him I've been busy enough today and if he doesn't like what I'm cooking to cook his own dinner. He ended up snapping at me that he always has to cook lately since I rarely do it anymore and any other man's wife would gladly cook for him and
  • 10
    not make him fend for his own. I tried to explain that I would cook for him, but he never gives me any ideas of what he's actually willing to eat and turns down everything I offer but he was having none of it.
  • 11
    My family is on his side; they're saying I'm "neglecting" him and that men don't usually have to worry about their own dinner and I need to make sure he's fed good like me and the kids. So, AITA?
  • 12
    PodcastJunkie8706 Oh my God... Does your husband seriously not see how you struggle day to day to make sure your children, who all have their own dietary restrictions, are fed and cared for, which is a full-time job in and of itself? And where does he get off thinking that just because he has a , he is entitled to having his own personal chef instead of making his meal like a grown a adult? NTA. In any way, shape, or form.
  • 13
    throwawaynotcooking OP Honestly, he seems to think he does everything and I do nothing (although he can't tell me what he does and I don't when I press him on it) so he thinks he shouldn't have to make his own meals because of that I guess? I really don't know
  • 14
    geenersaurus you need to go on a vacation for a week so he can see how much he really DOESNT do. (although hopefully the allergic child knows. how to feed themselves because i have a feeling he'd just throw a cheese pizza at them every day and call that done)
  • 15
    throwawaynotcooking OP Honestly I'd never leave them alone with him because I REALLY don't think he'd be capable of properly taking care of them by himself. He's never even bathed them and I don't even think he'd know how to brush their hair without hurting them...
  • 16
    reptilenews It's genuinely men like this who are "blindsided" by a divorce. NTA. You don't have 3 kids, you have 4.
  • 17
    sweetbaabyyy If a grown man can't cook for himself when his wife is stressed out, he is the problem.
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    ΝΤΑ Hot_messed Sounds like my adult kid, who is still at home (my health). He will say "I'll eat anything", which is a bald faced lie. He refuses mostly everything. I just direct him to the cereal, or microwave noodles.
  • 20
    Don't accept any guilt from him. Decision fatigue is a real problem for people in your position. Feed your kids. I'm sure hubby can find something, as I'm sure food delivery exists most places these days. He will not starve.
  • 21
    throwawaynotcooking OP Whats annoying is he'll say he NEEDS me to cook because "he can't eat fast food on his diet"
  • 22
    Esmer_Tina I'm assuming he also leaves the shopping to you. Leave the shopping list out for him and have him add foods he is willing to eat. If he wants you to prepare essentially a different meal for everyone in the house, he has to help with meal planning and tell you what he is willing to eat.
  • 23
    Also, most men love to grill. It sounds like grilled meat is one of the things he will eat. Encourage him to grill a week's worth on a Sunday and heat it up throughout the week. In fact, weekly meal prep would take the pressure off of both of you.
  • 24
    He is putting you in an untenable situation and doing nothing to partner with you for the solution. Your family's reaction is insane. NTA
  • 25
    throwawaynotcooking OP Yes, the shopping is all on me. I've tried to have him buy his own food before when he complained, but he never could figure out what to buy and a few days later complained he had absolutely no food after spending $200+ on himself...
  • 26
    He is unfortunately hopeless at grilling. He can't even figure out how to properly light the grill. He's tried grilling several times and could never figure it out so when we do grill... I have to do that, too.

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