32-year-old wife left speechless when husband plans birthday trip with extended family despite asking her what she wanted beforehand: "I wanted it to be just the two of us"

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    I (32F) don't know how to react to my husband's (36M) birthday surprise.

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    So, I guess I just want to know if I'm crazy, how other men might plan their wife's birthday celebration given the conversation and if you'd be surprised at my reaction.
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    About a month ago my husband (36M) asks me (32F) what I want to do for my birthday. I say I'd like to take a trip for the weekend. He specifically asks if I want a bunch of people involved or if I want it to be just the two of us. I tell him, just the two of us. My
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    birthday though, almost always falls on Mother's Day weekend and for the past couple of years we've gone out of town and missed the holiday for my mom. So I say, maybe we can go to celebrate my birthday either the weekend before or after so we can spend Mother's Day with mom.
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    Cool, no problem. I text my mom a couple days later who says she has to work and can't do anything anyways. So I let him know the weekend is free for whatever he wants to plan.
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    So today, he asks if I'd like to know where we're going for my bday. The conversation goes: Husband: Do you want to know where we're going for your birthday?
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    Me: Yes, I can start planning my outfits Husband: We're going to Alabama! Me: Really? Alabama? What's in Alabama?
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    Husband: It's right on the border of GA/TN near Chattanooga (My aunt and uncle live near Chattanooga) Me: We're not going to visit aunt and uncle are we?
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    Husband: No Me: Did you tell them we're coming? Him: Yea Me: Awww man I just wanted it to be the two of us
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    Him: Well then you're really not going to like what I'm about to say. Your mom, little sister, older sister and nephew are also coming. Me: (A little speechless because I think he must be kidding but disappointment growing in my voice) But I thought we were going away, just the two of us.
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    This then becomes an exchange of him telling me I'm ungrateful, how hard he worked to plan all this and that he thought I'd want to spend mothers day and my birthday all together as a family and me
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    trying to explain my reaction based on prior conversations, my expectations being based on what we talked about previously and truly being impressed that he could get my family together for this.
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    We hung up suddenly because he had to go. I felt bad, I could hear the hurt in his voice because he thought he was giving me what I wanted, but I just don't understand how when I thought I made it pretty clear.
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    So back to the questions up top. Would you be surprised at my reaction given the conversations prior? Am I ungrateful? Am I justified in being disappointed? How would you all have gone about plans with the conversations that were had?
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    onekate Ok so that's the plan for Mother's Day. Your 1:1 overnight together still needs to be planned for a different weekend.
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    AdaptingtoAdoption OP You're right. We could still get away somewhere not as far for one night.
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    colloquialicious Exactly he essentially organised a Mother's Day weekend away for OPs mother and family. Which is not what she wanted and clearly communicated. He still owes her a birthday gift and if she still wants a weekend away alone with him then that's what she gets - in addition to this weekend.
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    I understand OP feels bad to cancel this trip but really that is on him and up to him to explain. Proceeding with the trip just shows him that he can steamroll her and she'll go along with it. AND that he'll get pissy at her for complaining. Ugh. I
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    wonder how often he steamrolls her and how much time she spends placating him and tip- toeing around his feelings and managing his emotions. Exhausting. No thanks.
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    OP you're 32yo. Deal with this now or these will be the arguments you'll be having for years that turn into toxic resentments, feeling unheard and unappreciated. Stop letting him pout when you rightfully get upset at simple things he f s up because of his own laziness or selfishness. Otherwise nothing will change and this immature selfishness will persist.
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    stormyanchor I think the most concerning piece here is that he immediately jumped to criticizing you by saying you're ungrateful. That implies more than a simple miscommunication to me. If my partner misunderstood and then found out I was
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    disappointed in his planning, he'd be more focused on fixing it or better understanding. The knee j reaction to immediately make this your fault is not ok. It seems like he just wanted to do what he wanted/what was easiest and if it didn't work out, the backup plan was to make you the a h le. Is this a pattern for him?
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    malliee15 100%. He's being selfish. He doesn't care what she wants, he cares about what HE wants.
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    yourshaddow3 It's funny. Men are always telling us to tell them what we want. Then we do, they ignore it, and we are told to be grateful anyway. Really no winning is there? We are just supposed to accept whatever they do with a smile on our face.
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    It doesn't matter if someone else would love if their husband did this for them, or if it would make your mom happy. Your birthday isn't about anyone else but you. You get to he selfish here. It's your birthday.
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    TypicalAddendum5799 Right! You know what I'd like for my birthday? For you to listen to my answer to your question.

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