Dad refuses to bring his 10-year-old daughter to his brother's wedding despite the family's pleas, doesn't bother to RSVP: '[This is] about how my daughter wishes to spend her summer'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 30, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

Family comes first, especially when it's a once-in-a-lifetime event. It doesn't matter what else you have planned, you need to make it work, barring some tragedy or just impossible commitment. It's not one of those things where you can say "Sorry, I have other plans" if you happen to have something on that weekend—you cancel those other plans unless it isn't possible. Surely, if the girl's summer camp is three months long, she can be picked up for one weekend to attend her uncle's wedding.

It's not clear here whether or not the brother who is getting married actually cares whether or not his niece is there, or if this is something their mother has decided is important. But if the brother wants her there, then this father should be making it work. Usually, it's more common for someone not to want kids to come to their wedding at all, so the fact that the kids are being asked to come at all really says something.

Whatever the underlying factors here are, the fact that he hasn't bothered to RSVP for his family yet and his dismissive attitude really make this whole thing seem like he can't be bothered to make it work for his brother's event. The fact that he says, " I kinda assumed our presence is given since we are family," as his reasoning for not RSVPing, really is the entire point of why his daughter should be going in the first place.

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  • 01

    "I told my mother I probably won't bring my kids to my brother's wedding, despite her wishing for them to be there."

    Longer version: I am 35 and I have been with my GF for around 12 years, we have two daughters, we never plan on getting married. We are not religious (neither our parents) and we do not see point in getting married. My younger brother (25) is getting married this summer and we got invited to the wedding.
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    via Kenneth Penn

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    My mother called me the other day about somethign that had to do nothing with the wedding and at the end of the pohone call she mentioned I have not filled in some form that you access via QR link on the wedding invitation. I kinda assumed our presence is given since we are family, so I did not bother to fill it out, but I told her I'd check it out and fill it in.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 04
    She suddenly says, that she would wish we would all go to the weddin (us and our daughters). I told her I have to check schedule of my older daughter, since she is signed up for summer camp (we did reserve it like 3 months prior) where she goes every year with her firends and that if the wedding will be mid-term I do not think it makes sense to bring her to wedding. My mother says "I do
    via BigGymChungus
  • 05
    not ask you for much, so you could do this for me". So I stopped her and told her, this is not about her or me, but about how my daughter wishes to spend her summer and that as I said prior, I would check the schedule, ask her and let everyone know how we decided. She says, that if I put it like this she understands, at this point I m thinking we are settled and phone call would be ending.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 06
    But no, she suddenly says. something like "Well I do not know how many brothers you have but..." (My brother is my only sibling) To which I respond that yes, because it is my brothers wedding I do intend to attend the wedding, but I am not sure about my children. Since this is about 3rd or 4th time I am explaining it to her I am getting slightly frustrated and agitated and I do raise my voice. Mind you
    via BigGymChungus
  • 07
    I do not shout I am just very firm because we are going in circles. When I explain the same thing to her for that 4th time, she suddenly asks why am I so ride to her, that she hopes she is not being ride to me and that she thinks she does not deserve such treatment. I expalin to her, that I am getting furstrated with explaining same thing to her over and over and that I might be grumpy but I am not angry. She cries and hangs up.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 08
    Now I do not think I am an ah le, but thing about a h les is that they are not aware of the fact they are being a h les, so I come here to ask. Further caveats, my mother might have slight narcistic traits and she is very controlling. She can see my daughters whenever she wants, but she rarely does, she lives 5 minutes away from us.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 09
    TL:DR Mom called me to ask me - to bring my kids to wedding, I told her we have to yet decide, but since my older daughter is going to be at summer camp around that time, we have to find out if logistics of getting her to wedding makes sense and if she even prefers to go there over spending time with her friends (daughter is 10). My mother got upset and cried.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: The reason why I might be an a hole is, that this is my only brother and others may see wedding as way more important event than I do. And thus it would be r de not to bring my children to the
    via BigGymChungus
  • 11
    wedding when others insist on it given that summer programe of my children in comparison to wedding might be viewed as unimportant in grands cheme of things
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  • 12
    Obvious-Diver-4086 Nta for not bringing the kids. But you were certainly about to be one for not helping out the couple and filling out the form they asked for. Don't add stress to them or have them contact you for info bc you don't think it applies to you.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 13
    Sad-Fox7592 Sounds to me like grandma lives 5 mins from her granddaughter and never takes the time to see her. But she wants to appear like an involved grandmother to anybody that will be attending this wedding.
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  • 14
    pudge-thefish When is the RSVP deadline? Because YTA if the deadline has passed and you have not let the couple know if and how many people from your family will be there...no you don't get a pass because you are family it is the difference of 0-4 people that would need to be accommodated and paid for
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  • 15
    apothekryptic I think the solution is, after explaining the first time (or second if you must), you simply say, this is not up for discussion mom, so please stop pushing the subject. If she continues, you say, I'm ending the conversation now, goodbye. NTA
    via BigGymChungus
  • 16
    firefly232 Info: has your brother directly invited your kids to the wedding? Not sure why your mother's wishes take priority over your brother's. (And what your daughter wants to do)
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  • 17
    WhereWeretheAdu... I was like "Meh" until I hit this last thought "She can see my wants, but she rarely does, she lives 5 minutes away from us." Yep, this is about controlling you. A wedding is the perfect stage for her to show off her "Perfect Family" and her
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  • 18
    beautiful grandchildren so she can bask in the attention. I'm impressed she was able to make herself the victim in this so quickly. Standby for the fallout. NTA.
    via BigGymChungus
  • 19
    ebowski64 NTA, but your mother probably has something sort of plan regarding family pictures or something.
    via BigGymChungus

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family dynamics teens family drama aita AITAH wedding drama kids brother sibling rivalry siblings moms family feud parenting wedding family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids weddings parents children
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