Dad fakes sick for 2 months to avoid going to work, blames mom for them not having enough money to buy their 15-year-old daughter a new iPhone: 'I am also unable to work because my youngest is 6 months old'

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    I (41f) am a SAHM for my 3 kids. My husband has a very good job and makes enough to where I don't have to work and can stay home with the kids. 3 months ago my husband had to take time off
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    work because he had a really bad case of the flu. I took care of him for about a month. After that he started noticeably feeling better. He no longer ran a temperature, wasn't throwing up, wasn't coughing, etc.
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    So at this point it has been 2 months of him being completely fine and still not working. He also still expects princess treatment from me. I've told him so many times that we're running out of money and he either needs to go
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    back to work or go to the doctor and find out what's wrong. I also am unable to work because my youngest is 6 months and my 2year old is dis ed and she has a really hard time being without me.
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    Last night at dinner I absolutely lost it on him. My oldest daughter (15f) was asking about a new phone. I told her that we were in a tough spot at the moment, and that meant we couldn't get fancy things like new cell phones. My
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    daughter totally understood and she didn't say anything else. But my husband said "well you could have a new phone, the problem is Daddy is sick and Mommy doesn't want to work. So until she gets a job we can't afford things like food, or the house, or anything."
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    I was in absolute shock. We are not at all in a position where we can't afford the house or food. I told he that I couldn't go to work unless he wanted to take care of the baby (which he doesn't know how to do), help my oldest with her homework, drive her to and
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    from school, cook, clean, and give my middle one her meds and the attention she needs. I also said that maybe if he would stop faking sick and act like a grown Iman then the kids wouldn't have to know about our financial state.
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    He got ped and stormed off. Then he said that I was an a hle and a horrible mother for ridiculing my children's father in front of them. I personally think what I said was probably wrong to say in front of the kids, but definitely not worse than what he said.
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    BookLuvr7 NTA. Unless he fell in love with princess treatment, it sounds like he's been fired for failure to return to work and is afraid to tell you. Contact his "employer." Most places don't give that long just for a flu. He'd have to be on Short Term Dis lity. Assuming you're on the States. Either way, he's projecting. No you shouldn't have said this stuff in front of the kids, but he 100% had it coming. Would he care to price full time, around the clock caretakers for dis ed children and bab
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    Edit: for those saying not to contact his employer, OP could just say they're a recruiter who needs to verify his current employment. At worst, it would make it look like he was applying for more jobs. Also, FMLA requires him to have worked that job at least a year, the employer to have 50+ employees, and to have visited a doctor to sign off on the paperwork. OP says he hasn't been to a doctor. He's clearly NOT taking FMLA. Edit 2: OP, as someone else suggested, email his work and see if it boun
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    plantsoverguys Even here in Denmark with social security, public health care and all that jazz you can't just stay away from work for several months without going to the doctor
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    Fantastic_Mechanic73 I think he got fired and is scared to tell you
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    Season_ofthe_Bitch Family annihilator behavior.
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    scherre "My husband has a very good job and makes enough to where I don't have to work and can stay home with the kids." This line jumped right out at me. Whether or not your husband has a good job, it's not at all accurate to say that you don't have to work. You have three children including a 6 month old and dis led 2 year old. YOU ARE WORKING. Your husband does not value what you do, which is why he thinks it's a simple matter to get sick and then insist it needs to be you that goes and gets
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    You might have used some harsh truths in your response to him, but it was a response, not the opening volley. He started the attack, you did not. It sounds like he expected you to just take it without fighting back though.
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    Several other people have suggested that your husband does not actually have a job anymore. I think this is worth you investigating. From what you say he is neither trying to return to work, nor is he seeking medical help. Either he has a much more serious illness fuelling his terrible behaviour, or he has found himself in a situation he doesn't know how to deal with and is putting his head in the sand and trying to ignore it until you give up and fix it. If his issue is that he isn't. happy wit
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    Stinkytheferret I think his behavior and words are showing what kind of man he is. I don't think he has a job anymore or he'd be concerned. If he has vacay time, it would seem he'd have discussed it with you and actually been helping you with what started as a four month old and a dised toddler. So I'd call his job and ask some questions on the downlow. And most likely, because I wouldn't stand for anyone freeloading, cause that's what it is when he's not taking care of himself or others, and sh
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    Go to court to get support and they will compel him to work and order him to move out. He's lying. He's probably not paying bills. Find out.
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    CPA_Lady INFO: How does your husband not know how to take care of his own child?
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    Any-Agency-8841 OP When my oldest was born he held her once, tripped, and almost dropped her. Ever since then he's said that he's scared to handle babies because he doesn't want to hurt them. So I just always took care of them as babies.
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    Cheddarbaybiskits Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me.
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    Single_Cancel_4873 ESH - Both of you shouldn't have done this in front of your children. Both of you need to have a serious conversation about who is going to work to pay bills, etc.. Perhaps it's time for your husband to be a stay at home parent and you work outside the home.
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    Any-Agency-8841 OP I would have him stay home, but it honestly scares me. He doesn't even remember to do things for himself, much less the kids. My middle one needs 5 different medications, morning and night, at a specific time. My baby needs to be fed, changed, played with, and watched 24/7. My oldest needs a ride to and from school, someone to make sure she eats all her food, someone to drive her to softball practice, and someone to check on her to just make sure she's okay. All my children ha
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    BaseClean Ur a horrible mother yet he doesn't know how to take care of his own baby? This guy is a pathetic loser all the way around. Why r u with him?
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    Any-Agency-8841 OP To be perfectly honest, I have no other choice than to be with him. I've been with him since I was 16 years old. I have no money, no lawyers, no family, nothing. If I leave I'm taking my kids but I can't take them and have them be homeless. I tried leaving when my oldest daughter was 5, but it didn't go well. He was pred and I haven't tried to leave since.
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    Remote Tax6978 This is why you get half in a divorce, plus spousal support, plus child support. He won't be laughing when he sees what those numbers add up to. There's calculators online for what you'd be owed, if you're ever curious.

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