“I won’t be back to visit my ‘mom’ ever again”: 53-year-old man fed up with entitled MIL after years of mistreatment, he puts his foot down with nursing home staff

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 13, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the world. As Mother's Day just passed, moms of all different types have been on our minds. Whether we're close with our mothers or not, we all still have a mom. There's a myriad of stereotypes about moms that are all open to discussion. Your bio mom is either your best friend, or your worst enemy. The best friend who you can call in a jam, who gives you the best advice about dating, boys, career, love, and friendship. The one who you can rely on, and know that they only want the best for you. Then there's the mother who may not want the best for you, the one who isn't capable of helping you, the one who may not give any advice at all. 

Then there are the infamous stepmothers, whose jealousy may get in the way of bonding with their stepdaughters. Or the entitled and controlling mother-in-laws, who want to dictate everything about their son or daughter's wedding and life afterwards. The point is that relationships with our mothers can be complicated. 

In the story below, the protagonist has a strained relationship with his mother-in-law. She's constantly demeaning his past and using it against him. After his wife passes, he decides to cut ties with his evil MIL. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling the nursing home staff that I won't be back to visit my " mom" ever again?

    Cheezburger Image 10503999744
    via DimaBerkut from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    The staff of the state funded nursing home in question still forgets, after 5 years, that it's my mother in law, and not my mom, that is a resident there.
    via u/Throwawayuced

  • He doesn't owe this woman anything anymore. Since his wife has passed, his mother-in-law can't do anything, and he's not obligated to speak to her, or maintain a relationship with her. She needs to understand that even though she's old, she can't treat people poorly, especially when she relies on them. 

  • 03
    And she is not my MIL anymore, as I (53M) just had to deal with the loss of my wife (50F) of 23 years to cancer.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 04
    Before she got sick, she insisted that we go visit her mom every other week because her two brothers (45M and 41M) say their wives would rather they spend their weekends doing family time with their own family.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 05
    Her mom has had long term chronic health issues that I don't want to get into, but they caused her ex to file for divorce. However, during healthier times, I still will never forget how she treated me when my wife and I first started seeing each other.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 06
    She spent the first night we met pearl clutching about the fact that I did not want to talk about my family, because my dad worked all the time, my mom was a control freak I cut contact with at 19, and my sister was diagnosed with BPD and tried to publicly slander me to coworkers when I suggested she get help.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 07
    That got us off on the wrong foot, to say the least. She never dropped the performative astonishment over the fact that I didn't grow up with many close relationships. She thinks you can't be a great partner if you don't come from a strong parental bond. I was tired of
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 08
    comments like " But that's your mom.. don't you LOVE ...her?" When 2020 hit and my job went fully remote she had the audacity to say " So your company is not one where people have a place to go...... work?"
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 09
    I put up with her because I valued my wife's happiness. I'm now trying to rebuild my life in the year since she passed. My MIL is now complaining that the staff are sarcastic, etc. Which is the same thing she said about me.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 10
    Again, the staff saw us every other week and still forget, despite being told many times, that she's not my mom, but my wife's mom. I know my late wife wanted me to go see her mom, because I refuse to use money my son could inherit to pay
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 11
    for a visiting service, period. So I go and one of the staff starts ranting about how it's r de to stop by unannounced (despite it being visiting hours).
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10504000256
    via South_agency from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    She then says to be mindful, I should set up a time at least a few days in advance to visit and to not show up early or late. She was so ride, acting like her booking me a visit with my MIL was doing me a favor and she'd revoke it if I didn't bow down to her. I went to see my
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 14
    MIL and she just fills the time with complaints about abandonment and once again implies I'm lesser for not growing up with parental attachments.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 15
    I realized I had enough and was angry enough that I stormed out. The staff member started rather abrasively asking if I was going to visit at the scheduled time next month so I told her I was done. That (as she and the people underneath her) always forget, she's not MY mom, but my late wife's. And she'll never see me here again.
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 16
    She backtracked and apologized for being short with me, and asked if I was sure. I said yes, and she said ok and told me best of luck. AITA?
    via u/Throwawayuced
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10504000000
    via byryo from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    Old- -66 I'm a Registered Nurse, and I've worked in nursing homes for my entire career. For that staff member to say no unannounced visits is a HUGE red flag. That's not just fishy, but very suspicious.
    via u/Old 66
  • 19
    pinkfluffyunicorn92 NTA. You have the right to cut off contact to anyone, especially if they treated you badly for 23 years. Simple as that. It doesn't matter if it your mom or your mil. If she had looked down on you for
    via u/pinkfluffyunicorn92
  • 20
    something you had done, that would be but at least :) had substance. But blaming you for something that isn't your fault is just down right awful. You truly have no obligations to that woman.
    via u/pinkfluffyunicorn92
  • 21
    I just find it incredibly ironic that she looks down on you for not having a strong parental bond" with your parents, meanwhile 2 of her 3
    via u/pinkfluffyunicorn92
  • 22
    children can be bothered to do as much as call her in a care home, let alone visit. Sounds like that parental bond wasn't as strong as she thought it was w
    via u/pinkfluffyunicorn92
  • 23
    Delnordo I would never agree to no unannounced visits. I'd want to know how she's being treated when they don't know I'm coming and I would have reported that staff person to upper management. The people you should tell that
    via u/Delnordo
  • 24
    you will no longer visit, calmly and respectfully, are her other children, so that they may respond accordingly. And just because you have announced your exit, please don't let it keep you from visiting the old battle axe down the road if you change your mind. Don't bother with making an appointment.
    via u/Delnordo
  • 25
    Beautiful Sector2657 Off topic but you should only ever do unannounced visits to a nursing home relative for obvious reasons.
    via u/Beautiful Sector2657

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