Parents reveal $25,000 wedding fund to 30-year-old daughter, demand that she use it to pay for brother's grad school expenses since she hasn't gotten married: "I was completely blindsided"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 12, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

A common piece of advice for anyone planning a wedding is to take your initial budget and double it right off the bat. Weddings are typically way more expensive that people tend to think, and services required to have one are just getting pricier and pricier every year. Not only do you have to book a venue, catering, DJ, decorator, and photographer but there tons of fees that are easy to overlook upon first glance. If you are lucky enough to have help to cover the cost of celebrating your marital union, it would be wise to accept — unless there are some sketchy strings attached.
In our story today, a young, independent, and self-made woman is confronted by her parents to pitch in with her brother's grad school fees. When she refuses, her parents reveal that they set aside 25k for her wedding day, and since she hasn't gotten married, she should consider donating it to her brother's education. If they only just revealed this fund, why on earth would they bring it up if not just to hurt her emotionally? Scroll down to read this head-scratcher.

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  • 01

    AITA My parents are forcing me to pay for my brothers grad school using money they never told me about

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  • 02
    I've (30F) been financially independent since graduating college. I worked practically full-time while studying, recently paid off my student loans on my own, and just started saving to buy a home. I
    via u/Throwaway3568476985
  • 03
    didn't apply to grad school because I couldn't afford it, and my parents made it pretty clear growing up that we needed to stand on our own after high school.
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  • 04
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    via studioroman

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  • 05
    My brother (22M) is honestly a genius. He worked really hard in school, got a full academic ride to a great state school, and graduated with honors. I'm so, so proud of him. The problem now is he recently got into an extremely prestigious grad program that
    via u/Throwaway3568476985
  • 06
    would open a lot of doors for him. He was hoping for scholarships or a paid internship to cover most of it, but it's not enough. Now he's facing tuition and housing costs in one of the most expensive cities in the country.
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  • 07
    My parents asked if I could help out and suggested I contribute around $15,000 to get him through the first year. They'd match it, and he'd take loans for the rest. I said no. I've been working for over a decade on
    via u/Throwaway3568476985
  • 08
    my own goals, and I'm just now starting to save for a house. I don't feel comfortable putting that on hold, especially when I had to turn down opportunities because there was no help available to me.
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  • 09
    During the conversation, my mom got frustrated and said they'd be using my "other fund" to help him instead. I asked what she meant, and she said they had set aside about $25,000 for me back when I was in college, meant to be used for a future wedding. I was completely blindsided. I had no idea this fund existed.
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  • 10
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    via Space_Cat

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  • 11
    I asked why I wasn't told about it when I was considering grad school, or now while I'm saving for a home. She said it was always intended for a wedding, not school or property, and since I haven't needed it (I'm not engaged or in a relationship), they decided to give it to my brother because he has a more immediate need.
    via u/Throwaway3568476985
  • 12
    ed. I never got a I'm not going to lie, I was p chance to make a case for how I could've used that money, and now it's just being handed over to someone else. I told them I felt hurt and left out. My mom said I was being unfair, and that the money was never promised, and if I didn't want it for a wedding, then it made sense to use it for something meaningful.
    via u/Throwaway3568476985

  • Bringing up this secret fund just seems like a thinly-veiled attempt to manipulate our protagonist into complying by making her feel bad. 

  • 13
    My brother told me he didn't know about the wedding fund either, and he understands why I'd be upset, but said he didn't ask for it. He just wants to go to school and thought we were all trying to support each other.
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  • 14
    I know my brother worked hard and isn't trying to take anything from me. But I can't help feeling like my parents are punishing me for being practical.
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  • 15
    mavenmim NTA. Those are really <ist expectations. If they wanted to financially support you they could give you the choice of using the funds for education, or travel, a home or a wedding (that's what I've done with my daughters, who I've been saving for since they were born). But, despite it being an AH move, it
    via u/mavenmim
  • 16
    is their choice how they spend their money. And it is presumably still their money, rather than an account in your name. So in practice the AH element was telling you that it was your money in the same move that they snatched it away from you again (though it was really the <ism that underpinned that decision, which has clearly been their all along).
    via u/mavenmim
  • 17
    Throwaway3568476985 OP That's the part that really upset me. Assuming they set aside money for both of us, why is he worth paying for grad school for but I'm only worth paying for a wedding?
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  • 18
    Clean-Patient-8809 They clearly only told her about the money as punishment for not bending to their will. And it's totally unfair that they made the rule about the kids standing on their own after high school, then changing it up when the kid with a p successful at getting into a prestigious grad school. is
    via u/Clean-Patient-8809
  • 19
    Illogicat5764 the AH element was in using the money set aside for her to make her brother's life easier, when she could have used the money in the exact same way so she didn't have to take on as much in student loans.
    via u/Illogicat5764
  • 20
    I would be furious and probably cut off the parents for favouring the brother, especially in such as s t way. They would be more the a hole for not telling her, not less. Yes legally they can do what they want with the money, but they can't act like this without consequence.
    via u/Illogicat5764

  • It just seems like her parents could've used the money that they put aside for her brother without telling her, avoiding all of this drama. They wanted her to feel bad, though. 

  • 21
    SaphiraLangston Absolutely agree-The double standard here is not only deeply unfair but rooted in outdated, S st thinking.
    via u/SaphiraLangston
  • 22
    Cyber_Punk_87 Agreed, my parents offered to help out with either a downpayment on a house or a wedding. It was up to me to pick. I picked the house (although they somehow ended up paying for much of my wedding, too, but I didn't expect it).
    via u/Cyber_Punk_87
  • 23
    Winter_Dragonfly_452 NTA. Not surprised they saved it for a wedding since you are female and they won't let you use it for school or something else. But they can't let their precious golden child son go without. If I were you I would go no contact with your parents. I suspect this is a one off of your brother getting special treatment.
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  • 24
    Throwaway3568476985 OP They've never favored him like this before. I tried to point out that I paid off my student loans just fine and it wouldn't k him to have to do the same
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  • 25
    LOAN APPLICATION Personal Information Name (Last) PUBLIC Address (Mailing Address) 12345 MAIN STREET E-Mail Address APPROVED JQPJQFJQROJ QE Services needed UNDER REVIEW (Middle Initial) Home Telephone (11)11-1111 Zip) Other Telephone 999999 22 22 2222 APPLICANS UNDER REVIEW SUBJECT REVIEW Current Income Graduate Or General Education (GED) Test Passed? Yes No e completed Most recent first) Credits Earned Other Graduate Major or Subject %
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  • 26
    DramaticMatter4011 - Literally this why can't he take out a loan??
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  • 27
    ΝΤΑ Vast Responsibility6 But your mom meant to hurt you with that statement. Probably to get you to feel bad and give what they want. Your parents are AHs for ever telling you about it.
    via u/Vast_Responsibility6
  • 28
    CrankyWife NTA. But I don't believe there is a "hidden" fund. I think mom just wanted to hurt your feelings because you weren't acquiescing to her demands, and made it up.
    via u/CrankyWife

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family drama university brother mother grad school relationships parenting wedding love family education sister daughter money entitled people
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