55-year-old mom schedules family cruise right before her 30-year-old daughter's grad school graduation, forcing the family to chose which event to attend: 'Many have already said they can't afford both'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 13, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

If you were given the choice between a big, flashy vacation and attending your niece's college graduation, which would you pick? One of the options is objectively a lot more fun for you, but the other gives you a chance to make someone you love feel appreciated and special. Attending a graduation is a lot cheaper than going to Disney World, but if you can only afford to do one of those things, you might choose the more expensive fun option over the frugal, less thrilling option. After all, you can only get so much time off work to travel. 

There's a difference between skipping out on your niece or nephew's graduation and your son's or daughter's. I don't care how many credit card vacation points you have; as a parent, you have a duty to support your children in their significant life accomplishments, barring some major catastrophe that prevents it.

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  • 01

    AITAH for calling my mother out on trying to compete with and ruining my graduation?

    I (30 F) have always had the nagging feeling my mom (55 F) is either jealous of me or competing with me. As a young adult, my mom did not go to college and never lived in her own. She went from living with my grandparents, to married, back to my
    via u/Successful_Twist9822

  • The mother in this story tried to persuade the rest of the family not to attend her own daughter's graduation. Instead of waiting a year to plan a cruise, she decided to do so smack dab in the middle of graduation season, making it financially unfeasible for many family members to attend. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10516751360
    via Cody McLain

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    grandparents after the divorce, and then to my step father. At one point she was a SAHM when married to my step father and seemed to enjoy it. I on the other hand left home at 18, went to college, graduated and never went back. I've expressed in conversation that I'd never want
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 04
    to be a SAHM as I find I'd be bored. This is just to note some differences between us. I am now coming up on graduation for an advanced degree. As I attend an online school, the graduation is not in my home state. All graduations take place in Florida.
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
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    Cheezburger Image 10516762368
    via Zacqueline Baldwin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06
    Once I was told my graduation date I informed my family. Now many of my family members aren't poor but aren't well of either. Meaning they would have to save to attend graduation. I
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 07
    thought this would be a nice family vacation as 95% of my family have never been to Disney, universal, etc. I informed my family in the spring of 2024. That i will be graduating in spring of 2026. I felt this was enough notice for everyone to start saving. We are now in the
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
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    STAT JF1823 MO G F6
    via Karolina Grabowska (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    summer of 2025, my mother called all the family and told them she's planning for the entire family to go on a cruise, a month before my graduation! Many have already said they can't afford both. My mom is pushing the issue dating she really wants everyone to go. I even expressed
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 10
    to her that if people go on the cruise, they won't be able to afford my graduation. Her response was well if they really wanted to attend they'll come. Now, my mom is not struggling. like the test of our family as she married my step father who is upper middle class. Here is where
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 11
    is her I might be the AH. I finally lost it on her screaming at her problem? Why is she so h I bent on no one being there to support me. And it's not my fault she chose to take care of a man instead of gay am education.
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 12
    Nobody has really taken sides but my family has continued to express they can't afford both. My parter has said just screw my family and his family will come for my graduation. I have no idea what to do at this point and am considering getting my mom's favorite sister to talk to her. So AITAH?
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 13
    Free-Place-3930 NTA. Why do you keep beating your head against the Mom wall. Truly accept her for the j she is and be done with letting her BS upset you.
    via u/Free-Place-3930
  • 14
    Amazing-Wave4704 And for family who dont stand up to her? f em. This is deliberate. Its cruel. And anyone who dumps OP (and a really fun vacation at Disney) for main character mom can just go to hades.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • 15
    Fredxx-2025 Because she is her mother. And children regardless of age want to be loved and appreciated and valued by their mothers and fathers. Didn't you have one?
    via u/Fredxx-2025
  • 16
    TheKwongdzu I wish more people got over that by the time they were OP's age.
    via u/TheKwongdzu
  • 17
    Glittering-Set-2510 1st, CONGRATS!!! 2nd, Dr Suess said it best, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" NTA
    via u/Glittering-Set-2510
  • 18
    MyblktwttrAW Op, skip the cruise and enjoy your graduation. Yes, your mother is purposely trying to steal your spotlight. But you will shine no matter what. If they wanna go on the cruise, do not dissuade them. Your graduation is about you and for you. Nothing they do or won't do can diminish your accomplishments.
    via u/MyblktwttrAW
  • 19
    Go get that phenomenal job and enjoy your life with or without their support. Just sit back, relax, see who does what, and then treat them accordingly, especially your mom.
    via u/MyblktwttrAW
  • 20
    SLCPDSoakingDivision Tell everyone that you would love to have them at your graduation, but it's ultimately their choice. Invite your partner's family and disinvite your mother. Go low contact, and enjoy your life with those who supported and chose you.
    via u/SLCPDSoakingDivision
  • 21
    Alisa-Stoll There are cruises out of Florida every week for varying lengths. It doesn't have to be a month before your graduation. It could be just before or just after so that everyone could attend both. If your mom isn't willing to compromise that way, then your family should know what your mom is up to.
    via u/Alisa-Stoll
  • 22
    Successful Twist9822 OP The cruise won't port out of Florida. It'll be out of Galveston
    via u/Successful_Twist9822
  • 23
    Alisa-Stoll It doesn't have to be out of Galveston - Florida ports go to the same places. If the argument is that it is cheaper to go out of Galveston, then point out total cost - cruise out of Galveston plus trip to graduation is likely more expensive then one trip to Florida and cruising out of a Florida port.
    via u/Alisa-Stoll
  • 24
    TA122278 I think you're missing the point. The mother specifically scheduled the cruise she wants everyone to go on and it's leaving from Galveston purposefully so the family can't do both. She's trying to make sure the rest of the family won't go to OP graduation. Of course it doesn't HAVE to be out of Galveston instead of Florida, but the mother is the one organizing it, so she's making sure it is.
    via u/TA122278
  • 25
    downwardnote292 NTA - But just like a destination wedding, a destination graduation involves a big financial commitment for some. People are allowed to make their own financial decisions and choose where they want to use that money. I wouldn't write anyone off for not coming to the graduation. However, I would be a little pred at your mother. But you've confirmed what she's like, so you don't need to waste any more time there either.
    via u/downwardnote292

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family drama school graduation college grad mother money problems cruise college graduation motherdaughter family daughter mom family vacation vacation
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