19-year-old fraternal triplet intentionally distances herself from identical sisters after a lifetime of being left out, family refuses to accept their fault: "My sisters always called me their sister but each other twin"

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    AITA for distancing myself from my triplet sisters and family after years of feeling left out anyway?

    "They were treated more like twins than we were like triplets"
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    I'm (19f) a triplet. My sisters are identical twins and I was the fraternal twin. Even from the start my parents kind of separated me from them. My parents gave them matching names while I got a different name. They were dressed the same and I was dressed differently. They also made sure to
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    take pictures of my sisters without me but never with me and one of them. There are photos of us together and of us individually but there was always a greater emphasis put on them being identical and they were treated more like twins than we were like triplets.
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    Cheezburger Image 10519592704
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    Then other people would pair them and leave me out. They got referred to as twins a lot and as a collective we'd be twins (them) with their sister (me). It always made me feel kinda sl
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    Sometimes people genuinely did not know we were triplets but others did but because of how matchy they were and because I was always different it was brushed over.
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    As we got older I spoke up more about feeling left out. My parents would tell me I was being silly and I was just as loved and wanted as my sisters. But that was about it. They always dismissed it or laughed it off. My sisters would say it wasn't their fault or it wasn't a big deal.
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    Some of our (but more like their) friends would make fun of the fact I wasn't really a part of the set. I was just there. A few of them even pointed out how my sisters always called me their sister but each
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    other their twin. Back then I always tried to emphasis the triplet part and stopped when I realized I was on my own and it just made things weird or awkward. The only time my sisters seemed
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    to care about me being left out was when people were actually wanting to see "the triplets". Then they'd get upset if I was doing something. But I got so used to being almost ignored that I did step back sometimes.
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    Cheezburger Image 10519591936
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    A few months before graduation I tried to sit my family down and talk about how hurt I was to feel left out and even pushed aside. I say try because I didn't get to finish before being called silly and being asked where it was coming from and being
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    talked over when I tried to explain. My sisters told me I just needed to let it go. That they always included me regardless so what was the big deal. But them including me often meant ignoring that I was there while dragging me after them.
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    When we graduated they went to the same college and I went to a different college. They didn't include me in college talk so I didn't see a reason to chase after them. In college I've grown so much and made
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    better friends. Friends who like and want to be around me and don't treat me like the extra who has to be there but isn't really wanted. I went to my grandparents for Christmas instead of my parents and had a nice Christmas with them. And this summer I'm actually staying with a friend from college and we're both working.
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    My family only realized a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't coming home and they reached out to ask me when I'd be home. I told them I wasn't. Then I got asked by my sisters why I didn't call or text and I
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    asked why they didn't. They said I always did that stuff. I said exactly. I always did it. Never them. Even when we lived together I'd be the one checking in with them. But I'm done doing that now.
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    All four (sisters and parents) are saying I'm being weird and accusing me of distancing myself from my fellow triplets and how we NEED to be together to keep that bond strong. I told them I was done
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    being treated like I'm silly for feeling left out. And now I'm getting texts almost every day from my sisters saying I'm being childish. This is the most they initiated contact with me all year and honestly since we were younger kids when they at least acted like I was their triplet.
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    Cheezburger Image 10519592192
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    I know this might sound weird to most people. I know some twins and triplets struggle with having their own identity and not being tied to their twins/
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    triplets. So I get that being in my shoes might sound great to some. But it felt so lonely and like I could disappear and nobody would notice. And nobody really has noticed my absence until now.
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    WaryScientist NTA - just tell them they're being silly and they need to let it go. You're treating them the way you've been treated, and if they have an issue, they only have themselves to blame.
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    Brave_anonymous1 Tell your parents that they taught you to treat people, especially family, this way. And you appreciate how consistent they were about it for 18 years.
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    Now, as an adult, you can not change the values you grew up with. It will be awfully disrespectful to them and just too late.
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    pokeyeahmon Don't forget to dismiss it or laugh it off. Say it wasn't your fault or it isn't a big deal. :)
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    fiestafan73 They want the bond without any of the emotional labor that comes with it. Keep establishing your own individual life. NTA.
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    Bitter-Paramedic-531 NTA. An unintended consequence of your approach is that they are finally paying attention. They may not be ready to say it out loud yet, but the penny might be dropping. Carry on building your own life, keep contact on your terms, and hang up / walk away if they start minimising your feelings or calling you childish.
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    Also, just keep in mind that the fault really lies with your parents. Your sisters learned their behaviour from them.
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    jasminemidnightbloom Your mom dressed them the same and not you? That breaks my heart for you. NTA.
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    SensitiveSparkle0909 OP Both of my parents did. Even their coming home from the hospital outfits were identical and mine was different. Birthday parties and weddings were the same way too. They were dressed the same and I was different. Matching sets of kids jewelry and a different set for me.

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