38-year-old stepmom plans a 10-day family vacation without 16-year-old stepdaughter Kayla, dad grows furious and refuses to exclude daughter: "She'll spend the whole trip sulking"

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 11, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

You can't help who you fall in love with, but you do have a say over who you choose to commit to. Sometimes a person who seems perfect for you on paper isn't actually as compatible with you in practice. Perhaps, in a vacuum, you could work out together, but that's just not how life works. Once you commit to a person, you also accept them as a complete package – not just who they are with you in private. That means that their boundaries, their priorities, their values, their family, and their baggage are their own; you can't change that. You cannot be in a relationship with a person that is removed from the context of their life.
In our story today, a woman finds it oddly surprising that her husband prioritizes his daughter from a previous marriage over her. Instead of agreeing to go on a 10-day couples vacation, he becomes furious at the suggestion of excluding his daughter from the trip. It's like he forgot that she chose to marry a committed father. Scroll down to read the full story.

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  • 01

    AITA for not wanting my stepdaughter to come on our vacation because she's made it clear she can't stand me?

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    88 r/AITAH u/Significant Two_1174 .7h AITA for not wanting my stepdaughter to come on our vacation because she's made it clear she can't stand me?
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  • 03
    I (38F) have been married to my husband (42M) for four years. He has one daughter, "Kayla" (16F), from a previous marriage. I
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  • 04
    don't have kids of my own, but I've always tried to be kind and supportive in my role as a stepmom.
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  • 05
    Kayla has never warmed up to me. I didn't expect instant love or bonding, but over the past few years, it's become painfully clear
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  • 06
    she actively dislikes me. She's never been openly aggressive, but she's cold, sarcastic, and constantly undermines me.
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  • 07
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  • 08
    Some examples: • She never says my name, just refers to me as "her" or "your wife." She tells my husband things like, "You were happier before you met her," or
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  • 09
    "She's just pretending to care." • Any time I plan something-dinner, a movie, even helping decorate for the holidays—she rolls her eyes, refuses to participate, or finds a reason to criticize it. . She tells her friends
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  • 10
    that I'm fake or that I "insert myself where I don't belong." • She'll be perfectly polite when my husband is around, but the moment he leaves the room, she turns cold again.
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  • 11
    I've tried everything: being warm, giving her space, inviting her to things without pressure, even directly (and kindly) asking if we could talk about what's bothering her. She always shrugs me off or shuts it down.
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  • 12
    Now here's the issue: we're planning a vacation this summer. My husband and I have both worked hard and saved up, and we were planning a 10-day trip to the coast ―our first real vacation in years.
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  • 13
    I told him that, as much as it hurts to say, I don't want Kayla to come. I know that sounds horrible. But I feel like she'll spend the whole trip sulking, making snide
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  • 14
    comments, and icing me out. It's exhausting trying to be around someone who clearly doesn't want me there—and honestly, I'd rather this trip be something relaxing for once.
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  • 15
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  • 16
    He's furious and says I'm excluding his daughter and "drawing a line in the sand." I told him he's welcome to take a separate trip
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  • 17
    with her, or we can all do something together later, but this one time, I want to go without the cold war energy.
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  • If they want to plan a couples getaway, they can. But it sounds like this vacation was supposed to be for the family. 

  • 18
    Now he's barely talking to me, and Kayla is upset and is staying at her moms house for a while because she said she feels unwanted and unloved when all I ever tried to is make her feel the opposite.
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  • 19
    So Reddit, AITA for not wanting my stepdaughter on this trip because she clearly hates me and I'm tired of pretending. otherwise?
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  • Needless to say, excluding her from the trip will certainly not engratiate her to Kayla by any means.

  • 20
    ilovespaceack YTA. You should never have gotten married if she was so resistant. Think about it - you
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  • 21
    became a part of her life without her permission. You're the problem, not her reaction. If anything, him and her should go away without you.
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  • 22
    Single_Cancel_4873 ESH Did you really expect your husband to be on board with this idea? Now you have made the relationship worse.
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  • 23
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  • 24
    Teens aren't great to their parents some days. I have a 17 year old that doesn't love family vacations.. but I still bring the child.
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  • 25
    PeppaGrr Not wanting her, there is one thing, but cutting her out is another. When you get married you marry into their family also. You should have had this discussion with your husband about her being a b n earlier.
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  • 26
    13ex_G Yta sorry but you can't marry a guy with a minor kid and the put a boundary of not being around them. They are a package deal and no parent wants their partner to make plans excluding the kid.
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  • 27
    Photobuff42 Perhaps the vacation should be tabled and the money spent on family therapy.
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  • 28
    Suggestion Odd6657 She's 16. Some of these issues would be happening if you birthed her. Believe me I raised 3 daughters.
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  • 29
    Ok_Maintenance7716 I can't imagine someone feeling unloved or unwanted after being told they are not welcome on the family vacation.
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  • 30
    theclosetenby Right? OP also said she "thinks" she "forgot" to tell daughter it was only her that doesn't want daughter to go. So daughter thinks her dad also doesn't like her or want her around lol
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  • 31
    Lazy-Background-7598 "she's cold, sarcastic, and constantly undermines me" lol. It's clear you've never been around kids. This is to typical teenage behavior. Yeah. But punish her and see how that goes. She's a child and you CANT be the bigger person?
    via u/Lazy-Background-7598

Tags

family drama marriage married with children teenagers stepmom selfish relationships parenting raising teens divorce family raising kids Parenting Fail entitled people vacation
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