Update: 28-year-old man paying parent's internet and Disney+ bills rescinds financial generosity when he's excluded from brother's wedding, drama from the past resurfaces: "My mother felt I rejected them"

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 26, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Weddings can sometimes bring out the best or the worst from families. Behind the veil of meretricious smiles and makeup valor, families can actually and easily be torn apart from weddings. Maybe you're one of those with an overbearing mother in law who wants to control everything about your dress, to the food, to the location. Maybe it's not even a mother in law but your ow mother who's trying to dictate your hair length, your dress, and whether or not you'll have a lovely band there. Weddings tend to make type A people spiral, and tend to make type B people relax a little too much. Wedding planning and participation takes skill, conscious, time, effort, and of course, money.

There's nothing wrong with a low key wedding. As long as you feel confident and comfortable in your happy day, no one can tell you you can't enjoy yourself. But what if you choose not to invite certain members of your family to certain things? That's where the real trouble begins.

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  • 01

    Update: AITA for skipping my brother's wedding because I wasn't invited to the engagement party?

    Cheezburger Image 10533657088
    via Rido / Canva

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  • 02
    Thank you to everyone who responded to my last post. I can't believe how many replies it got and I tried keeping up, but
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  • 03
    couldn't. I also thought it'd be 50/50 NTA and YTA, because | know what I did was a bit petty.
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  • 04
    For those who didn't read my last post, the thick of it is that I was specifically not invited to my twin's engagement party,
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  • 05
    specifically not included in the wedding party, and I chose not to attend after being iced out for the past year.
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  • 06
    To the people who said YTA, I understand your reasons. Yes, it was cowardly to not RSVP to avoid drama, but looking back I was in a head space where I'd just
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    Cheezburger Image 10533656832
    via Jeremy Wong from Pexels / Canva

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  • 08
    cave to the guilt if I RSVP'ed that I wasn't planning to attend. Also, a little part of me was hoping they'd realize I didn't RSVP and they tell me they want me to
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  • 09
    come. But every day that passed between the RSVP date and the wedding I got angrier and more hurt and I wanted to make it clear
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  • 10
    in a big way that if they don't want me around I don't have to be around. And I get that's an AH move.
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  • 11
    I had a long phone call with my aunt and cousin last night about the wedding drama. They have given me some more info and our
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    suspicions are a bit of conjecture based on what we know and what we've heard, but here it goes.
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  • 13
    We really do think my mother felt I rejected them when I didn't move back after graduating. This is despite always coming home
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    for my brother and sister's graduations, all birthdays (mine and immediate family's), holidays, special events, etc. I practically visit on a monthly basis. But
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    despite this, we think that she has some weird vendetta against me for splitting up her family and being an example to my siblings that they don't have to stay local.
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    Even worse, somehow visiting so often made my mother resentful because my aunt mentioned that my mother once told her a few years ago that I was "flaunting"
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  • 17
    my wealth by showing I could visit so often. Thanks to my senior-year internship, I went immediately into a field where progression can be quick and
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    thanks to going back for a very specialized master's degree, I am in a very niche space within that field and was able to move up
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    faster. I'm not bragging, it was just luck, connections, and a great mentor early on.
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    People suggested my brother might be jealous. He does earn less, but as far as I know he loves his job. It just doesn't have the same career progression.
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  • 21
    Honestly, his job is much more exciting than mine and I'm sure it fulfills him a lot more. My job isn't terrible, it's just not one anyone wants to hear work stories about at a dinner party, LOL.
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  • 23
    I was also flaunting my money by gifting family money when they needed it. My grandfather often said, "Never loan family money.
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    Give it freely if you want to, but you'll destroy relationships when you start asking for repayment." Not a week of Judge Judy reruns goes by without proving that
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    true. So when I could, I gifted my family money when they needed it. Money for car repairs, money to help with my parents' mortgage when my dad was out
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    , money of work during when my brother ran out halfway through his kitchen renovations. And until last night, my parents' internet and Disney+ bills, but
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    I've now cancelled the monthly autopayments. Again, this was me flaunting my success. But they never stopped asking, either.
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  • 28
    My aunt and cousin also said they've heard lots of passive- aggressive comments about me over the years. First from my mother during the first few years after I decided to stay in Portland
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  • 29
    and then eventually from my siblings. We're pretty sure my mother slowly poisoned them against me for not moving back home and showing what happens if they ever tried to move away.
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  • 30
    Someone said this about my mother meeting my girlfriend in my previous post: TBH, given the context of everything else that's happened, what your mother said here about "finally finding someone
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  • 31
    who can put up with you" sounds less like a tongue- in-cheek joke and more like a not-so-subtle barb. I see it now. I laughed it off as just my mom's humor, but I now also see that these passive-aggressive comments to me, to my siblings, over years was subtle
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  • 32
    manipulation to turn them against me and for me to learn to accept it. A lot of people suggested this treatment was to get me to move back home and to punish me for leaving, but I'm
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  • 33
    not going to come home to embrace treatment like this and hope it goes away now that they got their way. Especially when it's been too engrained in them by now.
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  • 34
    It also explains why for the past few years almost every conversation is initiated by me. They simply don't like me anymore and don't need me until they need or want something.
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