17-year-old goes no contact with mother when she fails to attend dance recital for the second time, mom desperately tries to win back her love: “My grandparents say I’m allowed to set boundaries”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 27, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Are you the kind of person who obsequiously remains stoic and loyal when you've put your foot down about something? Or are you the type to waver in between stubborn pride and betraying your own words? I know that for myself, I have a really hard time staying true to what seems like a meaningful and eternal life decision that I'm ranting about for days and hours on end, and my scathing words for or against someone or something soon becomes ephemeral mist in the scant silence that surrounds me in my rage. 

For me, I can easily be persuaded in one direction or the other. In times of heightened emotions, I tend to say really outrageous things, and to promise all sorts of immoralities upon the rest of my days. My friends already know by now to just smile and nod at my ridiculous rants. In the story below, the protagonist is tired of empty promises. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for only giving my mom one more chance to show me she wants to be there for me and saying no emergency getting in the way will make me give her another chance?

    Cheezburger Image 10534112512
    via Zinkevych from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My parents got divorced 16 years ago. I (17f) was 1. It was a messy breakup and they still don't like being around each other. That's
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  • 03
    something I didn't figure out until I was older. My dad's still single and it's just me and him. And for the last 18 months I've lived with him full time.
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  • 04
    My mom's remarried. She married a guy with four kids who lost his wife. My mom decided she'd step up and mother them. But from what I see his oldest, who's 6
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  • 05
    months younger than me, gets the most attention and is prioritized more. It started out in small ways. Mom told me she'd have less time for me now, which I expected, and she said things
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  • 06
    needed to be planned moving forward because her attention had to be split five ways instead of me getting all of it.
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  • 07
    That wasn't easy and mom didn't really try to check on me. She expected me to be okay with it. But after a few months of spending less time with her, I
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  • 08
    noticed it wasn't just less but she was canceling plans with me because she was doing them with the oldest stepkid. She had us both in different activities and she
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  • 09
    prioritized taking her stepdaughter to activities instead of me. She started staying to cheer her on or just to wait when no other parents stayed. I started
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  • 10
    going with friends or my dad would come and take me. Then when two things between us clashed, like I was in dance and had recitals and her stepdaughter
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  • 11
    played sports and had a game, and mom would always pick the game or whatever her stepdaughter had.
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  • 12
    4
    via RiomarBruno from pixabay / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    I brought it up to mom and she denied it for months but then she was like I'm sorry, I'm doing my best, please don't hate me and let's make this work. But then
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  • 14
    something would come up. One time it was one stepkids broke a leg, was in the ER and mom needed to pick up another stepkid from somewhere. Another
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  • 15
    time it was the rest of the kids were sick and one needed to be picked up from something and her husband was staying with the kids. And then it was her
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  • 16
    husband's friend or something dd and she needed to stay with the kids. I can't tell you how many times someone was sick or someone d d and she couldn't work on our relationship.
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  • 17
    So I asked mom why she didn't get someone else to take her stepdaughter and come support me, show up for me. She asked me if that would make it better and I said it was a start. She said
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  • 18
    she would and right up until I was supposed to leave she never told me she was going with her stepdaughter but next time it would be me. I missed my classes because I'd have been too late
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  • 19
    with nobody close by enough to get me and take me. The next time for me never came.
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  • 20
    But she did take me for milkshakes once or twice and then had to leave early for something stepkid related. And when me and her stepdaughter
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  • 21
    each had something come up out of state, mom prioritized her stepdaughter's thing. And my dad had to fight super hard to get mom to agree to him taking me.
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  • 22
    She said I should be with the rest of them for her stepdaughter's thing and I could miss one thing. It was very last minute and my dance teacher had to make an
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  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10534111488
    via Yuganov Konstantin / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 24
    exception for me not being on the list to go by the deadline. When mom realized how mad I was at her for it she broke down and apologized and she told me I
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  • 25
    had two parents and her stepkids had lost their mom. I told her she still fought against dad taking me and she told me she wasn't thinking clearly.
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  • 26
    When I chose to live full time with dad my mom acted like it was a huge surprise. She has attempted several times to make it up to me but failed every time, mostly because her stepdaughter
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  • 27
    needed her or some other emergency illness or death or whatever. And I know emergencies are when you need to be accommodating but why do they always happen to me?
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  • 28
    Maybe they're not actual emergencies and just excuses. So a few months ago I told mom I was done. She begged me repeatedly to change my mind. Even love bombed me with so many gifts and I love you's and all the things I'd have loved for her
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  • 29
    to say over the years she was putting me last. In the end I decided to give her one more chance and I told her I have a dance contest coming up and I want her to be there and if she doesn't come for any reason then it's over. It's local so it should in theory be easy. She said she'd be
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  • 30
    there but now her MIL on hospice and she told me she needed to let me know because she could go at any time. I told her my one last chance still stands because closer to the time she could tell me her stepkids needed her or her husband did and the woman could still be alive.
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  • 31
    She's saying I'm being unfair. Dad said I didn't even need to give her one last chance. My mom's parents say I'm allowed to set boundaries if I want and they won't be mad if I don't make exceptions for emergencies. But
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  • 32
    mom keeps saying I need to understand her MIL is a big deal and I just can't find it in me to care. Does that make me TA?
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