Divorced parents send 2 kids to college, dad refuses to pay $30k per child that ex-wife asks for: 'Through my teaching job, my kids can attend private college for free'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 9, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

It is common knowledge that in the United States, a college education usually doesn't come cheap. In fact, the price of learning often runs into tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars. Most high schoolers hoping to experience the privilege of further education have to rely on a mixture of scholarships, savings, loans, and family generosity if they want any chance of affording it. 

To put it mildly, it is not the most accessible of educational systems, and it is common for the expense of college to put pressure on whole families. It leaves many parents with the dilemma of how far they are willing to go to help their kids get the education that they want. Moving out of home for the first time is enough pressure without the finances causing an issue, too. However, many families struggle with this nonetheless.

With the way things are, there is a huge benefit to wannabe college students being related to somebody who can get them a free ride with tuition. Still, problems can arise if that doesn't end up being at their preferred college.

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  • 01

    AITA for not paying 1/3 of my salary for my kids’ college?

    Both my kids are in college. Through my teaching job, my kids can attend my private college ($55k plus tuition) for free, or one of our exchange colleges for close to free. My kids don't like any of the colleges in the list, including mine.
    via Crowdev1138

  • For one father and teacher, the pressure got too much when his ex asked if he would be willing to split the cost of their two kids attending state college. He worked at a private university, which made both of them eligible to go there or one of its partner colleges with free tuition.

    However, the students decided they didn't like any of these options, so their mom confirmed to them that they could go to the state school. With costs totally $30k per child, the dad was not on board and considering a rejection of the proposal—especially as he would be splitting the cost with his ex, who earned less than he did. He wanted to know if he was being unreasonable.

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    Cheezburger Image 10540337920
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    My ex wife is proposing that it is fair to pay the amount of our state college's tuition plus room and board (though they could live at home if they attended there). The cost is $30k per kid, which means $30k each for my ex and I. $30k is over a third of my annual salary. My ex has already told the kids that this is a done deal. I will pay, she said, "whatever you decide to pay" and she will "somehow take care of the rest." So clearly the expectation is (if I'm not a total and half. ) that I wil
    via Crowdev1138
  • 04
    She makes less than I do. I don't want to pay any of it. I stuck with this job in part for the benefits. The tuition benefit, specifically. I also don't want to say "okay I'll pay $5k per kid per year because they could be going for free and they chose not to," because then I'm the ah le. But... am I the a_h_le? Help. I feel like a stingy j would really like to have some boundaries. but I
    via Crowdev1138
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    via Josh Hild (Unsplash+)
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    via Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦
  • 07

    Commenters agreed with the father's point of view.

    EffectiveOne236 NTA. College is a privilege, not a right. Your kids have the opportunity to go for free or next to free but they don't want to do it, then they can pay their own way. Why is your ex wife making unilateral decisions about your finances? She wants to let her mouth write checks she can't cash, that's a her problem. You provided your children with a great opportunity, you already did your part.
    via EffectiveOne236
  • 08
    resident910 Yeaah they had a solid free option and choosing not to take it means they take on the cost. No way should a parent be guilted into paying a third of their salary for that.
    via resident910
  • 09
    jigfox College is a privilege, not a right That ist so sad, that it is this way. In Germany and other Europe Countries education is a right. In Germany the tuition is almost nothing compared to what you need to pay. And you can even apply for money from the Government for the basic needs like Housing and food, if you can't afford to go to college or university otherwise.
    via jigfox
  • 10
    Somerlouise My parents both worked at a university- one of their benefits was 50% off tuition for dependents. As they both worked there tuition was free. That university wasn't my first choice but as I was not going to have to pay any tuition I never even considered going anywhere else. ΝΤΑ
    via Somerlouise
  • 11
    Muted-Condition-4299 NTA. Honestly, I think it's time to bring the kids into the mathematics of it all. My sister really wanted to go out of state. Once she realized exactly how much that would cost and how much it would either impact our parents to pay out of pocket, or put herself in debt, she opted for in- state. Same with my SIL. She wanted to go out of state and get an Education degree. Once they had her do the math and see that she would be in debt for like...ever...due to the low salary,
    via Muted-Condition-4299
  • 12
    I've got another family friend whose daughter is opting to live at home for the first two years then transfer later without them even needing a conversation because she is already very aware of what the cost means. I also have plenty of other friends that are still in debt 10 years later who wish they did it differently. They didn't know their parents signed for federal loans in their behalf or what it would mean in the long run. All they knew is that they got a nice place to stay, an allowance
    via Muted-Condition-4299
  • 13
    Your kids need to start understanding how their decisions affect themselves and others. College is a completely optional activity to do as an adult and it has both good and bad long term consequences. It's time they start understanding all facets of that decision. Starting with finances.
    via Muted-Condition-4299
  • 14
    Creative Dark5165 If they want to go to college that is not free then they pay for it. Do NOT go i to debt for an u dergrad degree. Your kids are being really entitled
    via Creative_Dark5165
  • 15
    sheramom4 INFO: What are the reasons the kids are against attending any of the options? Are they religious schools? Do they not offer the programs the kids are interested in?
    via sheramom4
  • 16
    Crowdev1138 Both of them want to go into the sciences, and they say none of the list schools are "good enough." I don't think the first four year degree matters in terms of what institution you attend (as long as the degree has the standard foundational curriculum for their next degree step), but they think it matters. They're also very picky about location, etc.
    via Crowdev1138
  • 17
    NomadicusRex NTA at all. Your kids are acting like total choosing beggars when turning down a free education because they figure you'll take on the burden. Tell them if they want a free education that's not included in your employment benefits, then they can join the military and go on the G.I. Bill, or take out student loans. They are simply asking too much.
    via NomadicusRex
  • 18
    Soullessrobin NTA. Your kids are adults and need to make their finincial choices and life choices. Parents paying is an optional gift. You're not required to pay for anything. Your ex is a a-h e to claim it's a done deal without talking to you.
    via SoullessR0bin
  • 19
    FairlyOddFairy333 NTA. Kids are getting more and more entitled. If they want to go to college, they can go to yours or their mum can pay 60k a year for the two of them since she is the one that misspoke.
    via FairlyOddFairy333
  • 20
    julesk NTA, tell your kids that they get a free ride at your school or companion school or they can pick a different school and get a scholarship, loans or work their way through. If they say mom said you'd pay, you tell them it's unfortunate she said that as you never agreed to it as you're not wealthy.
    via julesk
  • 21
    biglungsb tch NTA. If one of my parents had that type of benefit, I would definitely take full advantage of it. You are providing them with a stepping stool & I don't think your kids are understanding that. I seen my mom struggle so I learn to appreciate money & opportunities, my brother had it good so he thinks our mom sh*ts money lol he is now learning about money the hard way. Tough being a parent. Good luck
    via biglungsbtch
  • 22
    hesathomes NTA this is ridiculous. We don't get everything we want in life. This is apparently the kids' first experience with the concept.
    via hesathomes
  • 23
    BakeOk4021 NTA. When did it become the parents' responsibility to pay for college? I don't get that. Beggars can't be choosers. They have an option to go to a school where tuition is covered and they stick their noses up at it?? Then they can work, take out loans, apply for scholarships, etc. and go wherever they want.
    via BakeOk4021
  • 24
    AwareImplement1265 NTA. They can go for free or at a much lower cost. Parents do not owe their kids free college. The 1st two years all they do is party. Unless it was part of your divorce decree, forget it.
    via AwareImplement1265

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