Divorced dad asks sister to watch kids while he takes his yoga instructor to Japan, she tells him he's a 'bad dad': 'Your brother is never going to be a good person'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 26, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It's always difficult to give someone else advice, especially when they didn't ask for it. Usually, it's best to keep our advice to ourselves in these situations, but sometimes it's impossible to. And sometimes we feel like we owe it to someone else to tell somebody off. Maybe we want to stand up for our friend by giving their tormentor a little unsolicited advice. People can learn this way, and it's not all for naught. You might be saying something they've needed to hear for a long time, but nobody around them has the guts to tell them so. You just might change the trajectory of their life forever. Or you might lose a friendship forever. Maybe both. But maybe it's worth it. 

But what if the someone you want to give advice to is in your family, and what if that advice is about their parenting? That's playing with fire in a huge way. But these are the people who deserve your attention more than anyone, so maybe it behooves you to be brave. That's what one man tried to do to his brother. 

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  • A man in sunglasses stands waist-deep in a pool.
    via Unsplash+ (Kübra Arslaner)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When he saw his brother acting in a way that was not only self-destructive but destructive to his children, he felt like he had to step in. Of course, though, not everyone took the note so well. Read on for the story and see what you think about it. 

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my brother to spend more time with his kids and less time doing things like taking his yoga teacher to Japan?

    My brother got divorced last year after having an affair with a coworker at his law firm. I'm still friends with his ex, especially since she is the mother of my niece and nephew, my brother's kids, who both mean a lot to me.
    via u/olivejinnflower
  • The affair and divorce were rather rough on everyone, as could be imagined. We all live in the same area. So a few days ago he tells me that he is planning to take his Yoga instructor on a trip to Japan. But he is going to tell his kids that he will be on a work trip.
    via u/olivejinnflower
  • He asked me if I'd take his son to summer football practice, and of course I will. I like spending time with his kids (I don't have my own). But it irked me and I told him he's being kind if a bad dad. Maybe he could spend more time with his kids over the summer rather than taking a trip with his latest fling. He said that since I don't have kids I shouldn't be telling him how to parent.
    via u/olivejinnflower
  • I don't want to cause a rift between he and I, but I also think it's okay to push back a bit when I think he us being too selfish? Especially since he is asking me to cover for him.
    via u/olivejinnflower

  • Commenters weighed in on this situation.

    moo-chu 3h ago . I don't have to know how to fly a helicopter to know that if I see one in a tree someone f. ed up. Parents don't get lessons when the baby pops out. A whole lot of parents do a really sh job of it. Lots of childfree people raised siblings or other family members. Being a parent means all about skill at parenting.
    via u/moo-chu
  • Merrik4t 4h ago NTA. Your brother is never going to be a good person. Continue to be there for his kids. He will figure out his mistake when he's one less person at their weddings and they're one less person at his funeral.
    via u/Merrik4t
  • rangerstranger94723h ago - - Yes, I will take your kid to the practice. - No, I will not participate in a lie. You want a good relationship with your brother but also his ex (the mother of his children). So him asking to put you in the middle of his lies is not fair.
    via u/rangerstranger9472
  • Common Tiger1526 3h ago . NTA "don't tell me how to parent my kids" but also "parent my kids while I take a vacation"?
    via u/Common_Tiger1526
  • maliabby 4h ago . Ngl id let it slip hes going to japan for a vacation and not work to others
    via u/maliabby
  • A man relaxes in a hot tub.
    via Unsplash+ (Kübra Arslaner)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • RoyallyOakie • 4h ago NTA...If your brother is going to ask you for favours, he can put up with a little feedback. He was a cheater, and now he's being a liar. His kids deserve to be treated better.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • OutrageousSoup25... • 3h ago NTA. Imagine if his ex finds out he dipped during his time to take a woman to Japan. And lied to the kids about it. It's not a good look.
    via u/OutrageousSoup2584
  • silfy... 4h ago Edited 3h ago NTA Does their divorce have a clause, specifically "the right of first refusal"? Even if not, most parents I know would love/prefer more time with their kids
    via u/silfy_star
  • If so, then his ex should have been contacted to see if she wanted to keep the kids first, not you. Personally I believe that you should ask him if he asked the ex first, if not tell him that you are willing, but he needs to ask her first then you can be the backup. If he refuses, then I say you get the kids involved
    via u/silfy_star
  • Random, has he taken his children on any trips or is he spending all his resources on the women he's with? ETA: to the person making comments about dad informing kids about his s is wrong with you life,
    via u/silfy_star
  • I never said that, as a parent myself I don't bother lying. about things like this to my ex or our son, and my ex is the same. It's either a work trip or a vacation, there is no reason to lie about it being a work trip unless dad doesn't do these kinds of things for his children, and as such it makes sense why he'd lie. Children don't need details but also don't need to be lied to, they're humans and deserve honesty
    via u/silfy_star
  • OriginalSchmidt1 • 3h ago NTA, I had the same issue with my brother and I just refused to watch his kid and told him he only has his son 2 weekends a month and he is old enough to plan around that and spend time with his son.. never had an issue again and that was that.
    via u/OriginalSchmidt1
  • Also f ed up of him to lie to his children.. they are going through enough, he should really be trying to win back their trust and earning their forgiveness for blowing up the family..
    via u/OriginalSchmidt1
  • Treehousehunter 3h ago NTA but your brother doesn't want to keep this a secret from his kids. He wants to keep it a secret from his ex, likely because he fought for 50/50 but now that the ink is dry on child support, the ex is picking up his slack.
    via u/Treehousehunter
  • symbionica 3h ago ks, that is So your brothers obvious. Probably s ks enough to not let you spend time with his kids if you make too big a stink (seems like the type of person who would punish you by punishing them).
    via u/symbionica
  • The part that bothers me is you agreeing to cover for him. I think this is the part the makes you complicit in his parenting, by enabling it so easily for him. Do you often bend to his will? He seems incredibly manipulative. In this instance he is manipulating you AND the kids (they're gonna think he's a great dad and that it's okay to leave your kids if it's for work. Yikes).
    via u/symbionica
  • When we let a h les dictate our actions, we also kinda become You need to stand up for yourself and if he takes it out on the kids, just be on stand-by in case they come to you of their own volition (call you or whatever). You're stuck between a rock and a hard place here, either way the kids get hurt (because of him, not you).
    via u/symbionica
  • To answer your question, NTA for saying something, but now you need to work on setting clear boundaries with him (like you won't be covering for him anymore).
    via u/symbionica
  • goddessofspite ⚫ 3h ago NTA but I'd be clear just cause he's a liar you won't be so if asked you're not covering for him and will tell the full truth. So if the kids ask about the business trip you will tell them the truth he will then have to face being a liar to his kids. Also while I
    via u/goddessofspite
  • would never tell someone how to parent a child as I'm not a parent myself I would point out he's not actually parenting he's ditching so that's a big difference
    via u/goddessofspite
  • paddlingtipsy • 3h ago NTA, I couldn't imagine leaving my kids for 12 days, doubly so if they didn't live. with me! He does need a wake up call, don't listen to all the emotionally damaged commentators here. He's your brother and if you can't give him a wake up call what kind of sibling would you be!
    via u/paddlingtipsy
  • Affectionate-Leg26... . 3h ago NTA. You can give your unsolicited advice on his behavior. He's heard you and he will either take the advice or not and it sounds like he won't. A rift will only form if you keep bringing it up without being asked about it.
    via u/Affectionate-Leg2662
  • . Low_Age4229 · 3h ago NTA. You're expressing your opinion to your brother. But don't go stirring up trouble intentionally. I'm assuming the ex knows he's on a trip and they've readjusted their custody time accordingly.
    via u/Low_Age4229
  • Or are the kids staying with you during his time and you're supposed to not tell anyone the kids aren't with dad? Is he asking you to lie for him?
    via u/Low_Age4229

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childcare Babies aita infant kids affair moms parenting dad Japan divorce cute kids trip reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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