Stepmom invites herself to mother-son dinner with 15-year-old stepson's football team, biomom wants her to stay away: 'This is going to be really really hard for you'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 20, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Defining a stepparent-stepchild relationship can be difficult work. One or both of you might be reluctant to overstep. Maybe you don't put that much stock into the relationship, or maybe you become so close that it's like having another parent. It's different for every pair. It depends on when you met, both of your personalities, the circumstances of the whole ordeal, and so much more. And it's something that can and will change over time. Not every relationship will stay the same. Maybe you get closer or draw farther apart based on incidents that come up in your life. This can definitely include dealing with the kid's biological parents. Maybe the waters get muddy when certain events in the child's life come up. Do they want everyone to be in attendance? Does it matter what the child thinks? What is the best course of action to avoid drama? 

These questions come up time and time again in every blended family, and you have to find your way around them. That's what came up in this story, when a mother was forced to make a difficult decision. 

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  • A mother kisses her son on the cheek.
    via Yan Laurichesse

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When her child's stepmother wanted to be involved in her son's mother-son event, she initially bristled. “I'm his mom, so I'm the one who gets to attend these events,” she thought. But she opened up the problem to commenters, and they pointed her in a different direction. Read on to see what happened.

  • AITA if I tell my son's step mother she cant go to a mother/son dinner?

    So my 15 year old son has a mother and son dinner event with his football team. I'm obviously planning to go as it'd be nice bonding time and well..im his mother.
    via u/Little_Entrance_8679
  • Today, my son told me that my ex's wife was planning to go but she didnt say a word to me about it. In all honesty, I dont want her to go. Yes, shes been in my son's life the passed like 5 years or so but shes not his mom nor did she have the respect to call/text me and ask how I felt about it. Would I be TA if I politely told her I didn't want her to go? Im just really conflicted.
    via u/Little_Entrance_8679

  • Commenters had some tough advice for her.

    No-Assignment5538 14h ago . YTA. This is going to be really really hard for you: You are not the one who gets to make this choice. It is about what your son wants. Does he want you there? her? both of you? IF your son wants her there, you need to respect that.
    via u/No-Assignment5538
  • keesouth 14h ago Do whatever your son wants to do. She can come to as many events she wants to but she'll never take your place. Always remember your kid only benefits when more people love him.
    via u/keesouth
  • SigSauerPower320 14h ago YTA 1. It's your son's event. HE gets to choose who attends, not you. 2. Again, it's your son's event.... If you're unsure as to how to go about this, maybe ask your son what he thinks.
    via u/SigSauerPower320
  • 3. I find it funny that you'd assume your son would not only not want her there, but also that he's okay with you making decisions like this without his input. You say "she didn't have the respect to ask". Maybe she did... Maybe she asked the person she should be asking... Your son.
    via u/SigSauerPower320
  • New_Beach1011 · 14h ago This is your son's event. It depends how he feels about it. Who does he want there? How many can go? I don't think you get the final say when he has two maternal figures in his life. YTA
    via u/New_Beach1011
  • ADHDmom75 14h ago . What does your son want. This dinner is about him, not you, not her.
    via u/ADHDmom75
  • Ok_Solid_1608 · 14h ago • I think it's reasonable to feel a little territorial with regards to something that is intended for a mother/son. Have you asked your son what he wants? | think that would be my starting point for determining next steps...
    via u/Ok_Solid_1608
  • Antique_Elk7826 · 14h ago Who does your son want to go with? Seems like that is the relevant question to ask.
    via u/Antique_Elk7826
  • A mother embraces her teenage son in the car.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • SnooConfections11... 13h ago • What you want does not matter. I want you to go and read that back until you understand that your son's feelings and wants are the only ones that matter here. Your not the a yet, but if you make this call without finding out what your child, the one the dinner event is for, what they want then yeah hard ah territory.
    via u/SnooConfections1185
  • . PushPopNostalgia 13h ago YTA. It's your son's choice. Please make sure to ask him what he wants. I had a friend who hated how she was treated like some prize or possession to be won between her dad and step dad.
    via u/PushPopNostalgia
  • Objective-Monitor... . 13h ago You are his mother and have every right to go and not want her there, but does your son want her to go? Does he have a good relationship with her? You might want to take into consideration his feelings, too. She unfortunately is apart of his family now, and
    via u/Objective-Monitor391
  • as much as you might not like her, you will probably cross paths a lot in his life and is it really worth starting something over this. If she is horrible to your son and makes his life at his dads difficult, then she definitely shouldn't go. But talk to your son first.
    via u/Objective-Monitor391
  • . Busy-Turn3546 • 13h ago Have a conversation with your son, the dinner is about him, not you. If he wants her there, you should support it if he doesn't support that too.
    via u/Busy-Turn3546
  • Mandiezie1 • 13h ago NTA for feeling blindsided BUT did your son ask her to come too? If she invited herself, she should've definitely communicated but if he asked, make sure you don't impose your feelings on him and allow him the space to make the choice. You'll win cool points with him for hearing him out and valuing his opinion
    via u/Mandiezie1
  • Third Coast Best Co... 13h ago How old is your son? Seems like she overstepped in this situation unless your son asked her to go. Did your son invite her? Did she invite herself? Again, how old is he. My boys played football when they were little all the way to college. You've gotta take into consideration his feelings now that he's aware she planned to go.
    via u/ThirdCoastBestCoast
  • TequilaMockingbir... • 13h ago American schools really need to quit with this mother/son father/daughter crop. There are so many kids with parents who have to work, being raised by family members other than parents, same s parents etc and it alienates them. If it's bring a family member just say that rather than singling out kids with non traditional families
    via u/TequilaMockingbird80

  • The mother came back with an edit to her story.

    Edit: Thank you for your comments!! You made me realize that it's not really my event, that its my son's so he should decide. He said he'd like us both to go which is perfectly fine with me. Im human and my feelings clouded my judgement. I actually really appreciate Reddit for this. Sometimes you just cant see the entire picture. Thanks guys!
    via u/Little_Entrance_8679
  • poyorick 13h ago . Wow. Good on you for following your son's lead. It can often be challenging to have a generous heart and I salute you for it.
    via u/poyorick
  • Annual_Version_62....13h ago I just saw this with the edit and haven't read any responses. As a mom who had to "share" my daughter... you did good. You knew the answer before you came here. Otherwise you would have just told her no. And while we'd give our lives for our children, sharing anything that has the word "mom" in it tears at our soul. But we s it up because we put our kids first. You did good. k
    via u/Annual_Version_6250
  • And, having been there, done that, they DO fully understand one day. And there will be a hidden conversation within a conversation where they will tell you... you did good.
    via u/Annual_Version_6250
  • Ok-Bus-6331 • 13h ago Holy cow! Someone who's mature on reddit. Amazing!
    via u/Ok-Bus-6331
  • Mirvb 13h ago . Good update. Congrats And remember,...your son can never have too many people that love and support him. He's lucky to have a bonus mom who loves him and who he appreciates and wants in his life. He's a person not a possession that someone owns or gate keeps.
    via u/Little_Entrance_8679
  • Someone else loving and supporting him does not take away from you., your relationship with him or the fact that you're his mom. Appreciate this woman for what she does for your son and don't look to nitpick every move she makes. She didn't run it by you? So what. Maybe she already knew your son wanted her there and that's all that matters- as you discovered.
    via u/Mirvb
  • Appreciate that there may come a time when your son needs someone and you can't be there in the moment but bonus mom can. Think of how wonderful it is for your son to have an extra adult in his life that he can count on when he needs someone. View her as your ally not your competition.
    via u/Mirvb

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childcare teens stepmother aita kids teenagers blended family stepmom moms parenting dad cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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