Fiancé protests when partner refuses to use $600 of 15-year-old son's social security benefits to contribute towards rent: 'It feels like he's trying to make me subsidize the household'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 19, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Getting into a relationship with somebody who already has kids can be complex no matter what age they are. A lot of care must be taken in introducing a new partner into a child's life, and more often than not, that partner has an obligation to build a bond and establish appropriate boundaries.

Unfortunately, many people know all too well that this often does not happen with kids and their parents' partners. Sometimes they are seen as nothing more than a nuisance, and other times, an opportunity to be exploited with little thought for the effect that it might have on the child. If there is money involved, there is a big chance that a potential stepparent has their eye on it, and it is up to the biological parent to protect the interests of their kids. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but it is nonetheless important as a parent.

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  • a closeup of a teenage boy looking over his shoulder outside
    via Christopher Campbell

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • In this story, a woman started having second thoughts about moving in with her fiancé after he demanded that over half of her teenage son's social security survivor benefits went towards their rent in their new home. He reasoned that as they were going to be living together, it was only fair to share expenses.

    However, the mom felt like her son deserved control over his finances and that this money should be reserved for him to spend and save, as was the arrangement currently. This led to a disagreement with her partner, and she wanted to know if she was in the wrong.

  • AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to factor my son's survivor benefits into our new household budget?

    My (38F) son (15M) receives $1100 a month in Social Security survivor benefits from his late father, who passed away when my son was five. My boyfriend (40M) and I have been in an on-again, off-again relationship for a long time. Things have been good recently, and he's proposed. We're planning on getting a house together. I have my son, and he has three children, but only one of his kids would be
    via Original-Entry-7871
  • living with us full-time. The house we are looking at is $2,500 a month. My boyfriend's proposed budget is for him to pay $950, for me to pay $950, and for us to use $600 from my son's check for the household. He suggests we can then put the remaining $500 from the check into savings. My current practice is to give my son half of his check ($550) for his personal use and save the other half for him. I
    via Original-Entry-7871
  • a woman in a tank top looks to the camera
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • think that since he's almost 17, he should have some control over his money. My boyfriend disagrees completely. He thinks that since we are "going to be a family," all the money should be pooled together for shared expenses. He thinks I'm wrong and selfish for not wanting to include the survivor benefits in the main budget. We've been going back and forth on this, and I'm feeling incredibly
    via Original-Entry-7871
  • uncomfortable with his expectation. I feel like the benefits are my son's and should not be used to reduce the adult's portion of the bills. It feels like he's trying to make me subsidize the household using money that was meant for my son's care and future, not to pay his own share of the bills. Am I wrong here? Is it selfish to keep my son's check separate and manage it for his benefit alone? Or is my boyfriend's financial expectation a red flag for our future together?
    via Original-Entry-7871
  • a pile of us social security cards
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

  • Everybody disagreed with the perspective of her fiancé.

    Patient-Midnight-664 So he want's to pay $950, and want's you to pay $1500. Is his child going to kick in $550 a month, also? Is your child going to be on the deed for his contributions to the mortgage? NTA. If you do this, he'll find a way to get the other $500, some way.
    via Patient-Midnight-664
  • Cool-Conversation938 Big red flag. Very big. And red!
    via Cool-Conversation938
  • jfrey123 17 year olds shouldn't be paying rent. Sounds like dude is trying to cash in on your son's benefits.
    via jfrey123
  • RevolutionaryQuit 197 Leave him
    via RevolutionaryQuit197
  • Chloe_Phyll YTA if you stay with this guy. NO ONE is entitled to those survivor's benefits except you son. How much of her/his savings is the bf's kid going to contribute? Nothing, right? BF sees a way to pay part of his rent using your son's money. Oh, h I, NO. You need to dump this now.
    via Chloe_Phyll
  • EffableFornent Your bf is a con man.
    via EffableFornent
  • Ok_Durian_6185 You've been on and off with this man... why would you want to put your son through the instability of it being off again? Do not give this man access to your son's benefits. He is not interested in what is best for your son.
    via Ok_Durian_6185
  • Old_Cheek1076 NTA - Nope. Stay with this joker at your son's risk. ▸
    via Old_Cheek1076
  • ToothStreet466 What the f is wrong with you??? NO
    via ToothStreet466
  • Viciousbanana 1974 You are 100% RIGHT in your discomfort. Turf this dude. Yikes.
    via Viciousbanana1974
  • shammy_dammy Don't get a house together.
    via shammy_dammy
  • Zealousideal-House19 Nta. Soooo how much is his kid supposed to pitch in? Hmmm? The house is yours and his. The rent is yours and his. NOT yours his and your kid. You are in charge of paying for you and your son. Your son is not a separate tenant.
    via Zealousideal-House19
  • Ok-Committee-1747 That money is for your son. Dump the bf.
    via Ok-Committee-1747
  • monkeyboychuck No, just no! Put that survivor benefit money into a growth fund for your son to use later for college or whatever. That money doesn't belong to your boyfriend (who'll probably just find a way to spend all of it every month), and as a survivor benefit, that money belongs to your son.
    via monkeyboychuck
  • Due-Work-1823 NTA. Do not let him make decisions like this for your son. Marrying him is a trap.
    via Due-Work-1823
  • nanami1 You have to protect your son. Your bf wants to take advantage of your son financially.
    via nanami1
  • Fun Panda_5536 Do not marry that man. How dare he expect YOUR son to use his money to pay your bf share of the bills!? That's not up to him and I sure not up for debate!
    via Fun_Panda_5536
  • Ok_Clerk_6960 Do not marry this lowlife scumbag. This is NOT his money. It's not your money. It's your son's money! Please don't let him steal from your son and that's absolutely what he's trying to do!
    via Ok_Clerk_6960

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relationships family family drama aita parenting rent reddit thread Reddit money son
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