'Shared rooms, meals 'light', and none of it counts as work hours': 27-year-old tech employee refuses to go on mandatory team retreat, manager excludes him from work project afterwards

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    a man sits warming his hands by a small outdoor fire at night
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    AITA for skipping a 'mandatory' weekend retreat that wasn’t paid or reimbursed and now getting iced out of a promo?

    27M, salary 58k at a small tech shop. Two weeks ago manager announced a team retreat, Fri night to Sun, 2 hrs away. Email said travel on our own, shared rooms, meals "light," and none of it counts as work hrs. I asked if we could move to Mon Tue or comp the time. HR replied with a smiley and " we invest in culture. Gas would be ~32, hotel split about 110, and
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    a number of people gather around a table that has three smartphones on stands on it
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    I had already promised my sister I'd watch her kid Sat morning. I said I'd come for the Fri workshops and remote the rest. Came back Mon and everyone was buzzing about trust falls and a bonfire that smelled like lighter fluid. Manager pulled me aside, said I "missed a chance to show leadership," now the promo
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    cycle is focusing on folks who "showed up." I ship my tickets, clients like me, but I dont want unpaid wknds with a random roomate and cold pizza. I pushed back, he said my attitude is the issue. Maybe it is, maybe the policy is. AITA for skipping and still asking why this affects my promo
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    a man shows something to a woman on a tablet while three people chat in the background
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    mtngrl60 Here's the thing, if you can prove that you're getting skipped over for a promo because you skipped this event, you might actually have a legal case. Because if attendance at this event was mandatory in order to be considered for a promo at work, but they didn't wanna pay you for it... In fact, they wanted you to pay for it... That's illegal. Mandatory things for work require mandatory pay. I really hope you're looking for a new job
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    miss_misery_ NTA but if I were you I'd start polishing up the resume and applying to anything you think might look promising. I just don't see this situation getting any better, they're either gonna find a way to get rid of you or make you so miserable that you quit on your own. So your best bet is to get something else lined up before either of those can happen.
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    Random_Emolga The irony of "we invest in culture".
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    _KittyCherry NTA. If it's unpaid and ofc the clock, it's not mandatory. They're punishing you for having boundaries, not for missing "team bonding."
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    Playful_Reason_Carol NTA. It's unpaid overtime disguised as team bonding. You set a boundary and thats not attitude, its self-respect
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    Serious-Echo1241 NTA. I wouldn't have gone either. Employer is full of it. With cost of living nowadays that's a huge ask. Judge me on the work I do in the office.
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    TheLastWord63 NTA. Mandatory=paid.
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    Miserable-Alarm-5963 NTA for not going, you have just found out your company is a bad fit for you. That's cool keep your head down and find another job. I'm sure there are lots of other options open but they will all require more effort than this deserves.

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